To ask a parent to drop out of a trip?

[RadicalRadishes]

My DD’s class goes on school trips quite frequently and it’s pretty much the same ~4 parents every time. I’m usually not available, but the one time I was it was full by the time I messaged the office to volunteer.

I just found out there is a school trip on DD’s birthday. DH checked he could rearrange his schedule to attend but now is being told all the parent slots are full.

Would it be reasonable in the class WhatsApp group to ask if one of the regular attendees would be willing to give up their spot for him?

yes I have absolutely organised a large trip and I go on every school trip with my own.

Then I don't understand your some of your comments, because you surely understand the importance of reliable, trusted adult help.

A person who can't usually get on one, but makes a special effort on their kids birthday doesn't automatically make them incompetent

Of course it automatically doesn't, but it would make me a bit suspicious that their motivation to come on the trip is to spend time with their child on the child's birthday, rather than to help, which would worry me. So if I was organising, I'd be more inclined to stick with the adults I know, rather than swapping out for one I didn't. Nothing to say that the dad can't volunteer again at another time.

I disagree. I was always far more twitchy about other people's children.

That's good. But believe me, not everyone is like you.

Oh do give it a rest! School is for children, not parents. What's best for all the children trumps what individual parents want, every time.

Thankfully??? I expect the teacher made sure you were on it!

I don't think my school insists on being DSB checked but when I went I went as a 1to1 for my autistic child so maybe it was just me.

It's first come, first served. If I've gone away thinking about it, it gets filled by the next day! I don't think asking a volunteer to drop out, is the right thing to do.

To anybody on this thread contemplating ever doing this…please do not. I am a teacher and this would not in any way be helpful. Let us plan and arrange a lovely school trip for your children (which are very difficult anyway) without the completely unnecessary stress of dealing with parents complaining they can’t come.
Dont be THAT parent-reputations linger forever 😂

They're not complaining though.
Politely asking if anyone is willing to give up their space so the DH can go instead isn't complaining.
Suggesting an alternative way of picking helpers so it's more varied is not complaining.

I would politely ask but not expect anyone to pull out. Some parents are always first but then without these parents are DC couldn’t go on trips as a lot of parent work now.
I am a primary school teacher and we have a group who do not work and always help so yes are the first to ask. Not because we are excluding but we rely on them and appreciate them. I wouldn’t ask the teacher as To be honest she probably has enough in with 30 children in her class. Put a polite request out and see what happens

Politely asking if anyone is willing to give up their space so the DH can go instead isn't complaining

As long as the DH is polite, and he words it carefully, then I guess it's ok, as long as he understands that the answer may be no.

Suggesting an alternative way of picking helpers so it's more varied is not complaining.

As a cub leader, if someone asked me to change the way I picked helpers, I would definitely take this as a complaint - no matter how polite they were! Not really anyone else's business how I pick helpers - although usually we take any help that's offered, as we get very few volunteers. Except of course, when we go on a big trip to a fun place, when we are inundated with volunteers! You can bet your bottom dollar I'm prioritising the parents that have been helpful at less exciting activities, and if anyone take issue with this, that's tough.

If your school is like any of the ones I have ever worked for then there are things you can volunteer for that they will be very grateful about which don’t involve you finding time in your work busy schedule.

For example

Setting up and ( more important) clearing up afterwards for school fairs

mending , washing ,ironing and labelling nativity and school play costumes

Yes the OG is asking a polite request but the poster I quoted was being ridiculous

Has he got a DBS check?

As a teacher I would just say that parents are there to help me to have more eyes on all the children, not just yours so you may find your child isn’t with dad and ultimately dad is there for all the children

Parent helpers on trips don't need DBS checks....unless our school is wrong cos it's never been mentioned on any request for helpers.

Most schools' policies on adults having direct contact with children require it.

In my school if there are more volunteers than spots they draw a name at random.

there are parents that only can volunteer sometimes and they have the same right as everyone else.

It’s our policy to and seen as best practice

Ex teacher here. Organising trips is a major PIA these days and a 15 page risk assessment has probably already been produced with every helpers phone numbers, groupings etc etc. So go through the school as they may not be happy about you organising it via WhatsApp.

No offence intended, but I’m surprised you’re asking for advice. I’d think it was obvious: ask.

just ask, youve nothing to lose, maybe theyll realise theyre hogging it, was the same in our nursery, the teachers picked the sucky up mums

Of course, you can always ask.

Theres no way it will be first come first serve, teachers arent daft. They'll know the parents who will actually be a help and know the ones who wont.

They might say its first come first serve or names out a hat but it most definitely wont be.

I’m a primary school teacher and agree this is not appropriate. The school has volunteers and may also have many others who have volunteered but been told all volunteer spaces were full, definitely not appropriate to ‘swap’ between you. It’s sweet your husband wanted to be with your daughter on her birthday but obviously it’s a school day so not usual. I would just focus on the fact it’s lovely she has a trip out on her birthday.

You may be best asking the teacher first if it would be possible to have one of the volunteer positions if you were able to get someone to drop out. It may not be possible if they have already completed their safeguarding checks.

At my children's school, parent helpers have to have a DBS check so it could be extra paper work that they may not want or afford, if they have to pay for them.

Just to add, parent helpers at my children's school are always put in their own child's group with a few others.