Would this annoy you? Friend never wishing DH a happy birthday?

[Antiguadreams]

Not sure if I’m being uncharacteristically sensitive this morning, but it’s just dawned on me that over the past 12 years my closest friend (met when we were 11, best friends since) has never wished my husband a happy birthday.

It only dawned on me as I was spending a bit of time looking into what to get for her DH last night for his birthday coming up in a few weeks, as he is going through a ‘funky sock phase’ and I wanted to get something funny.

DH and I have been married for 8 years, dating for 12, she met her now DH around the same time (both met our spouses at uni) and we were close enough as a 4, now as a 6 (since both having our first children last year) as we meet up monthly for meals, BBQs in the summer, spend more time together now with the little ones too, but they’ve never sent him a card for his birthday, no FB message, no text, and definitely no gifts.

We are big gifters in general and get a lot of pleasure trying to find something nice for people so have always put a lot of thought into his birthday, over the past 12 years we’ve had hard times but even when money was tight I’d still get him one of those funny IPA beers at Tesco (with the weird names) and write a joke on the tag that tied in to the beers name, or just a nice card etc.

Before I get more and more annoyed by this now I’ve clocked it, would this piss you off? Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit shitty? (And to cover off the expected question, no money is not tight for them, nor is it for us at present so it’s not a financial issue either side)

"Uncharacteristically sensitive".

I suspect it is not uncharacteristic.

Also, YABVU to use the term 'all groovy'....

What a nasty comment. But it also makes no sense. You think people that don’t acknowledge their friend’s husband’s birthday are living sad lives? 😂

OP, really nobody does this. You are the odd one, I think every single poster has said that.

Yes and to be honest OP probs has to spend a lot of time remembering birthdays as she doesn’t sound like a very nice person based on her replies!

Basically everyone: YABU
OP: But we need meaningless birthday texts
and repeat

The telling post was 'I haven't spoken to them in forever'
OP clearly requires many likes and contacts to make her feel better. She needs gifts, texts, cards, etc, to validate her
Quite honestly, it is sad. To not be able to find joy in aspects of a friendship that don't centre on gifts, cards or texts, is very sad. My friends and I take much joy in laughing at stupid things, at ourselves, and at life in general.
I would not continue to give my bf's husband gifts/cards/texts if a) they were not acknowledged, or b) they did not throw me a parade, build be a statue and Honour me with at least an OBE

Completely weird to expect a present, even a card or text message for your friend’s DH. It’s very self-aggrandising behaviour.

My friends don't really know when my birthday is. I gather them together for a night out for my birthday. They just don't know it's my birthday.

It may come as a shock to you but the way you've described the way you and your bloke do things isn't universal. If it's bugging you that your friends don't put the effort in the way you think they should, then just stop.

I wouldnt be buying for them ,obv they are not into "birthdays" and it seems to be unneccesary if they dont buy back

I wouldn't have the faintest clue when my friends husband's birthdays are!

Would like to think that but there are adults out there who need a lot of validation through stuff like birthdays. Do big countdowns to the day, count all the likes they get on Facebook. Need the fanfare and the photos of their birthday pile.

I'm not sure what it is but it has to be some sort of confidence issue. If they don't get attention they focus on that rather than the people who have put the efforts in or else.

I'm in the wouldn't remember the date camps. Is it possible though that because this is important to you and your husband that you've become the "official birthday remembrancers " of the group, so that if you aren't prompting it others don't remember/do anything? I could easily see a situation developing where Dave loves marking people's birthdays and choosing just the right card and is always the first to kick it off in any group chat (what are we all getting Pete this year? I've got these grey funky socks for him ") that everyone else gradually gets used to Dave being the marker, but Dave being a lovely bloke doesn't go round saying to people a few weeks before that his birthday is coming up, so noone else remembers. And because Dave is a lovely bloke he doesn't kick off and it becomes self-perpetuating

Gifts are nice but I appreciate not feeling obliged to give gifts far more.

As other PP, I have literally no idea when my best friend's husband's birthday is. If she mentioned it to me as in "we're going out for Dave's birthday on Sat" I would wish him a happy birthday but I wouldnt be getting him a card or presents because we just don't do that. Equally, I'd never expect her to get my H a card or to remember his birthday.

If you don't like it then simply stop getting him birthday stuff- problem solved.

You're big gifters, they're not. It's that simple.

After reading your posts OP I find it hard to believe you even have friends.

Yes it's true some adults place huge store in it. I have a fb friend who does all you said.

I'm taking huge pleasure in this moment of delightfully basic irony tbh. #yopot!thisiskettle!

I don't acknowledge my friends' birthdays and they don't acknowledge mine as we just don't care about birthdays. If we have a birthday party or vice versa for a member of the family then we are very generous with gifts. And we don't need birthdays as an excuse to gift each other or text eachother to say we're thinking of them.

Your faux sadness is nauseating.

I bet my friends have done more for me then you could even dream that your friends would do for you.

Guessing they don’t buy your DH anything in the hope you’ll get the message and stop wasting money on tut.

I don’t get the whole birthday thing now although, find it completely OTT generally.

I’ve only bought presents for my friends husbands if we are invited to their birthday party. I don’t even buy them a card otherwise. Same with my friend and husband.

Pahahahahahaha

Let me just ask my friends of 30 years plus what they think… I’ve no clue when their husbands’ birthdays are and we just WhatsApp in our group chat if one of us has a birthday. But the reason I love them is they don’t act as if the world revolves around them so there is that.

You too, are accusing me of telling lies.
Please do take a long walk off a short cliff, thereby rendering yourself incapable of accusing me of dishonesty again.
Ridiculous

I know when one of my friend's partner's birthday is simply because it's the day after hers on Valentine's day.
Other than that I wouldn't have a clue, and I don't think any of them know when dh's birthday is.

And even if they did, I wouldn't expect a "happy birthday" unless they happened to turn up while we were doing presents/cakes.