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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset that husband eats my leftovers

181 replies

Triste1992 · 22/02/2024 00:50

I know its a petty situation, but I cant help but getting upset/annoyed when I dont finish my food/snack, step away from the table (to help our child for example) and come back to an empty plate because DH ate it. His excuse? I thought it was leftovers and nobody wanted it.

It happens frequently and its always the same excuse. I dont yell at him, just complain. But now, he gets upset. Today, he told me I was cheap and it degenerated into a big fight, because we are both fed up. He thinks he does nothing wrong, I feel annoyed that something I expected to eat dissapeared and that the same situation repeats and repeats. AIBU?

OP posts:
TwylaSands · 22/02/2024 07:24

Kalevala · 22/02/2024 07:09

I realise that, not checking first is wrong. It's all the comments referring to him as a pig at a trough, as if finishing leftovers at all is pig like behaviour rather than just avoiding wasting food.

Show quote history
  1. But it isnt wasted food.
  2. he has been repeatedly told by op to stop doing this but he chooses to ignore her
  3. Having the ‘clear every plate’ mentality will quickly result in weight gain
  4. he is never the one who deals with his child at meal times
Tiggermom · 22/02/2024 07:25

You put your cutlery side by side on the plate at 11 o’clock to demonstrate you have finished eating.
if cutlery are not in this position you are still eating.

misskatamari · 22/02/2024 07:28

That sounds fucking infuriating and I really don’t think you should have to tell a grown adult not to eat your food, every time you leave it unattended for a moment.

i would calmly speak to him today and make it clear “it upsets me when food I have been expecting to eat is taken from me. It feels….xyz. I don’t want to keep having the same argument so let’s make sure this is clear between us. When I leave food, I expect to come back to it. I do not want it eating. Full stop. It’s never okay to just help yourself. Unless you have asked me first, and I have said yes in that instance, please leave my food alone”. Clear boundary. He has no excuse to do this again. And if he does, the problems run deeper as he’s obviously purposely ignoring you and behaving disrespectfully.

Kalevala · 22/02/2024 07:29

TwylaSands · 22/02/2024 07:24

  1. But it isnt wasted food.
  2. he has been repeatedly told by op to stop doing this but he chooses to ignore her
  3. Having the ‘clear every plate’ mentality will quickly result in weight gain
  4. he is never the one who deals with his child at meal times
Show quote history

I am only disagreeing with the implication that finishing food in itself is pig like behaviour. We are healthy weights in our house and we don't leave food on plates. If clean plates equal weight gain then too much has been served. The man is 100% wrong to finish food without permission. The lack of permission is the issue.

Loubelle70 · 22/02/2024 07:29

Lightningrain · 22/02/2024 00:54

YANBU although if it happened more than once to me I’d be making it very clear any time I walked away from food that I intended to return and eat it.

This.
Hes a greedy bastard and a dick if he does this everytime.. considering you've told him many times.
Personally, when we have sat down to a meal .id ask him to get me drink water, juice out fridge, then id steal his food... or if hes sat on sofa eg eating biscuits... chocolate.. ask him to get you drink...then take his stuff. You dont have to eat it ..just hide it. Dick head moves equate with dick head moves.

Beefcurtains79 · 22/02/2024 07:30

Kalevala · 22/02/2024 07:29

I am only disagreeing with the implication that finishing food in itself is pig like behaviour. We are healthy weights in our house and we don't leave food on plates. If clean plates equal weight gain then too much has been served. The man is 100% wrong to finish food without permission. The lack of permission is the issue.

Show quote history

No one’s said that though?! You are projecting big time.

Alwaysgoingforit · 22/02/2024 07:31

Picking food off of mummys plate, yet another overgrown child.

Lampslights · 22/02/2024 07:31

How often do you need to step away in the middle of the Meal for so long that he has time to sit and eat your dinner without you seeing and it’s a thing? That sounds like something to be managed.

Anyway just say to him, I’m coming back to this.

the issues folks have around food on here though is horrific. The abuse, greedy pig, fat fucker, 😳

Kittybythelighthouse · 22/02/2024 07:34

Kalevala · 22/02/2024 06:49

Yes, I agree. If it is with agreement then it is perfectly reasonable to share food and finish food. Sometimes one person isn't hungry and another is.

Show quote history

The entire point of the thread is that it isn’t with agreement. This extraordinary man is eating OP’s dinner if she steps away for a moment to help one of the kids.

Sunnydaysaregone · 22/02/2024 07:36

If you must leave the table before you’re finished eating cover your food with a plate and say you’ll be back to finish it. It’ll help keep it warm and hopefully discourage him from taking it.

