Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset that husband eats my leftovers

181 replies

Triste1992 · 22/02/2024 00:50

I know its a petty situation, but I cant help but getting upset/annoyed when I dont finish my food/snack, step away from the table (to help our child for example) and come back to an empty plate because DH ate it. His excuse? I thought it was leftovers and nobody wanted it.

It happens frequently and its always the same excuse. I dont yell at him, just complain. But now, he gets upset. Today, he told me I was cheap and it degenerated into a big fight, because we are both fed up. He thinks he does nothing wrong, I feel annoyed that something I expected to eat dissapeared and that the same situation repeats and repeats. AIBU?

OP posts:
SlumberDearMaid · 22/02/2024 23:18

Would YOU ever just help yourself to someone else’s food, off their plate - while they’re off wiping a toddler’s bum or
something?

Exactly.

If a women had come on here to say she’d done exactly that, and her partner was getting annoyed, she’d be ripped to shreds.

But a women comes on to say her male partner does it, and people contort themselves into spaghetti, justifying it, and providing endless suggestion of how she should change her behaviour.

It’s boggling to me…. 🤯

SemperIdem · 22/02/2024 23:21

What on earth?!

He isn’t eating your leftovers, he’s eating your meal that you have had to momentarily leave.

That disgustingly rude, greedy behaviour. What is wrong with him?!

WhatEverNextNow999 · 22/02/2024 23:27

He would be dead courtesy of my fork in his eye if he was my husband. Happily mine is well aware of this, this isn’t even leftovers, it’s your actual fucking meal. Send him to deal with the kids then feed his to the dog and claim you ate it.

we also don’t eat each others leftovers unless by prior agreement (or unusual circumstances)

skygradient · 22/02/2024 23:32

SlumberDearMaid · 22/02/2024 23:18

Would YOU ever just help yourself to someone else’s food, off their plate - while they’re off wiping a toddler’s bum or
something?

Exactly.

If a women had come on here to say she’d done exactly that, and her partner was getting annoyed, she’d be ripped to shreds.

But a women comes on to say her male partner does it, and people contort themselves into spaghetti, justifying it, and providing endless suggestion of how she should change her behaviour.

It’s boggling to me…. 🤯

Nah if a man came on here with this complaint about his wife, people would act like he was starving the poor woman 🤣

NoFucksToGive · 22/02/2024 23:56

I read parts of this thread to DH earlier. His response was disgust that any partner would happily help themselves to a half finished meal that the other hadn’t finished eating. We both find it very rude and it’s a total lack of respect for the other partner (male or female). It’s similar to the ‘the best bits’ threads we see on here which we find odd too. Neither one of us gives the other the best bits - we share equally if that makes sense.

Getting back to the OP why are you with him if he doesn’t treat you as equal and respect that food on your plate isn’t his to wolf down? I’m surprised that so many people put up with partners who eat everything in cupboards, eat children’s meals when they are at the loo during a meal and think it’s acceptable to eat things given as gifts.

We have never restricted food but we were brought up with restrictions on food. That doesn’t make us greedy with other food though as been suggested on this thread.

I couldn’t live with anyone who thought it was appropriate to eat food on my plate when I hadn’t finished eating.

ChristmasFluff · 23/02/2024 14:05

Does he not understand that unless your knife and fork are together, you haven't finished? He needs pulling up on his table etiquette, as well as being selfish.

caringcarer · 23/02/2024 14:32

LimeViewer · 22/02/2024 00:53

Your title is wrong. He doesn't eat your leftovers, he eats your actual dinner. Wanker.

This. It's not left overs if you are still going to eat it. Why doesn't he just dish himself up a larger plateful instead of stealing your meal? I'd be furious with him.

toomuchfaff · 23/02/2024 14:47

as you step away - move your plate away from him - whilst saying something along the lines - "i haven't finished with this, but as you cant seem to keep your fat fingers off my unfinished food, i better move it out of your reach so its here when i come back"

Then if he eats it - you know its not a misunderstanding - its actually him trampling all over your boundaries...

StockpotSoup · 23/02/2024 16:51

You could cook him much bigger portions when it is your turn to cook, and any excess frozen afterwards.

But does he complain he’s still hungry after finishing his meal if there are no “leftovers” of the OP’s to eat? She can’t be called away from the table every night - so some nights he must just eat his own.

If he’s not complaining of hunger any other time, he’s not eating the OP’s food out of hunger either. He’s doing it because it’s there.

Original poster
Triste1992 · 23/02/2024 17:47

zingally · 22/02/2024 09:00

As children, we had the phrase "daddy dustbin".

He'd sit there and moan about how he always got "the scrappy bits", when in fact he'd always get the largest portion of whatever it was. If it was something like a meat pie, he'd take it apart and count how many actual pieces of meat were in his slice, and then complain about whatever number it was.

He'd also sit and wait for us kids to just start to show signs of being full, and then would lean across and swipe whatever was left on our plates. We'd literally still have knife and fork in hand, and he'd be stealing our food.

