Upset that husband eats my leftovers

[Triste1992]

I know its a petty situation, but I cant help but getting upset/annoyed when I dont finish my food/snack, step away from the table (to help our child for example) and come back to an empty plate because DH ate it. His excuse? I thought it was leftovers and nobody wanted it.

It happens frequently and its always the same excuse. I dont yell at him, just complain. But now, he gets upset. Today, he told me I was cheap and it degenerated into a big fight, because we are both fed up. He thinks he does nothing wrong, I feel annoyed that something I expected to eat dissapeared and that the same situation repeats and repeats. AIBU?

@Dazedandfrazzled you would rather throw food away than let your husband eat it? I find that a bit strange. If it repulses you that he eats the leftover food on your plate, couldn’t you give yourself smaller portions?

how did you place your cutlery? Was it:

I am finished with this or I am taking a little break?

He‘s being massively unreasonable if it was the latter!

But this makes the assumption that he’s only eating OP’s food because he needs more. I honestly don’t think most people - and I include myself in that - eat leftovers (genuine leftovers!) for this reason: it’s often purely because they’re there.

If someone says to me, “Do you want the rest of my potatoes?” and I’ve enjoyed mine, then I’ll probably say yes and eat the leftover ones. If there are no leftover ones, I wouldn’t feel like I’d been short-changed, unless the portions had been tiny in the first place.

I honestly don’t think the OP’s husband is doing this because he’s not getting enough food. I think he’s doing it because the food’s there, and he can’t be arsed to listen when the OP tells him to check if she’s finished.

Who cares how she placed the cutlery? She’s not signalling to the waiting staff. It’s her home and her dinner. On the table.

it’s pretty obvious that you don’t take food off someone else’s plate unless you’ve explicitly been invited to do so. Even my 3 year old knows this.

There is no way to spin this to somehow justify the husband taking her food.

If you think so, maybe part of the problem is you're being too meak/weak?

I'd take the plate with me, wrap it and put in on the side or fridge. And if he touched it I'd go mental

Of course it isn’t justified.

But one would be worse than the other!

Of course YANBU.

You shouldn't have to tell him every time, or remember to place your cutlery a certain way (if there even is any as you mention snacks), or cover it up. You have told him - the default to 'avoid issues' is that he doesn't take food off other peoples plates without asking.

I have this problem too so if I have to leave food unattended for any reason, I hide it. But my problem is with cats and dogs eating my food, not another human!

That’s crazy! What on earth! 😂 get him told, that would give me proper ick!

My ex used to do that with snacks etc, I’d be eating a chocolate bar and would put it down to eat the rest later or nip to the toilet and when I went back for it, it had been eaten, could never have anything without hiding it, to me if you are having to hide food from your SO so they don’t eat it, there’s a problem.

The onus is on the DH to ASK.

Just why with the abuse? There is no need for it. It’s not even your food, and you’re frothing at the mouth and hurling abuse with relish.

@VashtaNerada

i don’t think it’s a communication, i think it’s a respect issue - he doesn’t see her as important and sees his own wants as more important.

@Triste1992

exactly op!

and you don’t think stealing YOUR food from YOUR plate is mean? Cos it is.

You do realise OP that’s this isn’t normal at all, hes literally eating your dinner and is making excuses to justify his greed, I’d tell him specifically that he’s only allowed to eat your food if you tell him he can, it’s not up to you to control his greedy impulses.

How about if he's already finished and your child needs help, he helps instead while you finish your own food!

I had this with my husband. No matter how high his plate is with food, he always asks for more. I don't make too much food, as I like to only cook what we can eat. The kids sometimes eat half, and ask to eat the rest later, which they do. I have to wrap up their plates and take into the kitchen, before my husband helps himself (he always says, they're not going to eat it?!). Wrap up leftovers and put away. If he's after a little something, direct him to the fruit bowl.

OMG! I’d be raging at this. This isn't about hunger or his interpretation. It’s a seemingly small act but it has huge implications. He does not respect you or your boundaries. This would only happen once in my house.

What is the matter with him?!!!

I would say - you go and deal with the x/y/z as I am still eating my tea and I can't trust you not to eat it when I am out of the room you greedy twat.

If he's after a little something, direct him to the fruit bowl.

I’m going to start playing a game: is this advice for dealing with a husband or a child?

I suspect I may be depressed at how often the advice that sounds like it’s for a child (so advice where the woman is expected to take responsibility for things) but it’s actually about how to deal with the behaviour of a fully grown man and father.

You could try teaching him the leave command. It worked soo well on my dog I don't need to say leave to him anymore, I can leave food on a plate anywhere and he doen't touch it. Not even overnight on the side in the kitchen!

Use tiny bits of chopped up cocktail sausage and tell him to leave the food you want him to leave, everytime he does, give him a tiny bit of sausage, it should work eventually! If it doesn't, leave the bastard.

If a man wrote this about a woman there would be an outcry. Give your head a wobble.

Given that people are actually giving advice you’d expect for socialising your own children, I think a tongue in cheek comment about teaching the food stealing husband a dog command seems fair.

@Lampslights

funnily enough though you don’t hear too many stories of women eating their husbands foods off their plate whilst husband tends to their young child

I wonder why that might be…

It would take him 2 seconds to say have you finished, do you mind if I finish it? Absolutely not in the wrong he is being greedy