Do I tell DS's sons dad that his mum is moving schools in 2 days?

[Awaanbileyirheid]

Ds came home from school today crying as his best friend is moving schools on Monday. (They're 11).
Thing is, his dad has not consented to move and has joint custody.
BF lives 50/50 with mum in one town and dad in our town. They're from here, been at school here from nursery.
BF mum moved 20 mins away last year with new boyfriend. Just after his dad was awarded joint custody. Dad hasnt got a car so they've shared kid since but remained at school.
I get on with both parents but his dad makes more effort with kid as he sees at that age, kids want to do stuff with friends.
Mum thinks he's autistic (he's not diagnosed) and rarely allows play dates.
Today DS and BF crying as mum moving schools to her new town. All secret tho, he mustnt tell his dad.
Do I tell the dad? The poor kid is in pieces as is my DS.
Or is it none of my business? Keep gob shut and comfort kids?

I would 100% tell the dad and ask him not to say which school friend told you. Really not on to ask a child to lie to their parent, that is really damaging.

Sounds like it is only more local to one of the houses he lives in though. It’s a pretty big issue if he lives 50% of the time with the dad and the dad is unaware and has no way of getting him to the school.

Yes I'd do this. Give him chance to object via a prohibited steps order or emergency court hearing.

My ex best friend did something similar to her kids. It's ruined their mental health and she still can't see it.

"Thing is, his dad has not consented to move and has joint custody."

the father has joint custody, and the mother is trying to circumvent that. True bloody right I'd be talking to the father about this!

Of course I’d want to know but there’s nothing the dad can do about it and OP is getting herself involved in business that’s not hers (and something that she doesn’t know is even a fact).

They already live 20mins away and it may have always been the plan to send him to the local secondary school.

It makes sense moving him in year 6, so he can make friends before starting.

As the mum is the one that moved, then she needs to be the one who brings the child to see the dad but that’s not for OP to get involved with either.

If the roles were reversed people would NOT be advising everything but MYOB.

id personally advise the Dad the mother is clearly not thinking about her son and the father’s relationship.

Why can’t he stop him. If both parents have parental responsibility then one can’t make a decision to move schools without even informing the other

This. If she shouldn't do anything cos kids are unreliable then the telling Dad might not be a secret anyway...

Well he could try but I can’t see a court siding with him.

It makes sense that a child attends their local primary and secondary school.

Of course he should be informed but I don’t think that’s for OP to do.

The current primary school will be aware of the transfer and if dad has 50/50 access then he’ll also have all of the communication that mum does and so chances are he’s already aware.

Id say yes @Awaanbileyirheid

But it sound like the current school is the local school for the dads house where the child lives 50% of the time.

Excatly

Honestly, I would let the Dad know. The child's Mum clearly knows that she's doing something she's not supposed to do, which is why she's telling her son to keep it a secret. (Which also isn't fair to him either, a child shouldn't be put in that situation)

Me too. It's too totally unfair for the kids Mum to expect him to keep this huge secret from his Dad.

Poor kid, Mum is moving kid to a school where Dad who has 50/50 won't be able to get him to school due to not driving and no public transport. She doesn't sound as nice as you think she is OP. This will end the 50/50 for him if she gets away with it.

If you dont want to speak to parents try the school - drop in Father hasn't consented and has FULL PR and 50/50 care.

This is awful, clearly the Dad is very much involved and imagine it was the other way round - there would be uproar! I would mention it to the Dad

It would be interesting to see if you had the same replies if it was the dad moving himself and the child away from the mum in a 50:50 arrangement.

I would say something to the dad, but more along the lines of 'ds just told me, he's so upset and will miss him a lot, would be lovely if we could keep the boys in touch' or something similar.

Yep, and mum isn’t nice at least to her ex

Yes, tell him via the excellent "daft lassie" method suggested up thread.

It's nothing to do with you

As others have said upthread, I think I'd flag it with the school, rather than talk to either parent, in case there's a safeguarding issue on one side or the other.

If they has be 50/50 custody and she's moving him without his fathers consent then she's the one in the wrong. The status quote should be maintained unless they both agree to but he change or a court orders it. Tell the Dad. He has time to stop it happening then. He can get an emergency order to prevent her enrolling him in another school without his permission.

I don’t think that’s fully true. The living arrangements and schooling decisions about the boy are nothing to do with her but it does impact on the wellbeing of her own son. OP needs to manage this and knowing the facts of whether or not the boy is moving schools will help her to do so. I don’t think it’s beyond her business to reach out to confirm if he’s moving/ arrange a goodbye play date: discuss keeping in touch etc.