Do I tell DS's sons dad that his mum is moving schools in 2 days?

[Awaanbileyirheid]

Ds came home from school today crying as his best friend is moving schools on Monday. (They're 11).
Thing is, his dad has not consented to move and has joint custody.
BF lives 50/50 with mum in one town and dad in our town. They're from here, been at school here from nursery.
BF mum moved 20 mins away last year with new boyfriend. Just after his dad was awarded joint custody. Dad hasnt got a car so they've shared kid since but remained at school.
I get on with both parents but his dad makes more effort with kid as he sees at that age, kids want to do stuff with friends.
Mum thinks he's autistic (he's not diagnosed) and rarely allows play dates.
Today DS and BF crying as mum moving schools to her new town. All secret tho, he mustnt tell his dad.
Do I tell the dad? The poor kid is in pieces as is my DS.
Or is it none of my business? Keep gob shut and comfort kids?

This.

Fail to see the huge issue? Apart from it is going to make contact with Dad, who has joint 50/50 custody, rather difficult as dad doesn't drive and there is no public transport according to op

Well as per many Mumsnet threads. He should learn to drive.

I did also comment after the op posted about the lawyers and shit that is still keep my nose out though.

This is literally none of OP’s business!!! She knows absolutely nothing about the circumstances .

OP unless you have reason to think the child is coming to some sort of abuse/ harm- in which case report through the appropriate authorities- you should stay right the hell out of it. The parents will work it out between them.

Mind your own business. You only know what you think you know.

I’d have to say something, definitely play the daft lass card!

Poor dad in this situation, it’s going to make his time with his DD so much more difficult, through no fault of his own.

I would have to ask if it was legal. It certainly doesn't seem to take the child's wishes into account, which I thought custody arrangements have to do. So yeah - silly wee lassie all the way. No evidence is offered here that the dad is a creep, so it appears mum is pulling a fast one. He should speak to the school(s), so he needs to know.

I'd play the daft card, the mum is stupid though if it's already been decided through court about schools. Some people don't think court orders apply to them though and just do what they want. It's really unfair that she is telling the poor boy to lie to his dad as well I'd be concerned about that

Absolutely tell him as fast as you can. I've been on the other side of this with my partner. It's a dirty trick she's playing, to do something against court with the confidence there will be no comeback for her. Dad deserves better

I would definitely tell him!

I'd be telling him.

he isn’t moving schools to one near his house though is he?
he lives 50/50 with both parents

Parents have 50/50 so he’s moving school to one which is less local for him 50% of the time, that dad presumably can’t get him to, thus undermining the custody agreement, and you don’t see the issue? Dad should absolutely go to court as mum clearly has no respect for his PR.

As for what OP should do… I’d do the daft act too.

Daft lassie approach is ideal here.

Of course you should tell the dad.

Yes, I would go this too - make it sound as though I assume he knows.

I would absolutely tell dad. And fast.

I watched a friend of my dds go through this. Dad didn't tell the kid she was moving schools - just took her to the new one on the Monday. Mum wasn't told. Went to pick up the kid from school (aged 9) and was told she'd not turned up and they'd been told she'd moved. Resulted in a12 month custody case with parent alienation and all sorts. Kid massively affected by all the trauma. Wouldn't leave mum to attend school or anything for 6 months after courts returned her. (Dad wouldn't allow her to see mum, courts made it supervised only on his demand - he didn't bring her most of the time).

No way should an 11yr old be expected to keep all that a secret. That's horrific.

Tell dad. @Awaanbileyirheid

I'd want someone to tell me. So on that basis, I'd also "naively" mention it to dad. Those kind of decisions should be joint.

If he's 50/50 with each parent, dad is going to know pretty soon. I wonder whether the "keep it secret" is in the hope that once he's started at the new school, it will be too late to reverse the decision. I might be inclined to give the current school the heads-up that dad doesn't know - they might drag their feet on giving the place to anyone else in case he does want to take it through the courts.

I'd say how sad you and your DS are that BF is leaving the school and you hope that you can arrange some play dates.

110% tell the dad. With PR he should have had to sign any school application. He can spend tomorrow morning calling all local schools to his Ex asking if DS has been signed up and informing them he does not give permission and to remove from the roll, and confirming with current school he’ll be staying.

This is cowardly and unacceptable parenting from the mother and should be condoned in the strongest possible terms.

💯 tell him

100% if the sexes we’re reversed and it was a dad planning on moving the child in secret, against the mothers wishes and the court order, there’d be people on here telling the op to report him for abduction! Of course he should be told, it’s his bloody son! If whatever her plans are were reasonable, it wouldn’t be a secret and the op wouldn’t have 2 distraught children over it! Imagine telling your child don’t tell your dad we’re moving away ffs

This. I was just typing something similar myself

This.