Meeting daughter's boyfriend- what's the etiquette here?

[tiredmama23]

Probably a daft question but this is new territory for me. My 17 year old DD has been dating a guy since just before Christmas, so only a couple months, and wants me to meet him. Apparently he's quite keen to meet me too. I've agreed to go for tea this evening with them both (with my DH, DD's stepdad, and her younger sister). What's the etiquette? Do we offer to pay for him? I think yes, DH thinks no because he's an adult man with a well paid job?) However since he's only 18 I'm still seeing him as a child and thinking we should pay?

We aren't rolling in cash this month so I see DH's point, but I'd feel a bit tight to not pay for him? But then if he's having a lot to drink then I don't want to end up with that bill 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thoughts? How would you play this?

Your poor dd. How did he had it planned for ‘a while’, they hadn’t even been together ‘a while’? He sounds like a dickhead.

Listen to posters who say don’t make a big deal of meeting a boyfriend of a 17 year old who they’ve only just got together with. It will now feel like such a worse break up because he’d met the parents and you said he was ‘lovely’, which will have made it feel more serious. It wasn’t serious, it was a couple of months.

As heartbroken as your daughter feels right now, she will be fine and this will actually make her (and hopefully you) better with navigating her future relationships.

Make any further meets with other bf’s more casual. Too much was made of this one.

You all made way too much of this short relationship.

Your daughter was serious about him despite only just starting a relationship with him, you were repeating that on here and buying into it, and you were agreeing to meet him and making a big drama of it. Be a good role model and teach her to be more relaxed about things, especially as she’s so young.

Can't get my head round that one!

Maybe he got wind of this thread and ran for the hills 🤣

For those that think they shouldn't have met after 2 months, that is why Mum has resisted it in the beginning as daughter wanted all to meet much sooner.

There didn't have to be an organised 'meet' at all. Quick chat is all that is required.

17yr olds split all the time it really isn't a tragedy. They mustn't regret the money spent on the burger, tough though that my be

Yes, I have read the thread. I’m sure others have too.

Meeting after 2 months, or even sooner, is fine. Making a big deal out of that meeting by going for a meal, having to ask mumsnet about it, buying into the seriousness of the relationship etc, when they had only just started dating is stupid. The chances were always that the relationship would be short lived.

As parents it’s our job to try to guide our children, and if this was my daughter being this intense about a new relationship at 17, I’d tell her to chill out, go slowly, keep friends, and be more relaxed about it. Not join in with the OTT rubbish and rushing in. Because unfortunately when it all ends, it all seems so much worse.

🤣🤣🤣

@tiredmama23
I feel for you and your daughter.
Have a mother daughter pamper day.
I have been through similar with my daughters now 20 and 19 both are now in steady relationships. These are the only ones I have taken out. But did feed others in my house but what cam we do.

Just let her talk and grit your teeth as they could get back together
But if he was thinking off ending it why meet use and let use pay what a dick move.

Not funny.

I've got a 17 year old girl in floods of tears talking about her life no longer being worth living, and that girl is my daughter. But as long as you're amused eh?

Try a tiny ounce of empathy or get lost off my thread.

Yes I'm planning some quality time together with her this weekend, she's done nothing but cry and even came home from college sobbing today. I'm so worried about her. 🙁

@TerrifiedOfWeather

Oh please do enjoy feeling superior in your parenting of a teen girl!! You're obviously, so clearly, very much better than I am aren't you.

I DID advise her to calm it down. I DID say no to meeting after only a couple weeks. I DID advise her to not jump straight into bed with him and protect herself if she did, etc etc.

SHE wanted a meal out for ALL THE REASONS CLEARLY AND PAINSTAKINGLY ALREADY STATED ON THIS THREAD, and I am not going over those again - scroll back and read them if you wish.

"Making a big drama of it" 🙄🙄🙄

Yeah sure, invent your little narrative 🤷‍♀️

Whatever makes you feel superior and important on an anonymous forum.👍🏻

Broken hearts are par for the course at 17. All you can do is listen, support and gently remind her it was 2 months not 2 years. Shopping always helps!

Maybe as a family you could source some calming and wellbeing apps?

@TerrifiedOfWeather

Before anyone else comes on here to be an utter knob, may I just point out I've got an inconsolable daughter who has spent the day in bed crying and I am SO worried sick about her. I've had the day from hell at work and I've also now got an unwell toddler on top of it all.

Just go elsewhere to be an arse, please. It's really, really not needed here today.

I've started a new thread for genuine help with this now, so crack on those of you want a good laugh about my poor daughter's situation or a chance to get some passive aggressive comments in to make yourselves feel superior. Knock yourselves out. 👍🏻

Oh what an idiot. Poor DD. Let her have a good old cry, lots of cuddles. Her heart will heal and she’ll find another boyfriend. Rotten luck but you couldn’t have seen it coming.

Op. You are getting good advice. I hope you are being bright and breezy with her and using distraction to help her cope with the end of her 2 month relationship. It is sad but it happens! and she needs to learn how to deal with her emotions with you helping her. Do you have support to assist with the toddler?

Calming apps, pizza and shopping helps ime with distraught teens.

Thank you 🩷

I agree completely.

OP, you are getting worked up because people are rightly pointing out it was handled badly.

Maybe get off mumsnet and go and look after your upset teen daughter and ill toddler.

@AMillionMoreFirstTimes

"Handled badly"?? How exactly?!

Thanks for instructing me with what to do. My unwell toddler is in the more than adequate care of her father and my upset teen doesn't want to talk to me currently!! So if it's ok with you - the Mumsnet police - I'll stay here for a bit ta. 🙄