We discovered, later in life, that he'd grown up with a very disordered view of food. He was the much younger youngest child in the family. His mum had grown up in all-female boarding schools from a very young age after her mum died and her dad did a bunk. She knew absolutely nothing about young boys and their eating requirements. His dad work long hours, far from home, was very likely autistic, and although he loved his kids, there was a lot of benign neglect, as child-rearing was still very much womens work.
He literally DID grow up on the scrappy bits at the dinner table.
He recounted going off to university and being mind-blown when he was able to eat an entire peach to himself.

Honestly, until my dad was in his 60s, we'd just all thought he was a pig. It was only when he started to make disclosures about his upbringing that we started to understand.

Yes, my DH is Cuban and went through a few years of hunger, so he does have some disfunctional eating habits. Its sad.

OP posts:
TwentyFirstCenturyOracle · 23/02/2024 17:58

Eating your leftovers? Fine
Eating your dinner when you aren't looking? Wtf

Mumof3confused · 23/02/2024 18:08

My ex used to always eat the last bit of everything. Take the last coffee, the last milk, the last whatever. He’d even eat foods I had purposely saved for the children’s packed lunch. And then look at me blankly when I got pissed off.

Your husband is on another level of selfish and greedy.

azlazee1 · 23/02/2024 18:24

Treat him like the child he's being and tell him when you leave the table that you will be back to finish your meal. Or let him fix his own meals. I would not be happy if someone did this to me, but if they continued to do this, I would feel bullied and would reconsider the relationship.

fetchacloth · 23/02/2024 18:29

I think that's terrible behaviour OP 😦
Your husband is a greedy pig.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/02/2024 18:30

"It happens frequently and its always the same excuse. I dont yell at him, just complain. But now, he gets upset."
Upset? As in, upset that you complain, because you should accept him eating your dinner and say nothing? Because I'm doubting he's upset that he's 'forgotten' not to eat your share as well as his own.

I suspect he is 'upset' rather than upset. As in, he may express that he is upset, but it's just a tactic he's deploying to see if it will shut you up. Don't fall for it.

"Yes, my DH is Cuban and went through a few years of hunger, so he does have some disfunctional eating habits. Its sad."
Honestly? He's an adult now, and should be capable of self-control. Regardless of his past food issues (and I accept they could be emotionally powerful for him) he's not in Cuba now and there is not an insurmountable problem getting enough food into the house. Rationally, he must know that. He needs to exercise self-control and BE a fucking adult!

You've told him that taking your food when you haven't finished eating is upsetting you. He is choosing to pretend he thought you didn't want it - he damned well knows you did! Maybe getting a cover to put over your plate would reinforce the message, but I wouldn't count on it.

What would he do if, instead of you "step[ping] away from the table (to help our child for example)" you stayed at the table and asked him to"help our child for example" instead, because you don't want to "come back to an empty plate"? What would he do?

Also - just keep in mind that he is modelling this behaviour to your child. So the sooner he stops doing this, the better.

mandlerparr · 23/02/2024 18:32

You have already told him several times that just because you left your plate with food, that doesn't mean you were done. You shouldn't have to tell him every single time.
If he is still hungry, may be time to make a little extra or have him go buy some snacks or extra food for when he gets hungry.

NoDought · 23/02/2024 18:33

You get up to loo after your child and he eats your dinner? He sounds awful and what reason does he have for going in a huff with you?

Borgonzola · 23/02/2024 18:35

YANBU, this would send me into a rage.

Lifeinlists · 23/02/2024 18:52

@Triste1992 His Cuban childhood may well have had a psychological effect on how he sees food and this 'grab it while you can' mentality may spring from that. It may not, of course, and he's just using it as an excuse to behave atrociously.

If it's the former, tell him to get some help. If its the latter, tell him your marriage is at risk. Whatever his problem is, it isn't hunger. You can't go on like this, especially when children are seeing / experiencing it.

Mumof3PrettyBoys · 23/02/2024 19:03

My dad used to do this, but then Mum started licking everything, slurping the gravy all sorts which did put my dad off touching it 😅

Fake cough or sneeze on it before u leave next time OP and see if he still finishes it

Justanything86 · 23/02/2024 19:09

Go to a pottery painting place and make yourself a plate that a says 'Don't you fucking dare' around the edge for you to serve your dinners on.

Seriously though I'd be asking him if he's had a fall recently he's not told you about because a brain injury is the only scenario I can imagine that explains why he's not getting this.

HungryandIknowit · 23/02/2024 19:11

Do it to him.

Woman2023 · 23/02/2024 19:14

snackatack · 22/02/2024 00:56

Tell him to go and deal with whatever you were getting up for - because you need to finish your food... EVERY TIME

he will soon get that not eating your food was the better option

This.

Ridiculous though that he didn't learn from his mistake the first time and you have to work around his behaviour. Is he disrespectful in other ways?

Just getting vibes of my arsey ex in terms of unreasonableness.

Deborah54 · 23/02/2024 19:52

Mine does this with the grandkids food. Regularly says “ you’re not going to eat that, are you”? Even when they’ve just had a plate put in front of them. His dad does exactly the same. Pigs, it’s disgusting.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2024 20:42

Op and those women who have husbands who behave similarly….do you actually still fancy these men?! Cos I really think it would give me the ick!