Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

@MeTooOverHere

-scorched earth is what l want. Maybe want to see 1 or 2 out of the WhatsApp ever again

OP doesn't seem to be that fussed about preventing offense or hurt, nor should she be.

You sound like a shit friend if you'd be giddy with excitement if one of them got cheated on by a friend and your only priority would be sending it on to your other mates. Some of us actually LIKE their friends

It's sad and shocking that 80% of people who voted on this topic indicate that they want the OP to 'name and shame' her husband.

It's possible that is all that she wanted to do, in some kind of retaliation for his infidelity. She has not said anything more about their relationship. She has not said that he has been abusive or has addictions.

The husband's behaviour should not be condoned but it appears that many of this 80% are encouraging the OP to both expose her husband online and also to divorce him.

The consequences of a divorce could be negative all round - everyone loses, emotionally and financially, particularly the children. This is a step not be undertaken lightly.

No one knows what is on her mind apart from a stated wish to retaliate in this way.

The OP has been deeply hurt by her husband's behaviour and wants to seek some sort of 'revenge.' As stated above, the consequences could be extremely negative.

Marriage is based on love, trust and compromise.

It is entirely up to the OP and her husband what happens next. A more productive response would be to turn this unfortunate event around and if the couple want to do this, possibly with the help of a relationship counsellor, then there is every chance that they can draw a line under it and move on with greater strength than they had before.

Let's hope.that they they make the best decision for them and for their children.

I didn't say don't say anything, I said keep it short because they aren't worth it....short and sweet.

Hold your head up high because she doesn't have to stoop to their level... She is better than that.

*The OP has been deeply hurt by her husband's behaviour and wants to seek
some sort of 'revenge.' As stated above, the consequences could be
extremely negative.

Marriage is based on love, trust and compromise.

It is entirely up to the OP and her husband what happens next. A more
productive response would be to turn this unfortunate event around and
if the couple want to do this, possibly with the help of a relationship
counsellor, then there is every chance that they can draw a line under
it and move on with greater strength than they had before. *

Their marriage was based upon a lie, literally at the event.

The husband's behaviour should not be condoned but it appears that many of this 80% are encouraging the OP to both expose her husband online and also to divorce him.

She told us she is going to divorce him.

We have advised her that IF she is going to make the announcement in the What'sApp group to keep it short, sweet, factual and then leave the group. She has agreed all the way thru that this is what she plans to do (eg they already know she's a skank etc etc)

They had been engaged for years, bought a house together and gone thru fertility treatment together. He could have come clean before the wedding and chose not to. That is clearly being unfaithful in my book AND also hiding it until after the wedding.

I think you have misunderstood.

She has already decided to divorce him, and that is certainly up to her.

Nobody is suggesting naming and shaming him on line.

The discussion is about providing a simple explanation on a shared WhatsApp group.

After all the dishonesty, the point is just a simple, clear statement that allows the OP to feel as though she has some control over the truth.

She can’t control how people react to that, but after so much lying it’s worth something.

@Merrymouse everybody in that group has been watching this play out, and it's really likely that they already know... the idea that OP can gain some kind of control of the situation with a WhatsApp message is an illusion.

She doesn't need to provide some kind of announcement or statement, she's not Colleen Rooney. It doesn't change a thing in reality.

Just do it then, do what you want to do 🤷🏻‍♀️. You don’t need bunch of random internet people to tell you YABU/YANBU surely - you’ve made your mind up - just do it.

Consequences...

@TruthorDie have you done it yet?

She has long gone! We won't see her round these 'ere parts again

I expect you're right

With some of the comments aimed at OP it doesn’t surprise me that she’s left the thread.

Nobody can control a situation like that, but she can be clear about what has happened, for her own sake.

If you have been in a situation that has been so dishonest, and where you have been denied agency, don’t underestimate how much it is worth to be able to simply state the truth.

That won’t stop people talking or change the outcome, but in this case lays out that

1. She knows what happened
2. That is the reason why she has decided to divorce her husband.

(A different situation, but I would also guess that that was why Colleen Rooney became so obsessed with establishing who was lying to her).

Its not as though she is going to stay in the WhatsApp Group, so whatever she does will be interpreted as a flounce.

I must have missed the post where the OP said she intended to divorce her husband.

The OP initially stated that she was thinking of using WhatsApp to publicise details of his behavior. Whatsapp is online once the app is opened.

My main point was that there was another and possibly better way to deal with this unfortunate issue.

That is, to think it through and consider other options, unless she sees the situation as being irreparable.

The many negative consequences should be considered to weigh up the long-term effects on all concerned, particularly her children.

OP says there's only one or two in the group she'd like to stay in contact with. It doesn't sound as though they are friends, so OP shouldn't act on the assumption that they'll respond as if they are. An act like this is clearly intended to cause drama, whatever the "no it's just a neutral explanation for leaving the group" lobby would have you believe, so expect people to take that cue.

Individual, private tellings are much less likely to cause a dramatic blow up but anyone who does this wants a dramatic blow up. So do what you like, but don't imagine anyone will believe that you didn't mean to cause drama!

If you click on "see all' at bottom right of op's post it filters to just op post, here is the post in question

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 09:59
Further info:

-l don’t want to reconcile with him. This wouldn’t be a way of making him be sorry or behave better. He doesn’t seem that sorry or willing to explain the shitty chain of events. In actuality it would be funny if they made a go of it as she’s a right car crash and demanding. One of those women who doesn’t see why she has to work. Not sure why her marriage ended
-scorched earth is what l want. Maybe want to see 1 or 2 out of the WhatsApp ever again
-l have discreetly got some legal advice. I am going to propose 50/50 custody and what we financially brought into the relationship which is fairly equal

I missed that one, do you have a link?

WhatsApp is online but not public. It's a private group only.

She does see the situation as irreparable and she has decided to divorce him. It might have been in her later comments but it was one of the first things I read.

There's no evidence everyone in the group already knows, though some might.

Why should @TruthorDie lose the friends? The cheaters are the ones who should leave the group.

As someone who has endured the indignity of marrying someone who cheated on me before and during the marriage… send the what’s app. YOU have nothing to be ashamed of; YOU did not stick your ^%* into someone; YOU did not lie. HE needs to own his role in the marriage failure … and from experience sending one message easier than having to explain reasons 10 times over.

While i think you are well within your rights to be angry, he after all cheated on you, i think the WhatsApp group might be a bad idea. You are leaving him for the cheating he did, fair enough thats up to you, some people might argue it was in the past, some people might say he crossed the line and thats that. The WhatsApp thing is probably your anger speaking and i dont think you would do it if you were thinking straight. It seems you want to embarrass him and her - to what end though? He won't feel as hurt as you do, neither will she. What is the outcome of the WhatsApp exposure?