Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Did you only just get married?

Why did you marry him if you found out he had cheated on you?
You hadn't taken the vows then - you could have called it off

Tbh they probably all already know.

I think the moral high ground is vastly overrated but this seems like it won't be a very good thing for you to do. What do you want to achieve by doing it?

It might be really satisfying initially, but will you feel like that in the long run?
I'd hold your head high and leave the relationship with all your dignity.

Nothing good will come of it.

@Untilitisnt She found out after the wedding that he cheated just before the wedding.

No, not at all dignified

I think you will come to regret that, please don’t

Yes, name her. Don't let them make up a story and do warn others about what they are really like. Don't write an essay.
Just "FYI: DH and I are splitting up because he cheated on me with ( her name)"

You won't gain anything from doing that. Get your proverbials in a row

I'm so sorry this happened to you, your husband is an arsehole along with the CF woman who attended your wedding. You owe them nothing! But for your own sake, I have to say that announcing over WhatsApp does not sound like a good idea.

They probably all know. Gossip like that spreads around a friend group. Shame them, what have you got to lose. People get to behave like that because the rest of us are too ashamed to expose them, why should you protect them from their actions.

Why would she regret it? OP has done nothing wrong?

I think 'walking away with dignity' is sometimes overrated. And anyway, why is it undignified to say the truth?

They are the ones who've behaved appallingly.

Just phrase it carefully op and take your time over it.

And I'm sorry. Sounds horrible.

Sorry didn’t mention l didn’t find out until after we were married. I would not have married him if l had known

I don't know about all this dignity business really. Why is it dignified to not address directly the people that caused you harm? Why does dignity so often mean the silence of women?

Got married last year

In that case I would do it - tell them and then leave the WhatsApp group

I would do it if this was still going up after you got married.

It seems like it isn't so leave the woman out of it.

Frankly your partner is a complete waste of space and I think you should focus on making your plans to leave him and get on with your life.

OH!
I apologise @TruthorDie
Eyes are knackered!

I would. Just the cold hard facts .Anyone who knew and didn't tell you should be ashamed of themselves. HOWEVER if there is any possibility of you reconciling don't. And just choose a moment when you are calm.

It depends on what you want to achieve? If you want to divorce and never see either of them again, it could be quite a satisfying thing to do.
If you want to get your husband to deal with this and work on marriage. It's definitely a bad idea.
It will make the others in the WhatsApp group feel awkward (not just the protagonists) but you may not be worried about that. Up to you

My worry is some friends will side with the woman who cheated and you will feel extremely hurt.

How did you find out, was it just a one off or were they having an affair?

What a shit bag op. I'm sorry he did that to you and your dc. But please don't do that. Weirdly enough when these things happen you find people take different approaches which could upset you more. More often that not, people just don't want to get involved. Something similar happened in our group a very long time ago. She emailed all of us with details about their marriage breakdown and his affair. It was a shock as he wasn't the type to have done this. Anyway, as he was a longtime friend of most of the males in the group they sought to 'understand' and move on, most of the females followed their partners and then some of us just remained friends with her only. I can tell you, that getting people involved caused her much more issues than she needed at that time. I was firmly on her side even though I knew him longer. I would just take some time away from this and speak to a close friend instead.

Exactly! This is the last thing you need when you are going through something like this.