To ask a parent to drop out of a trip?

[RadicalRadishes]

My DD’s class goes on school trips quite frequently and it’s pretty much the same ~4 parents every time. I’m usually not available, but the one time I was it was full by the time I messaged the office to volunteer.

I just found out there is a school trip on DD’s birthday. DH checked he could rearrange his schedule to attend but now is being told all the parent slots are full.

Would it be reasonable in the class WhatsApp group to ask if one of the regular attendees would be willing to give up their spot for him?

I volunteered a lot when my boys were young. For about 5 years I was at the school at least twice a week. Parents didn’t want to help with the day to day stuff like helping with reading or maths, or running the book club, or the school play rehearsals. I got asked a lot. As soon as a fun thing came up suddenly there were loads of volunteers, people you rarely ever saw.

Get your husband to contact the teacher himself, explain it's DD's birthday on the day of the trip and that he's been able to arrange to have the day off. Say he'd love to come and help out on the trip that day, even if DD isn't in his group but also acknowledge that regular helpers are all in place as he'd not realised how quickly parent helpers volunteered at this school. He could offer his services as an extra helper if appropriate or ask if the teacher thinks any of the regulars would take pity on him and swap...

I'm a primary teacher and when at schools that made use of parent helpers, I would ask parents to let me know if they were able to help and would then work out who I needed for that particular trip. I didn't do first come, first served and nor did I do names out of a hat. I tried to use a range of parents across the year. Sometimes the parent had their own child in the group, sometimes they didn't. It depended on the dynamics of the groups and the nature of the trip.

When my DC were in primary school, I had one day off per week so would volunteer to help on any trip that fell on that day. I used to teach at the school they attended so was often used by my ex-colleagues as an extra adult on trips and given the same 'perks' as the other teachers e.g. larger group, more lively children etc.

Your continued faux confusion is cringeworthy.

Depends on the school. Ours don't.

Me neither and I’ve been on many private and state school trips as well as a fair few scout trips.

Unfortunately parent helpers can’t always be trusted!

A parent helper on a Y4 trip to a nearby city vanished after arrival leaving the staff and volunteers out of ratio and having to get someone to drive out to meet them so the trip could continue. When asked later she said it all seemed to be under control so she thought she’d go shopping! Needless to say but she won’t be allowed to volunteer again.

Edited to add the parent on a YR trip to the zoo who dumped her group with the teachers to go and eat at the cafe instead of bringing a packed lunch and eating with the children in the picnic area.

I did lots of volunteering before I worked in the school, was only with one of my children on one trip due to personal care needs otherwise I was always placed with other groups. Trips are hard work, often fun and quite rewarding - not really an opportunity to spend quality time with your own child though.

I think you don't understand about work. I can't schedule bits of time out of work twice a week for reading, because I can't control what days there will be important meetings. I can arrange an afternoon off sometimes for a trip. Scheduling is not easy for l people who have responsibilities outside the home.

OP what a strange reaction to the suggestions here! That you'll never volunteer again, and that it's all political.

Volunteer when you can.

Don't make a big deal about DH going but no harm to ask if anyone would like to swap.

Yes, but why then is it that people can rearrange things for a school trip but not for other things is the point that poster was making. I'm sure you knew that

I'm guessing that it won't be "first come first served" if the same few go every time it's probably because the staff in school know that they're reliable and will genuinely get stuck in with helping with the kids including doing the boring bits like the toilet run and clearing up after lunch.

The fact that your dh was asking for a swap because it's dd's birthday would fill me with fear (from a teacher perspective) because I'd imagine losing a reliable helper and gaining somebody who's going to swan around having "quality 1-1 time" rather than helping properly.

I'm not sure how you'd make it onto the genuinely helpful list for the future? Maybe start volunteering at in-school events and show you're a good worker.

School trips can be hard work and a lot of responsibility for those in charge so you can't blame them really for wanting reliable people.

And also, how incredibly patronising to say "you don't understand work". Most people on here work. You don't need to come every week for reading and could go on a day without an important meeting. No-one is saying you have to do that though - but getting shitty with someone because they couldn't possibly understand your terribly important job and meetings is rude as hell

I always had to go to school trips with my son in mainstream as he has Sen. I hated it!!! I was basically one half of his 2:1 and he would refuse to engage with anyone else, due to attachment to me! I found it stressful but it meant he could actually go. Now he is in specialist school I am not expected to go (or even allowed to!) and I know he is enjoying activities without me being there. Plus I get a day off!