Testina · 22/02/2024 07:36

What is going on in your home that you so often have to leave your unfinished dinner for your child, and that it’s you that goes?

You could position your cutlery in classic finished / not finished positions. You could tell him every time - “don’t touch this”. Better still, you could tell him once that he doesn’t touch unless you say so.

But… the sort of person who needs you to introduce those strategies, is the sort of person that will ignore them.

So I’d go full on row over it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kalevala · 22/02/2024 07:36

Kittybythelighthouse · 22/02/2024 07:34

The entire point of the thread is that it isn’t with agreement. This extraordinary man is eating OP’s dinner if she steps away for a moment to help one of the kids.

Show quote history

I have said many times that the issue is the lack of permission and that that is wrong.

the issues folks have around food on here though is horrific. The abuse, greedy pig, fat fucker, 😳

Yes, it's comments like those that I disagree with.

coodawoodashooda · 22/02/2024 07:39

Testina · 22/02/2024 07:36

What is going on in your home that you so often have to leave your unfinished dinner for your child, and that it’s you that goes?

You could position your cutlery in classic finished / not finished positions. You could tell him every time - “don’t touch this”. Better still, you could tell him once that he doesn’t touch unless you say so.

But… the sort of person who needs you to introduce those strategies, is the sort of person that will ignore them.

So I’d go full on row over it 🤷🏻‍♀️

As soon as you start explaining basic humanity to your husband, it's, 'game over'. He wouldn't do it to his boss' dinner. He either doesn't give a fk about you or gets off on watching you react. Or both.

TwylaSands · 22/02/2024 07:41

Tiggermom · 22/02/2024 07:25

You put your cutlery side by side on the plate at 11 o’clock to demonstrate you have finished eating.
if cutlery are not in this position you are still eating.

If op’s dh has been frequently told to stop eating the food off her plate, I very much dont the issue is the direction of the knife and fork.

SlumberDearMaid · 22/02/2024 07:42

Kalevala · 22/02/2024 07:36

I have said many times that the issue is the lack of permission and that that is wrong.

the issues folks have around food on here though is horrific. The abuse, greedy pig, fat fucker, 😳

Yes, it's comments like those that I disagree with.

Show quote history

People are calling him that because he’s hoovering up someone else’s food?!

They’re not calling him a pig for eating left-overs….. ?

LilyofftheValley · 22/02/2024 07:46

He is unreasonable but there are 2 very clear solutions

  1. He tends to the child
  2. Whoever is cooking makes a bigger portion size
LaylaLayla1 · 22/02/2024 07:48

HirplesWithHaggis · 22/02/2024 00:54

Do you tell him specifically, "Do not touch that, cuntybaws, I will be back to finish it"? Try that, it might work. Or ltb.

“cuntybaws” 😂😂😂😂

Loubelle70 · 22/02/2024 07:48

Take plate with you

DiscoBeat · 22/02/2024 07:49

Really annoying. We were always brought up to put our cutlery together in the middle of the plate when we were finished. Remind him of that so that he knows when to leave it!

TheChosenTwo · 22/02/2024 07:54

Your thread title is wrong, these are not leftovers he’s eating, no one would be annoyed at someone eating leftovers - they’re fair game. Your dinner is not.
Send him to deal with whatever you get up to do as you can’t trust him not to hoover up your dinner. And tell him why he needs to deal with it too.

Mix56 · 22/02/2024 08:01

He wouldn't do it if it was another adult.
Doing it more than once is deliberate.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 22/02/2024 08:02

I'm probably an outlier, but I think eating someone else's leftovers is gross and disgusting whether they have finished eating or not.

IndignantIguana · 22/02/2024 08:03

LimeViewer · 22/02/2024 00:53

Your title is wrong. He doesn't eat your leftovers, he eats your actual dinner. Wanker.

This exactly. Perhaps if he leaves the table during his dinner you could take his so he understands better.

Emily1583 · 22/02/2024 08:10

I can't help but feel better communication would resolve this ie I've not finished my food yet. I'll finish it in a bit. Job done. Easy.

JacksonLambsEatIvy · 22/02/2024 08:12

The idea that you are both fed up with this situation is ridiculous.

You are fed up because he keeps eating your food - off your plate!

He doesn’t like being told not to do something that is obviously selfish.

The two are not equivalent. Who steals their partner’s food as soon as they turn their back. It’s like a scene from a cartoon.

There’s no need to have a conversation with him about portion sizes or whatever. He’s an adult. If he needs more food he needs to use his words to ask for more (or serve himself more when he is cooking).

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