Would this annoy you? Friend never wishing DH a happy birthday?

[Antiguadreams]

Not sure if I’m being uncharacteristically sensitive this morning, but it’s just dawned on me that over the past 12 years my closest friend (met when we were 11, best friends since) has never wished my husband a happy birthday.

It only dawned on me as I was spending a bit of time looking into what to get for her DH last night for his birthday coming up in a few weeks, as he is going through a ‘funky sock phase’ and I wanted to get something funny.

DH and I have been married for 8 years, dating for 12, she met her now DH around the same time (both met our spouses at uni) and we were close enough as a 4, now as a 6 (since both having our first children last year) as we meet up monthly for meals, BBQs in the summer, spend more time together now with the little ones too, but they’ve never sent him a card for his birthday, no FB message, no text, and definitely no gifts.

We are big gifters in general and get a lot of pleasure trying to find something nice for people so have always put a lot of thought into his birthday, over the past 12 years we’ve had hard times but even when money was tight I’d still get him one of those funny IPA beers at Tesco (with the weird names) and write a joke on the tag that tied in to the beers name, or just a nice card etc.

Before I get more and more annoyed by this now I’ve clocked it, would this piss you off? Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit shitty? (And to cover off the expected question, no money is not tight for them, nor is it for us at present so it’s not a financial issue either side)

Big difference between a close friend and a close friend’s husband.

And we don't need birthdays as an excuse to gift each other or text eachother to say we're thinking of them

Yeah, my groups like that. We message each other, buy little gifts for no reason. Let each other know they're loved whenever. We don't need a big fanfare on marked days. Like valentine's day / mother day and whatnot with partners. It's just not that important when you feel loved and appreciated in general imo.

Don't forget the funky socks...

No idea when my friend's husband's birthdays are, and I don't think they know when my husband's birthday is either. I've never even thought about this and certainly don't care.

Your love language is gifts. Their's isn't

Stop making it transactional

You really are being ridiculous. Like lots of other previous posters, I have no idea when the birthdays are of partners of my friends and I don't remember any of my friends ever wishing my husband a happy birthday.

If you want to fool people into thinking you’re someone different to OP, try writing a bit differently to Op :)

Is your world so small that this is worth getting your kecks in a twist over? Seriously, get a grip!

so are you telling me if your close friends and family didn’t acknowledge your birthday at all you’d be all groovy about it?

Family is a different matter. I and my immediate family are thoughtful gifters and try to make each others birthdays special. But my close friends of between 20 and 40 years? We barely if at all register each others birthdays. When we were in our 20s we might have gone to the pub or had a meal, but kids and the general swelling of social groups and ne generations of extended family mean that friend birthdays slide down the list of priorities.

I've just been thinking about the three couples I'm close to, and I can only remember one birth date, and that's because it's two days after my late husband's.

However, I and my friends are absolutely there for each other when it actually matters, and that's way more important.

Are you the OP in disguise? you write very similarly...

You're putting far too much thought into your friends dh's birthday.
Doesn't the fact that they never reciprocate tell you anything?
They couldn't be clearer that they'd rather you stopped.

I think it's a very basic way to measure the value of friends. Cards and token gifts don't mean a lot to most adults.

I don't know when my best friend's husband's birthday is. I might be able to work it out if I thought hard or looked through old calendars and messages. But in all honesty I couldn't give a shit.

Not everyone is invested in having their birthday remembered- I feel uncomfortable if anyone other than my kids celebrate mine. Birthdays are for children

Never occurred to me to wish my friends husbands happy birthday... unless they had a party or something I was invited to. Vice versa too.

If one of DHs friends bought me a birthday present I'd think it was really weird! I do send cards and buy gifts for my friends, he does the same for his. We've been together fifteen years so of course we socialise with each other's friends and their spouses but that's where it stops.

I don't even know when some of my friends birthdays are let alone their husbands. I generally only celebrate my kids and my parents birthdays. Not even bothered about my own and neither is DH about his. I am clear with friends about this though so they know they don't need to worry about mine either 😂

I don't buy my friends birthday presents, let alone their husbands.

I don’t even send cards to my BILs. I wouldn’t have the first clue when my best friends husbands birthday is nor would I care. I just about remember their kids

Is your husband bothered?

I don’t think it’s the other posters who have a sad little life OP. Imagine having to rely on friend’s husbands remembering your birthday in order to feel special?!

I have friends I have known for over 40 years, I don't have a clue when their husbands' birthdays are.

I am now understanding why so many MNers struggle with adult friendships and relationships
No. No, I don't think you are 😬

Hi OP 👋