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Original poster

Meeting daughter's boyfriend- what's the etiquette here?

454 replies

tiredmama23 · 23/02/2024 08:36

Probably a daft question but this is new territory for me. My 17 year old DD has been dating a guy since just before Christmas, so only a couple months, and wants me to meet him. Apparently he's quite keen to meet me too. I've agreed to go for tea this evening with them both (with my DH, DD's stepdad, and her younger sister). What's the etiquette? Do we offer to pay for him? I think yes, DH thinks no because he's an adult man with a well paid job?) However since he's only 18 I'm still seeing him as a child and thinking we should pay?

We aren't rolling in cash this month so I see DH's point, but I'd feel a bit tight to not pay for him? But then if he's having a lot to drink then I don't want to end up with that bill 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thoughts? How would you play this?

OP posts:
IrisMNBS · 26/02/2024 07:16

How about a home meal? Why all so formal? They are still kids. And even if they weren't...

Cheeseandcrispss · 26/02/2024 07:46

Pay for everyone, its weird not to at this age! Same as if a friend came for your younger child you’d pay (hopefully). It’s one person and it’s a reasonable priced restaurant. If he wants to buy a round of drinks before the meal that’s fine and it would be nice of him to offer but definitely don’t split the main bill

karenR1662 · 26/02/2024 08:07

Mine have always Just popped in with their New Partners and then i cook Dinner on a Sunday for them its less formal .I would Invite him for dinner ,Try and not tell him about how she was as a baby and No baby pictures haha I did this once and son told me off after it .If you do decide to Meet in a cafe or a Pub pay for his drink then wait for him to offer the next round ,And Breathing is Important if shes like my daughter (Fussy ) this will be one of many we have done it 4 x till she found the one age 28 Just Engaged

Chocladore · 26/02/2024 08:16

We’ve invited DS’s girlfriend out for a few meals now and pay every time, similar ages but they’re both still in FT education. I would find it incredibly rude to invite someone out in this situation and then separate the bill. How would your DH feel if your DD’s boyfriend’s family did the same to your DD, as this might be on the cards (if it wasn’t already happened)?

HulaChick · 26/02/2024 08:32

Definitely you pay for his meal, on this occasion anyway. He may well offer to pay for himself but I think you should.

Sugar9 · 26/02/2024 08:46

Y'all doing too much. They are only teenagers for goodness sake. Let him come round to your house and cook a meal

ReadingLight · 26/02/2024 08:51

THE MEAL HAPPENED DAYS AGO!

Mrsjayy · 26/02/2024 10:23

I think posters should be able to close down their threads when it's reached a conclusion this will run and run till the girls onto her next boyfriend 😃

FrenchieF · 26/02/2024 10:31

hes been invited to a family meal to meet you, they are 17 and 18 of course you should pay for them.

Elle35 · 26/02/2024 11:09

At 30+ that is definitely sponging, I would never have allowed my parents to always pay for me

Original poster
tiredmama23 · 26/02/2024 11:18

Mrsjayy · 26/02/2024 10:23

I think posters should be able to close down their threads when it's reached a conclusion this will run and run till the girls onto her next boyfriend 😃

😂

I'm just reading in amusement now.

I think this thread just go in classics, it's the new "cancel the cheque" 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama23 · 27/02/2024 18:31

Anyone who's still following this ....

The "lovely" boyfriend we met on Friday has now just dumped my daughter by text. She's inconsolable, her first real heartbreak 💔 😭

I don't know how to navigate this but I'm now bloody wishing I hadn't bought his tea as he told her he'd had this planned for "a while" 🤬

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/02/2024 18:34

Oh dear. I'm so sorry, OP.

Just be there for her. Lots of tea and sympathy. Try not to be too critical of him though, in case it's back on again in a few days' time.

This, too, shall pass...

ReadingLight · 27/02/2024 18:42

tiredmama23 · 27/02/2024 18:31

Anyone who's still following this ....

The "lovely" boyfriend we met on Friday has now just dumped my daughter by text. She's inconsolable, her first real heartbreak 💔 😭

I don't know how to navigate this but I'm now bloody wishing I hadn't bought his tea as he told her he'd had this planned for "a while" 🤬

Sympathies, OP. DS is only 11, but from friends with older children, I gather this is a key stage in parenting! Important lesson for parents not to take their children’s relationships at their valuation by said children.

Agree with @MrsBennetsPoorNerves — just be there for her, and try not to savage him in case it’s back on by the weekend. Tactful sympathy needed.

ReadingLight · 27/02/2024 18:44

And in future, offer boyfriends a cup of tea only!

Horationor · 27/02/2024 19:42

Aw poor daughter! Hope she is OK.

Luddite26 · 27/02/2024 20:13

Awww poor dd. Bet your husband is fuming that you paid for his meal. At least you won't be thinking is it because you didn't pay!

Luddite26 · 27/02/2024 20:13

Next time have them just come round round for tea.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/02/2024 21:57

You weren't to know or even guess ! You still did right by taking him for tea to meet the family.

FirstTimeMum897 · 27/02/2024 22:13

And other posters mocked me for saying meeting a 17 year old's boyfriend over a dinner in a pub is too much effort🙄 Of course he was not going to last long, they're too young. Next boyfriend just tell them to come round to you if they want, they can make the effort to come for a cup of tea if they're so keen.

Blake10 · 27/02/2024 22:16

You definitely pay

Dixiechickonhols · 27/02/2024 22:58

tiredmama23 · 27/02/2024 18:31

Anyone who's still following this ....

The "lovely" boyfriend we met on Friday has now just dumped my daughter by text. She's inconsolable, her first real heartbreak 💔 😭

I don't know how to navigate this but I'm now bloody wishing I hadn't bought his tea as he told her he'd had this planned for "a while" 🤬

Oh no poor DD.

skippy67 · 27/02/2024 23:19

People still commenting that the OP should pay should really read the thread...

ClareBlue · 27/02/2024 23:34

My mother mostly pays when we go out with our partners even though we are all parents ourselves. She can well afford it. Last week we went out children and partners. We had travelled Ireland to England and accomodating ourselves. She paid as usual. I offered to pay a contribution (no siblings offered) and she took the cash without even a thanks.
It's a minefield OP😁

ClareBlue · 27/02/2024 23:40

Sorry to read the update. One thing we learnt from have this plenty of times with daughters and son is not to talk badly of them or say you never liked them etc. Quire often they get back together before it is completely finished and it's then really difficult when you see them. Best just to sympathise but not comment on the ex partner.

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