Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

this!

Hold your head high and walk away. To splash it over WhatsApp is creating drama and gossip fodder for people and they’ll love it.

Keep your dignity OP and keep them guessing.

There is nothing to be achieved by this other than to get on with your life and be happy without him.

Fuck dignity. They're the ones with no dignity. They all watched op get married pregnant with her fiancés affair partner in the room. I wouldn't want them as friends anyway. Tell them all you know op.

I say name her. You haven't done anything wrong and the buck stops with them. I don't think you'd regret outing them as it'd surely come out eventually anyway (you telll one friend and it get's mentioned to another etc.) but at least this way you have control over the situation and no one is going to embellish the facts.

"As our closet friends, I wanted you all to know that DH and I will be divorcing. I was unaware that he had an elicit affair with [affair partner] before we got married and unfortunately I can no longer trust him. Please don't feel the need to take sides but I hope you can all understand why I'll be distancing myself from social gatherings where either DH or [affair partner] will be."

Yup.

Honestly, I'd be seriously pissed off if I was in a WhatsApp group and someone used it as a public shaming tool. It would put me in a shitty and anxiety-provoking situation that I shouldn't be put in.

I hate social media in general and this is one of the reasons why, people using it to involve people in their private dramas that the other people haven't consented to be dragged into and don't want to be part of.

If we went back to before social media and the OP was asking "my DH cheated on me, shall I call most of the people we both know to tell them?" it would seem deranged and very unhealthy for the betrayed partner to engage in such an exercise.

But because it's just a few sentences and press send, it's seen differently and it shouldn't be.

I really do hate what SM has done to us as individuals and as a society and how it's warped our ideas of communication and privacy.

Then they were never the OP’s friend in the first place. So no loss there.

I would do it. I think some circumstances call for a dignified silence but not this one where people you thought were your friends will have colluded in keeping this quiet.

I would send a very matter of fact statement. I’d say that you and H are getting divorced because he slept with so and so. I would announce that anyone who knew of this shag and didn’t have the decency to tell OP before they got married could remove themselves from her life because they are shit people. I would say they anyone who had knowledge has the moral compass of a slug.

That they allowed her to stand in front of all her friend and family and declare her love to a man who they KNEW had been unfaithful is gross.

I’d give it a few minutes to make sure it was read by enough people, screenshotted etc and then leave the group.

Tbh, I would probably do it to be spiteful.

I know for a fact I would regret it after though.

As PP have said, it may cause you more hurt in the long run.

Then don't be surprised at what might happen as a result. I've said before that I knew a woman who outed someone on social media. The woman attacked her and left her with permanent damage. She wishes she had just left well alone!

WhatsApp isn’t really social media though.

OP I would tell them separately rather than on the group chat though. Then you can go into as much or as little detail as you want depending on your individual relationship with each one.

I hear you but don't think that dignity is necessarily reserved for women, in the same way as Bossy or Naggy definitely is. It doesn't always mean silence either, you can absolutely make a very dignified speech to get your point accross, but probably not in a WhatsApp group.

Yes I'd absolutely make sure everyone knows and male sure you tell the ones that knew and said nothing that they are scum too

As opposed to everything being about lies, cheating eh and that's ok as long as the person cheated on remains "dignified"?

If most in the group probably already know then they've already taken sides - they are still friends with him and her. I know someone who posts this type of stuff on Facebook. No-one thinks it's a good look.

Yes, I agree with doing it.
To be clear and avoid all ambiguity, allowing H and OW to "spin" the news, I'd have to say....

H and I are breaking up. He has been having an affair with OW since before we got married, while I was pregnant, and after we got married. I am unbelievably hurt and can't forgive the betrayal by them both.

Further info:

-l don’t want to reconcile with him. This wouldn’t be a way of making him be sorry or behave better. He doesn’t seem that sorry or willing to explain the shitty chain of events. In actuality it would be funny if they made a go of it as she’s a right car crash and demanding. One of those women who doesn’t see why she has to work. Not sure why her marriage ended
-scorched earth is what l want. Maybe want to see 1 or 2 out of the WhatsApp ever again
-l have discreetly got some legal advice. I am going to propose 50/50 custody and what we financially brought into the relationship which is fairly equal

It was a one night stand?

I just see a man about to get a free pass to do this and never have it spoken of again. How exactly will men like this realise the pain and damage they cause if everyone continues to enable this behaviour? You see it time and again, families creating shields of lies, ruining other relationships with grand kids etc all to protect a selfish man who can't keep it in his pants. Saving him from any discomfort or awkward reflection seems to be the only upside of keeping quiet. Why shouldn't he have his arse handed to him on a plate by disappointed friends and the group be warned of their morals for the future?

I would. Something casual, touch passive aggressive but not angry.

”Hi guys, just letting you know that I am divorcing EXDH. It turns out that just before our wedding last year, while I was pregnant, EXDH and EXFriend had an affair. Having recently discovered this, I have decided that I don’t want to waste any more of my time with someone who clearly isn’t worth it. No hard feelings, just wishing that DH and EXfriend have the happiness in life that they deserve.”

Dont do it. Message the for coffee 1 to 1 and tell them. Do some proper sad eyes and wondering out loud about why you arent good enough and then they are more likely to try to close around you and put you first for invites. She will lose out twice then.

I probably wouldn't put it in the WhatsApp group (although there's nothing wrong with doing that) but I would tell anyone that asked why we had split up!

Just why....? Never understand this approach. What on earth is the point? What do you hope to gain? And why put yourself through the upset again.

You know the situation, just deal with it like an adult.

I didn't announce when my DH cheated in a WhatsApp group but I told everyone including all of our joint friends, and exh best friend he had from primary school. We used to go out with and on holiday with joint friends. Result after breakup I retained almost all our joint friends including exh best friend except one, and he was left with only 1 friend. I certainly was not having him making up a sanitised version of the truth. I'd say go for it. It will make you feel better. The shame is his and the OWs.

Why would she do that when she already knows she is good enough? It is he that is not good enough.

I couldn't lower myself to anyone else's level, I would keep my dignity file for divorce and get on with my life

Attention seeking doesn't work

Yes do it but (sorry to be harsh) they will likely end up together and people will say it was fate/meant to be and how she was his real true love, only married you because of the pregnancy etc. be prepared for all of that.

Sorry this has happened to you.