Does this sound financially fair?

[runningaway90]

Longwinded but hoping someone will read.. Just looking for advice as feeling a lot of financial stress at the moment and not sure how to handle the situation. Myself and DP bought an older house a few years ago and it ended up needing significantly more work than expected. DP has a large deposit partly from family gift and sale of previous home (his home and I paid 50% of mortgage for half the time he lived there). I had much lower deposit (about 20% of his) so was wiped out buying this house as contributed all of my savings/equity. I mentioned adjusting ownership % at the time to allow me to keep £5/10k back but he was not happy with this as he was already putting down much larger deposit.

When we moved in, we spent about £45k on various repairs within 6 months (boiler, kitchen, doors). I’ve been trying to save as much as possible to pay off everything we have done so far but still have around £5k to pay off my share on CC etc. He is constantly making digs that I need to save more anytime I rarely go out with a friend etc but I’m trying to save between £500-700 a month.

On top of this, I pay 2/3 mortgage payments to balance out his deposit which is further restricting my ability to save. There are still repairs urgently needing done ie. roof needs replaced. He is getting a lump sum inheritance and will upfront the roof but expects me to pay him back as soon as I can (before the above mentioned debt).

I feel like I am drowning in a never ending cycle of repairs on this house. I really want things to be fair but I feel like I can’t keep up and every month there is another thing he comes to me with that must get done. On top of it, he was the big driver to move here, I was much happier in previous new build we had bought but agreed to move as he was so unhappy there. I’d honestly rather downsize to take the pressure off and have my life back but there is no way he would move again and certainly not somewhere with lots of neighbours.

Am I being unreasonable to feel his expectations here are unfair? What can I do in this situation? I know I am an adult and got myself into this situation but struggling to figure out what to do and the pressure is making me so stressed.

So pleased to hear this. Crossing fingers for a smooth and favourable conclusion.

Ah that is so lovely to hear. Once finances are sorted there will be no stopping you. Can you block him to prevent any fitter messages - particularly if it is in the hands of a legal team.
sounds like you are thriving - well done x

Onwards and upwards. Make sure you keep up therapy do all possible courses so you aren’t vulnerable to another abuser in the future.

Almost ridiculous for me to come back here again 😂 but a lot has happened and still ongoing. There's been very little traction from him, we now got to a point where the likelihood of me even getting near half of what I put in is almost impossible. So I'm just really ready for it all to be done and my family have said they'll help me buy somewhere within reason as I'll likely walk away with very little.

Hope this isn't a deterrent for anyone, just want to share reality. It's like the thing that stopped me leaving was finances - but it is still so worth leaving regardless how that ends.

Been going through a very hard time unrelated to this but I still don't regret it. 💕

What a shame, he has turned out to be a right bastard ! and I rarely use that word !!!
All this talk about buying you out etc / increasing the mortgage

What ever did happen re the roof ?

you may have said in a previous update ? but that bloody roof is one thing that stuck in my mind

and of course ddog.

He's never let me see the dog and he's tried to claim the roof expenses as a necessity

No surprise to either bit of your reply :(

Not surprising at all that he's wanting to keep your money, he's a very selfish and grabby person in all aspects. It's devastating to feel you won't walk away with what's fair, but at least you have walked away, a worse outcome would have been spending your entire life overpaying for that house. Sorry to hear about the dog, but again my first thought is thank god you didn't stay and have children with this man.
I hope it all gets settled soon and with the help of your family you can buy a place thats just yours.