There might be reasons why the school choose these particular parents.
As has been stated schools are well aware of the parents who help out with all the less glamorous stuff and those who appear only for the good trips.
I used to run the PTA.
The same volunteers showed up.
Even when parents were at an event many would refuse point blank to help so much as sell a raffle ticket, or put chairs out.
Then we organised a treat for the children and suddenly lots of parents were available and asked if they could go along. No, the regulars were chosen. Those few parents who did the boring stuff and had actually offered to sell a few raffle tickets whilst the others just enjoyed the events.
I certainly wouldn’t be speaking for your dh if you do ask. He should be capable of speaking for himself.
Maybe he could tell school he is available if anyone else drops out.

That's extremely rude. Working mums were the backbone of reading helpers in our school. A SAHM with no toddlers at home is pretty unusual round here.

I think you don't understand about work. I can't schedule bits of time out of work twice a week for reading, because I can't control what days there will be important meetings. I can arrange an afternoon off sometimes for a trip. Scheduling is not easy for l people who have responsibilities outside the home

What a rude, patronising and self-important post. If you can schedule an afternoon off for a trip, then you can do the same for reading if you choose to. You just don’t want to. You sound like the school governor we had who couldn’t possibly attend governor meetings because he was a “professional” don’t you know? Insinuating he had a job far more important than anyone else (he didn’t).

Wow you sound like a regular fun sponge. You're one of the reasons some neurodiverse (and probably some neurotypical) don't want to go to school. Learning doesn't have to be boring and if a school trip can made to be as fun as a "jolly" then it should be. Stopping a kid from being with their parents on their birthday when it's a possibility just because you want to sounds like great morals. That said, it is admirable that you prioritise the disabled children. I get It if it was a case of the children wouldn't be supervised properly, but if it was just a case of this person has only volunteered because it's their kids birthday, but they are capable then surely compassion can be shown.

OP all you can do is ask and check with the school. No harm in that at all.

Probably redundant now but it’s also the case at our school that no parent helper is ever placed with their own child.

What a load of nonsense. I assume you’ve never organised a trip for a large group of children? You do need reliable, helpful parents on board, who you can trust not to prioritise their child. The fact that this parent has volunteered for the first time on his child’s birthday would ring alarm bells for me.

The trip can still be a “jolly” for the kids, but this shouldn’t be the sole reason that adults volunteer. And how in the world does a teacher making sure that a trip is properly supervised by picking suitable adult supervision stop kids wanting to go to school? Surely it would be exactly the opposite!

Oh my goodness. You’re so right. Thank you for enlightening me. I will hang my head in shame and write my resignation letter immediately.

I don’t understand the final paragraph here.

Based on the answers here, I’d have thought you’d say “my dh has said he’ll volunteer more” or “I’ll try to help with low energy stuff such as hearing kids reading”

Not “we can’t get on the trip that her birthday so won’t be offering for anything that’s needed”

I think it’s completely unreasonable to ask someone to do that. You could ask to be added to a reserve list in case someone can’t make it. At our school, any volunteers have had to attend a 30-45 minute safeguarding briefing by the DSL and all have dbs checks. These run termly and are refreshed for volunteers in a yearly basis. We cannot use any volunteers that have not done this so it does require some forward planning from both parents and school if parents think they might like to help at some point.

🤣 well you know what assume did.
yes I have absolutely organised a large trip and I go on every school trip with my own. A person who can't usually get on one, but makes a special effort on their kids birthday doesn't automatically make them incompetent.
Admittedly I replied a little quick because it's ridiculous to suggest thats the case.
I understand that some parents aren't going to be as great as others but there are plenty of adults to make sure the kids are supervised and again there's nothing to suggest this person, a loving parent wanting more time on their child's birthday with them, is anything other than a genuine competent person.
And no, neurodiverse often enjoy things that aren't boring. The way that the word jolly has been thrown about on this thread as if it can't be classed as so because it's a school trip is ludicrous.

Well, never before have I seen so much clamouring to assist at school! Certainly never replicated in real life.

School absolutely need to have the final say in who helps on trips. We used to allow any parent to come on the Reception ‘walking round town’ trip but after I had to ask a grandmother to stop taking and posting selfies whilst walking along with her grandson walking in the road we had to become more selective!

Our school will try and use parents across the year but you need to be DBS checked - and it has to be via the school can't use one done by another employer.

It's the same for the PTA (I am on the committee and spend my life begging poeple to volunteer alongside my full time job).

Our school grabs the first x that volunteers as frankly it's a nightmare trying to get volunteers and good to know it's someone who won't drop out and if they have done it before knows the kids. They aren't going to wait around to see who else is before confimring with those who have volunteered and need to get the dates in diaries wait too long we often aren't sitting around doing nothing.

It's not political to use the same volunteers- they will be the ones that volunteer time and time again because they can.

Going on trips with the kids is not desperately fun dealing with vomiting, whingy, or overexcited kids on coaches , keeping up with straggling walkers.
You aren't inclined to volunteer , though it sounds like you havent before - please please please say a massive thank you to those who do who enable your child to go on "lots of trips" instead of feeling they have been favourited in some way.