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Original poster

Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

855 replies

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:47

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

OP posts:
return2sender · 22/02/2024 09:23

I would do it, too.

GoldDuster · 22/02/2024 09:23

Whentherainisfallinginyourface · 22/02/2024 09:21

Op this is a horrible shock but don’t do anything hasty. Your husband married you and has been faithful since? Is that correct? He behaved despicably but I would take some time to discuss this with him properly and sort out your relationship. For the sake of your child; whether you end up splitting or not.

This woman is just collateral damage from his actions. He treated her badly too. It’s him you need to talk to, not spread your anger over WhatsApp, and once you’ve had time to process it all, I would then send a very dignified message such as “Regretfully I’ve taken the decision to withdraw from this group, I’m sure some of you know why”

You'd need forgiveness reserves the size of the Pacfic Ocean to forgive your husband inviting his shagpeice to your wedding. I don't think that a nice chat over a cup of tea would sort this out for most people.

betterangels · 22/02/2024 09:25

Isthisexpected · 22/02/2024 09:21

There's nothing undignified about the truth.

A simple I have found about X and Y's affair and we are divorcing.

Then leave the group. The only people who contact you again will be those who didn't know. You're about to find out who your friends are I think.

I'd do this tbh.

user1984778379202 · 22/02/2024 09:25

How long was their affair and what ended it?

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/02/2024 09:27

I'd prime one friend in advance and get her to take screenshots then I'd announce it and leave the group. I'd make sure I'd left the house by then though.

britnay · 22/02/2024 09:33

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was having an affair with a friend's husband.

Lurkingandlearning · 22/02/2024 09:33

Alienating the group seems to be the only downside mentioned specifically.

In the same position I don’t think I could remain friends with the people who knew about it and colluded with the deception and as PPs have said, they probably all knew if only via the grapevine.

That friendship group is tainted so he ruined their relationship and a chunk of her social life.

I would message, beginning “as you may know…”

Any of the group who want to stick by her won’t be deterred by her honestly acknowledging what has happened. They’re going to find out they’ve split up at some point, why shouldn’t that be how and when she decides.

travelallthetime · 22/02/2024 09:33

I would get my ducks in a row and then a simple x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y. I just wanted you all to know the real reason from the horses mouth to avoid any rumours.
Then leave.
Job done.
Not a lot he can say to make himself look good in this situation

MissingMoominMamma · 22/02/2024 09:33

Don’t. Just leave him and the group. Those who care about you will seek you out.

Gemstonebeach · 22/02/2024 09:34

Don’t do it. It feel like it will feel good but it doesn’t.

BarrelOfOtters · 22/02/2024 09:35

MissingMoominMamma · 22/02/2024 09:33

Don’t. Just leave him and the group. Those who care about you will seek you out.

This.

the ones who are friends will be upset to find out that way, you are just providing gossip for the others.

Cosycover · 22/02/2024 09:36

Are you 100% leaving him?

If there is any doubt in your head then don't do it.

If 100% then I'd absolutely do it.

Rosestulips · 22/02/2024 09:37

I would just leave the group, create new group with everyone from the original except them two and tell them discreetly. Or individually.

have you left him?

Bookworm20 · 22/02/2024 09:38

I would not have married him if l had known

This is key. He took away your choice for your future by not telling you. To save his own backside. What a piece of shit.

I would absolutely announce it in the whatsapp group.
Sometimes just quietly walking away doesn't get your point across.
I'd cause a right stink and drop the 2 of them in it head first.
And if everyone else already knew, then they are not your friends.

So sorry this happened OP.

PinkyFlamingo · 22/02/2024 09:40

I would. Why is it "dignified" to shut up

lljkk · 22/02/2024 09:41

You'll be putting everyone in the group in position where they feel like they have to take sides, and some will just run away from everyone involved.

So if you want to destroy the group & you personally lose all those relationships, crack on.

My aunt did something sort of similar, told everyone they mutually knew about uncle's infidility, all in one morning. This move certainly destroyed their old life very quickly, rip the plaster off, get it over with.

Some would say that Revenge is a Dish Best Served cold, though.

SwedishEdith · 22/02/2024 09:42

It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle. Why do you need to announce on WhatsApp that you're splitting up? Just leave the group and make a new one with people who are your friends.

toomanyleggings · 22/02/2024 09:45

If you’ve got children or are having a child with this man, remember this woman could very well be your kids new stepmother going forward. I’d be careful about any nastiness and try to retain some dignity.

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/02/2024 09:45

You'll just feed the narrative that you're unhinged.

I agree with this. I'm sorry this has happened to you, op. If you want friends to know what happened, meet up with each of them 1-1 to chat about it. You'll get the bonus of having some nice sympathetic chats

Bookworm20 · 22/02/2024 09:47

You'll be putting everyone in the group in position where they feel like they have to take sides, and some will just run away from everyone involved.

So if you want to destroy the group & you personally lose all those relationships, crack on.

My aunt did something sort of similar, told everyone they mutually knew about uncle's infidility, all in one morning. This move certainly destroyed their old life very quickly, rip the plaster off, get it over with.

They both put everyone in the group in position where they feel like they have to take sides, and some will just run away from everyone involved.

So if they wanted to destroy the group & cause you and them to personally lose all those relationships, let them crack on.

My aunt did something sort of similar, told everyone they mutually knew about uncle's infidility, all in one morning. His infidelity certainly destroyed their old life very quickly, rip the plaster off, get it over with.

There fixed it for you.

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 22/02/2024 09:48

makeupme · 22/02/2024 09:04

Why on earth would they side with a woman and man who cheated on OP and she caused a scene at their wedding? Of course they aren't.

You’d be surprised

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 22/02/2024 09:50

BarrelOfOtters · 22/02/2024 09:35

This.

the ones who are friends will be upset to find out that way, you are just providing gossip for the others.

Show quote history

This

Laiste · 22/02/2024 09:50

You've got children OP. Don't do it.

If you want to tell people about what the pair of them did then do it face to face. But don't get involved in vomiting stuff out all over social media.

Also - think about the impact this will have on your relationship with XH going forward wrt organising contact with the DC. It's all about them now. If you're reasonably amicable with H now it's best for the DC and your own mental health not to cause a shit storm just for some kind of short term kick out of it.

He behaved like a wanker. Don't join in.

NotQuiteNorma · 22/02/2024 09:51

PinkyFlamingo · 22/02/2024 09:40

I would. Why is it "dignified" to shut up

Because people are less likely to trust you when you air your dirty laundry in public.

RatatouillePie · 22/02/2024 09:52

So was this a prolonged affair or just a short one?!?

If it was serious between them he wouldn't have married you, so surely the affair can't have been that serious?! As she came to the wedding it can't be particularly awkward between them.

My all means announce it in the WhatsApp group, but expect people to take sides. As above, some will deem he made a mistake and forgot about it and think you're over-reacting and take his side, so don't be surprised by this.