Do I tell DS's sons dad that his mum is moving schools in 2 days?

[Awaanbileyirheid]

Ds came home from school today crying as his best friend is moving schools on Monday. (They're 11).
Thing is, his dad has not consented to move and has joint custody.
BF lives 50/50 with mum in one town and dad in our town. They're from here, been at school here from nursery.
BF mum moved 20 mins away last year with new boyfriend. Just after his dad was awarded joint custody. Dad hasnt got a car so they've shared kid since but remained at school.
I get on with both parents but his dad makes more effort with kid as he sees at that age, kids want to do stuff with friends.
Mum thinks he's autistic (he's not diagnosed) and rarely allows play dates.
Today DS and BF crying as mum moving schools to her new town. All secret tho, he mustnt tell his dad.
Do I tell the dad? The poor kid is in pieces as is my DS.
Or is it none of my business? Keep gob shut and comfort kids?

But how is he ment to then collect said child when the new school is a 30 min drive away when he cannot drive and there isn't the public transport to allow him to get there?

It just seems like an attempt of parental alienation to me but making it very difficult for him to be able to actually pick up the children from school.

I don't know but I said in other posts that we don't seem to know the full story.

OP said he got a solicitor last year to stop her doing the same, and she thought that the child was supposed to stay in primary and secondary in the same area.

And I questioned that because would a judge really restrict a childs educational choices so much for the sake of a 20 minute journey?

The fact she's moving now is making me think maybe the OP had it wrong and the order was put in place to prevent her moving for a year to allow the dad time to learn how to drive? or to arrange transport?

If he's just choosing not to learn how to drive instead of being medically unable to then is it really parental alienation if she moved?

Sometimes the local secondary isn't the best choice. I have one within a couple of minutes walk from me but I drive my kids to a school 30 minutes away.

Keep well out of it.

Why should the Dad not know, he has joint custody. I would play the innocent and casually mention the proposed move.

I’ve got this at the moment with my grandchildren. It’s illegal to take them out of school without both consenting.

@kkloo perhaps he can't afford to learn how to drive...

What then?

A lot of the people saying that MYOB should mentally swap the genders and see if they would let the mum (who does more with the kid) know.

The mother might be nice but she is very mean asking an 11 yr old to keep such a big secret, especially when he’s so upset about the move. I would play dumb and mention it!

If he couldn't afford to drive though then let's say he was given a year to try or to sort out other arrangements then wouldn't that be fair enough or should a childs schooling be expected to be severely restricted to the point where they can't even go to a school 30 minutes away because of that parent being unable to afford to drive?

This is all hypothetical of course

Or maybe the decision was made about Secondary schools based on the fact they would have been applying for Secondary schools last year, in October? And taken the boys wishes into consideration?

I would contact the school and express your concerns about the DF not being aware and having joint custody.

@kkloo if you care to read the OPs posts then you'll know why that's not possible? Not many of them so won't take you long.

Why shouldn't the child stay at the school that's better fit the DF?

Of course it would!

@kkloo

The child's upset
The DF had already had to go back to court once, now he'll no doubt have to go again! Wasting money that could be used for other things, like driving lessons or holidays
The DM moved away with her new partner, she changed area
The DM has underhandedly moved the schools
The DM had instructed her child to lie by omission

And your answer is that the only problem is the DF not driving......

I wonder if this was the other way round that you'd be saying well the DM needs to learn to drive....

I doubt it.

Yep, me too.

I'm going against the grain and would tell him tbh. Supposing she's not really moving 20 minutes away but to another country? Or was about to disappear entirely?
You KNOW them both well enough to know he's meant to be staying in the same school etc so I don't think you can or should keep quiet.

How is this any of your business! Keep out of it!!!!

Went for daft lassie approach. Turns out friends DH whose kid goes to school with ours had already mentioned it first as kids had been upset and talking about it.
Its being dealt with, I didnt ask for details.

Well done OP

Well done OP. So glad the dad knows.

Awaanbileyirheid · Today 19:42

Went for daft lassie approach. Turns out friends DH whose kid goes to school with ours had already mentioned it first as kids had been upset and talking about it.
Its being dealt with, I didnt ask for details.

Good for you. You 100% did the right thing. I think you would have it on your conscience if you hadn't.

I really don't understand the mindset of all of those posters who told you to stay out of it. I couldn't have either.

DON'T GET INVOLVED. It's none of your business and I don't know of a single school that doesn't communicate with both Mum and Dad. And if child does not move away or comes back - by inserting yourself inappropriately into someone else's family, you've pretty much screwed up your child's friendship permanently.

Me too. It’s not your secret to keep and their son should never have been placed in that position between his parents.

Any wonder some kids are screwed up by their parents.

Excellent.

Glad it’s being sorted. Thanks for the update op