Meeting daughter's boyfriend- what's the etiquette here?

[tiredmama23]

Probably a daft question but this is new territory for me. My 17 year old DD has been dating a guy since just before Christmas, so only a couple months, and wants me to meet him. Apparently he's quite keen to meet me too. I've agreed to go for tea this evening with them both (with my DH, DD's stepdad, and her younger sister). What's the etiquette? Do we offer to pay for him? I think yes, DH thinks no because he's an adult man with a well paid job?) However since he's only 18 I'm still seeing him as a child and thinking we should pay?

We aren't rolling in cash this month so I see DH's point, but I'd feel a bit tight to not pay for him? But then if he's having a lot to drink then I don't want to end up with that bill 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thoughts? How would you play this?

A new thread. So much drama about a very short teen relationship. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

@AMillionMoreFirstTimes
What's your agenda here? What you getting out of this? I mean my agenda is clear - I want parenting support on, you know, a parenting fucking forum.

You on the other hand appear to be just here to be goady and unpleasant.

Trust me when I say this reflects on you and not me.

Apples and trees..

Op. You all need to get off sm, play a board game and have a nice hot chocolate. Just chill, for your teens sake.

You all need to get off sm, play a board game and have a nice hot chocolate

😂😂😂😂😂
Fuck me

More patronising bollocks.

No, I don't "need" to do any of these things but thank you for your suggestions.

Also the irony of someone telling someone else to "get off sm", whilst, erm, on sm themselves 🤦🏼‍♀️

You need to look at your own behaviour. You’ve had a hand in making your daughter believe this was some big serious relationship. You’ve posted a lot and have now made a new thread. It’s a very, very over the top reaction from start to finish. You’re the adult with life experience but are being extremely reactive. Kids take their lead from us. How you act as a parent is very important.

Anyway, I’m out, it’s all too dramatic from me. I hope your kids are feeling better soon.

*for not from

Well i don't have a distraught dd! Context op. I'm waiting for ours to come in.

I repeat, calm down. Let her have a cry then move on. You are making it as big a deal in the burger in the pub. She of course is upset but you must teach her strategies to cope?

@AMillionMoreFirstTimes

Yes I'm posting on a parenting site for parenting support WHICH MY DAUGHTER IS NOT AWARE OF.

You think my ranting and pouring out of my worries and stresses on an anonymous forum is directly reflective of my parenting behaviour? That's a really, really odd assumption tbh. I pour things out on here - all of the emotion etc - precisely so I can compose myself and go back to being the "pulled together" mum who holds it all together and is there for both my kids. Newsflash - that's normal and OK. It's the equivalent of having a good rant to a friend in person and then putting your big Mum pants and brave face back on and cracking on.

And no, I have not in any way made this into a bigger thing than it needed to be. I have repeatedly told her "slow down", "no I'm not meeting him yet, you might not be together in a few months", "do not sleep with him too soon", "no he can't stay over here yet" etc etc etc

For months that is ALL she has heard from me.

Then she asks please mum can we now go out and will you meet him? And please can we do it this way at a pub local to his work.

And what, your argument is, because I said yes to that 10 ish weeks into the relationship after saying no every time beforehand, I've now contributed to my daughter's pain and heartache somehow???

Batshit. And clearly just a deliberate attempt to be an arse to someone anonymously online.

How you act as a parent is very important.

Jesus fuck.

I have never felt so condescended and patronised.

This cannot be real.

@Janiie
Yes a distraught daughter who doesn't want to speak to me!!! Is that ok?? Or would you suggest I sit vigil at her bedside despite her not wanting to interact with anyone right now? Maybe I should take the scrabble board in and set it up on her bed while she sobs into a tissue and asks me to leave her alone. Hang on I'll try that and report back ........

🙄

I think it shows that you and your daughter must have a good relationship if she wanted to tell you all about her relationship and try and involve him in the family. Shame it didn’t work out. Hopefully they’ll be another bf on the scene soon.

I can still remember feeling as if my heart would break at that age and my mum being incredibly dismissive and hurtful. So FWIW OP I think you are being lovely and your daughter will know she can come to you in future whatever.

Thank you that means a lot x

I'd cover the whole meal.
That's what my parents did.

🤣

Bloody hell, just read he dumped her 😧

@tiredmama23 saw your update, read the thread. You’re getting unnecessarily berated. Most uncalled for

give your lovely girl a hug reassure her she’ll be ok.

Love how people come onto a thread just to be unhelpful and unpleasant to a poster, making fun of a distraught teenager and having digs at a stressed / upset mum trying to manage it and seek advice, yet their posts stand and one of mine gets deleted when I retaliate and defend myself against the shit being thrown at me and the fun being made of a situation that has my daughter genuinely unwell at the moment.

Hope the instigators of this are all super proud of themselves. Well done Mumsnet for removing a comment of mine while letting online bullies essentially loose all over this thread.

Disgusting

Thank you 🩷

It's essentially bullying at this point which doesn't seem to be against any of Mumsnet's talk guidelines which is very disappointing as they've seemingly just condoned it all.

You’ve received some very fierce comments and tried to manage it calmly and diffuse with humour. Concentrate on what matters, you and your dd

That all sounds a bit posh tbh. Working from memory, previous bfs just used to roll up at the parents' house with me . And all thd jntro stuff this is " Mum, dad here's ( insert name ) and life went on as usual. Same applies when it was my turn to meet the parents. No big deal.

@Zone2NorthLondon

Thank you, what a lovely person you sound🩷
It's a relief to know there are still some decent humans on here!

You're absolutely right - my daughter and I are what matters and I'll get her through it x

This for example - was completely uncalled for and unpleasant.

How is it remotely funny that my daughter is breaking her heart crying, refusing to eat, and refusing to go to college messing up her own future?

Do grown adults really truly think that's an appropriate source of entertainment? Reminds me of the playground bullies that used to stand in a group chuckling together trying to make others feel shit so they could feel better about themselves. Urgh. What an unpleasant look.

I hope so. Thank you 🩷

@tiredmama23 if I was you I'd ask Mumsnet to remove this thread as its really making things worse fir yourself with all the unhelpful comments.