Do I tell DS's sons dad that his mum is moving schools in 2 days?

[Awaanbileyirheid]

Ds came home from school today crying as his best friend is moving schools on Monday. (They're 11).
Thing is, his dad has not consented to move and has joint custody.
BF lives 50/50 with mum in one town and dad in our town. They're from here, been at school here from nursery.
BF mum moved 20 mins away last year with new boyfriend. Just after his dad was awarded joint custody. Dad hasnt got a car so they've shared kid since but remained at school.
I get on with both parents but his dad makes more effort with kid as he sees at that age, kids want to do stuff with friends.
Mum thinks he's autistic (he's not diagnosed) and rarely allows play dates.
Today DS and BF crying as mum moving schools to her new town. All secret tho, he mustnt tell his dad.
Do I tell the dad? The poor kid is in pieces as is my DS.
Or is it none of my business? Keep gob shut and comfort kids?

But his dad has him half the time, so he's currently at his local school. His mother changing his school effectively means that he can't live with his dad while school is in session. (Dad doesn't drive and there is no public transportation to/where the mother lives.)

I could totally see a court siding with him.

So this all seems like a lot of assumptions going on from information from a young a child, maybe if people concentrated on their own lives more there would be less situations turned into a soap opera because people who are not the couple know best?

I will add if anyone has any genuine issues and not 'I am coming up with things because I am bored' around the care a child is getting then contact the appropriate authorities

Or just telling the dad the one thing he doesnt know and letting him, as the actual parent, decide what is the best course of action?

ETA....they are not a couple, thats kind of the problem.

I would absolutely say something along the lines of 'DS is really upset that little Johnny is moving schools next week. Can we plan some meet ups for the next few weekends to help?'

It sounds like sneaky shite from the mother in an attempt to prevent 50-50 custody with Dad, effectively stopping him seeing his son.

I changed my mind after reading more posts. Think Emma8888's suggestion is the way to go but it's difficult to say without knowing any backstory as to why the mum is not telling the dad.

What do you hope to achieve? He'll know soon enough.

I love that people have brought up her doing this due to abuse, but no one is concerned the mother or her new boyfriend are abusive.

In fact I would argue that moving a possibly autistic child and asking him to lie to his father is absolutely abusive.

Tell the dad. Do the daft approach.

The child is already being harmed by the lying and the child is the only one that really matters.

I would definitely tell the dad and speak to the school today as a safeguarding issue.

He has 50 50 custody it wouldn't be this is there was documented abuse from dad going on so it can't be dv.

I'd say her asking her child to keep such a bug secret from someone he's 50% of time with is abuse,the mental pressure that poor kid must be going through feeling torn is unreal. What else us he being asked to lie about for her.

Def play the dumb card and raise with dad in passing comments.

Did you read the OP or just decide based on what you think is the situation?

Let's hope dad dies go back to court again and get full custody.

Exactly! The responses would be very different then!

This

Agree with @PyongyangKipperbang. And anyone who thinks 'let it happen and court will swiftly sort it out' clearly has never been through family court. There is currently a 12 week wait for emergency hearings where we live. Would you all be happy not to see your child for three months, with no guarantee of the outcome going your way at the end of it? Of course not. But it always seems on here that what would be unthinkable for Mums is fine for Dads.

How many times have we read appalling news stories about ‘mum and new stepdad being strict’ about kids who are longer with us and people could have done something about it?

this has alarm bells ringing loudly

Said no one on a thread with the sexes reversed, ever.

No.
I'm not saying not to tell him. I just don't see how he can stop it from happening if as you said there won't be any consequences for her breaking the court order.
You said an explosion now is better than one 2 weeks down the line...you don't know that....she is obviously going to expect an explosion from him too and that hasn't stopped her making the plan.

You've decided that the child will suffer less if the dad finds out now as opposed to in 2 days time, but many of us just don't think that.

For all we know the dad could lose it completely, refuse to return the child if he has him over the weekend and it could be him who suffers consequences from the court.

The OP said the dad got solicitors involved last year and as far as she knows the child is supposed to stay in primary AND secondary in their town.
That seems awfully restrictive to decide on the secondary school in advance? Would a court really do that?

I could understand it if one parent had moved hours away, but for the sake of 20 minutes? Would a childs school options really be restricted so much?

The dad doesn't drive, as others have said, that's possibly due to a medical issue, but what if he just never learned? Would it have been possible that the childs move was blocked for a year to give the dad time to learn to drive?

You think it's better he turns up to do the school run to find his DS isn't there?

Why are so many people advising the OP to pretend to be "daft"? Once she's made a decision about how to handle this, can't she take ownership of her actions like a grown-up? This is why women continue to get stuck in infantilising stereotypes. No one would be advising a man in this situation to "act like a silly little boy".

Exactly

Well I don't know how the mother was intending on handling the situation do I?
But if I was to guess I would assume she would send him a message on whatever day he was due to collect the child from school rather than let him go and wait?

@Awaanbileyirheid have you said anything yet?

I would tell the father in a ‘DS is sorry to hear his friend is moving and can we keep in touch’ kind of way.

If you tell Dad now he can to stop the change of school and keep 50-50 contact with his child, which he won’t be able to do afterwards. It’s clear that the child would prefer to stay at his current school and his wishes are being ignored which must be distressing.

If his mother has good reasons for the change she can discuss it in court with the child’s father.. She’s an absolute cow to make the child keep it a secret from his Dad.

I think I’d do this too. They have joint custody, he should have the opportunity to fight this decision, especially if it will impact how he can parent his child.