Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

855 replies

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:47

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 22/02/2024 10:37

Anothnamechang · 22/02/2024 10:33

Depends, some in the WhatsApp group may look at her in a different light I.e can’t trust her round my OH etc.

You then also run the risk that people would rather not speak with you to remain loyal to their other friends.

If I were me, I’d absolutely put it in the group chat though. For none other than to shame the pair of them.

Anyone who cuts her out after this was never a real friend anyway.

Americano75 · 22/02/2024 10:39

My first thought was don't do it, but actually fuck it, go for it. I wish I'd been able to do this to my ex but by the time our clusterfuck of a marriage finally ended I was too broken to do anything but crawl away.

Illpickthatup · 22/02/2024 10:39

TeeBee · 22/02/2024 10:15

Honestly, I'd be looking to preserve my solid friendship group at a time like this. While I can totally understand the urge to go ballistic, id be concerned it would make my actual friends uncomfortable and awkward about talking to me. If that was a risk, I wouldn't do it. I'd make a separate WhatsApp group for those who were proper friends and let them know the situation and tell them that you made need some support in the coming months. Everyone else will find out in time.

Real friends would be showing up to her door with a bottle of wine and 2 shovels asking where she wanted to bury the bodies, not feeling awkward that she's exposed the cheating rats. She needs real friends around her right now, not fake ones.

Meagainnewname · 22/02/2024 10:40

How did you manage to find out?
Were they seeing each other or was it a one off?
Not that it makes any difference, I’d definitely leave him, not sure about announcing it in the group though, does anyone else know about it?

Universalsnail · 22/02/2024 10:42

I wouldn't. You'll probably feel embarrassed that you did this in the future and I'll be awkward AF for everyone else and you'll be the gossip for ages.

TheFrendo · 22/02/2024 10:43

I would do it, leaves no wriggle room.

Also ask 'Who knew?'

Crikeyalmighty · 22/02/2024 10:43

It's the kind of thing I would do 'in my head' but not follow through. Thing isOP if you split you will need and want your friends and some of the others in the group (like on this thread) will think 'good on her' others will think 'poor show' - and give you a swerve.

Slanketblanket · 22/02/2024 10:43

I don't think you should do it but if you do I want to see the screenshots. I realise this makes me an awful person but there you have it.

NoOrdinaryMorning · 22/02/2024 10:44

I would. Why should you protect her?

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 10:44

Would it affect your child in any way? Do the other people in the group have kids in the same circle who might learn about it as they get older or something?

Trulyme · 22/02/2024 10:44

Why now?

When did you split up with him?

If you got married last year I’m wondering why you were still in a group chat with her and why you want it to come out now.

Universalsnail · 22/02/2024 10:44

Honestly I would be empathetic but would experience second hand embarrassment for my friend if they did this so publicly.

NoOrdinaryMorning · 22/02/2024 10:46

Another reason why I would, is because when you split, he will have a chance to tell mutual friends whatever the fuck he likes! And a man like him won’t think twice about lying through his teeth. Again.

thisoldcity · 22/02/2024 10:47

If you are just telling the truth in a straightforward way, I don't see anything undignified about it. If you want to do that, do it.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 22/02/2024 10:50

Not dignified but its what I would do tbh

NoOrdinaryMorning · 22/02/2024 10:50

Rosestulips · 22/02/2024 09:37

I would just leave the group, create new group with everyone from the original except them two and tell them discreetly. Or individually.

have you left him?

Why on earth would you go to all of those lengths to protect him and the woman he cheated on her with?

StarDolphins · 22/02/2024 10:53

Dignity in this situation is overrated. In this situation I would put ‘since xxx & my Husband cheated on me, will be be divorcing’ and It would make me feel a whole lot better without an ounce of regret.

HemlockSoup · 22/02/2024 10:57

Nothing undignified about the truth.

NoraBattysCurlers · 22/02/2024 10:58

Announcing it on a Whatsapp group?

All as bad as each other will be the likely consensus.

Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:04

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 10:44

Would it affect your child in any way? Do the other people in the group have kids in the same circle who might learn about it as they get older or something?

It’s not my job to keep his shitty actions from other people’s children or ours

OP posts:
Cherry8809 · 22/02/2024 11:05

I’d do it.

Hopefully it’s cathartic for you, and also makes the friend group see them both for exactly what they are.

HJ40 · 22/02/2024 11:06

I think given your update and that you don't care about seeing the vast majority of the group again, then I would absolutely do it.

But I would only keep it very short as a pp said. "To let you know, x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y".

Then you retain some dignity. If you say anything else, it won't look good.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/02/2024 11:06

I think I'd do it. But be prepared for them to either turn on you or not want to get involved. I'm sorry this happened to you btw.

And as pp said short and sweet is the way to go and leave the group. Don't let it get into a WA bitchfest.

Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:06

NoraBattysCurlers · 22/02/2024 10:58

Announcing it on a Whatsapp group?

All as bad as each other will be the likely consensus.

I don’t think cheating on your fiancée, concealing it for a time, marrying your fiancé and inviting other woman to the wedding. Is as shitty as telling the truth. I don’t think this happened, l know it happened -he told me himself and l saw her at our wedding

OP posts:
Original poster
TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 11:07

HJ40 · 22/02/2024 11:06

I think given your update and that you don't care about seeing the vast majority of the group again, then I would absolutely do it.

But I would only keep it very short as a pp said. "To let you know, x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y".

Then you retain some dignity. If you say anything else, it won't look good.

I was planning something short like this. Rather than calling her a skank and running her down -they know that already

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread