Do I tell DS's sons dad that his mum is moving schools in 2 days?

[Awaanbileyirheid]

Ds came home from school today crying as his best friend is moving schools on Monday. (They're 11).
Thing is, his dad has not consented to move and has joint custody.
BF lives 50/50 with mum in one town and dad in our town. They're from here, been at school here from nursery.
BF mum moved 20 mins away last year with new boyfriend. Just after his dad was awarded joint custody. Dad hasnt got a car so they've shared kid since but remained at school.
I get on with both parents but his dad makes more effort with kid as he sees at that age, kids want to do stuff with friends.
Mum thinks he's autistic (he's not diagnosed) and rarely allows play dates.
Today DS and BF crying as mum moving schools to her new town. All secret tho, he mustnt tell his dad.
Do I tell the dad? The poor kid is in pieces as is my DS.
Or is it none of my business? Keep gob shut and comfort kids?

I’d mention it , in a can I check I’ve got your number so they can keep in touch after little x leaves type of way .

Surely the dad will notice anyway that the boys are upset when he comes to pick his son up?

I think I'd have to tell him. It's a horrible stunt to pull.

Don't get involved!

No. I thought one school dad was really involved and better with the kids etc to, but it turned out that he was abusive to the mum behind the scenes and that’s why she came across as distant etc. School will tell him if it’s an issue

My friend and her husband have full custody of his kids. Their mum has them every other weekend, all done through SS who removed them from her care. Cheeky cow managed to enroll them at a school closer to her thinking it would mean she'd get custody again. Just made her look mad. I'd play dumb and ask the dad. He could then contact the school and see what's going on.

It's absolutely none of your business so stay out of it. Comfort your son and tell him you will do your best to make sure he can still see his friend as much as possible.

Forgetting the dad for a minute, that's awful for the child! 11 presumably last year of primary? So just before exams and no real chance to make proper friends until secondary. Its a really difficult age to move school. Why can't the mum just suck it up for a few months for the sake of her child?

Yes!

OP tell school not dad. School may know more about the dynamic/safeguarding etc and they can decide whether to say something to dad or not. If you speak to dad about it, you could be a saviour here or throwing a bomb in the relationship- you are taking a potentially harmful risk by telling dad- you have to stay out of it

Any parent who asks their little kid to lie to the other parent is disgraceful.

100% tell the dad

Tell the dad!!

Maybe flag it as a safeguarding issue with school op?

I don't understand how the dad could have a child 50% of the time and not ever take the child to school or pick him up? Surely he will find out imminently if he doesn't already know, assuming that the 11-year-old is correct in saying the dad doesn't know.

"Damn I messed up title! It should be DS,'s best friends dad!"

I clicked on post as got confused trying to work out who was what, lol😬

100% agree, I would do it this way too.

I’m guessing mum doesn’t want dad to know until it’s too late because once the kid is settled in the new school it gives her an opening to argue for a change in the custody schedule. Can’t really keep 50/50 if dad can’t get him to school on his days!

Although I agree that you only have one side of the story, and that from an upset 11 year old, if the child is being told to keep the move secret from his father that could be because the
mother knows perfectly well that she is on shaky ground or it could be because there are actually good reasons why the father should not know. On balance I wonder whether a quiet word with the school or the teacher might be the way to go. They will either reassure you discreetly that the move is above board or realise that something is wrong,

You should definitely make the school aware of what the lad has told you. They may have information you don't, and they are best places to judge whether there is an issue that needs dealing with here. Ask to speak to the safeguarding leadz or check on the website whether they have an online aystem of reporting safeguarding issues.

There may be no issue here - but please - I am 100% sure I am right here (which is rare for me) - please tell the school and don't do anything else with the info.

Maybe speak to mum first? Explain her ds was upset but that you wanted to clarify the situation to help your ds.

I would tell him.

Say nothing. Just comfort DS and remind him they'll still see each other as much as possible. 20 mins isn't that far away.

The child is being asked to keep secrets which is a huge concern.

It sounds like the mum wants to alienate the father and get full custody. I would tell him too.

As always, first post nails it.

Normally I would say don’t get involved. However he is being asked to lie to his dad and is upset so I would mention it.

All the posters advising MYOB - would this still be your advice if it was the dad moving schools in secret and not telling the mum? He’s being asked to lie to his dad and when he’s with him, he’ll be scared to talk about anything to do with school for fear of giving the game away. And what of the dad’s involvement with his son’s education ? Parents evenings and other school based events ? It’s bound to come out eventually, as is the fact that OP knew what was happening via her son - and that both were upset.