Hi all,
I had turned 36 and wanted a baby so much but was running out of time.
So I went on Co-parents.co.uk to look for a guy to have a baby with me. I found him and we decided to try and conceive 'naturally'.
Initially, I was keen on the idea but after suffering from panic-fuelled bouts of insomnia, I realised I felt so weird and guilty about it, while still feeling desperately broody. So I told him I was scared. I said I didn't want to be a single mum. He was so kind and reassuring, told me I wouldn't be a single mum. There seemed to be a spark between us and I started to like him a lot.
We conceived after a few attempts and last year, I gave birth to a perfect baby boy. It's the best decision I have ever made, he means everything to me. The problem is that the co-parent and I aren't together. I was kind of misled and now, I am pretty much a single mother. Don't get me wrong, I prefer it this way - the baby is with me 100% of the time and sees his dad on occasion. He also pays a monthly amount of money for DS' maintenance.
When I asked him if he had told his parents and siblings about the baby, he said no. I asked him why, and he said that they would be shocked. Over the course of the year, I kept asking the same question, 'Why would your family be shocked?' 'Is it because you are married?' and he would keep evading it, saying that his private life is extremely complicated and that maybe he would tell me one day. But one day, it became unbearable for me and I asked for the truth. He got so stressed and angry (not taking it out on me, just feeling cornered and bothered) and asked why did it matter if his private life wasn't harming me and DS?
We're now on good enough terms - I don't ask him anything about his private life and he understands that I have to protect my emotions, which means I won't be affectionate and physical with him anymore.
But DS is now growing up and will soon start speaking. He will eventually be curious about his dad and will want to spend more time with him, even staying over with him.
The problem is, it still bothers me that DS' father hasn't told me about his private life - what on earth is he hiding? He assured me that he isn't a criminal and that his name and age (DOB) are correct. And I want to trust him, he is otherwise very kind and gentlemanly and fatherly.
I feel really weird and icky even contemplating hiring a private investigator BUT I will literally do anything to protect my DS from harm - my worst fear is that his dad is a p*phile or a registered sex offender. THAT's what I want to know.
I found a company that charges £375 to find out almost everything about him.
Am I being unreasonable here or is he being unreasonable?