To be upset with partner over this?

[upsetandangrywithhim]

Partner is adamant he doesn't want another baby (for context we have a 2 year old). I'd love another. We are on different pages about this.

However, I am not on any form of contraception because hormonal contraceptives cause awful side effects for me and I've never found one that suited. So after the birth of our child I wanted a break from the pill, and partner was on board with this saying we'd use condoms. However, over the past 12 months alone he has had unprotected sex with me on 18 occasions (the rest being with a condom). I know this because I use an app to track my periods and you can record sex and whether protected or not (presumably to track and date any pregnancies). So he is obviously really lax about this, despite saying he's adamant it's a no.

I've raised the conversation again this past week about his thoughts on another baby, and he says the same "absolutely not". I point out to him the contradiction in his actions and his words. His defence is "I always ask you what point you're at in your cycle so I make sure the timing makes it unlikely" and "I pull out sometimes so it's fine". I asked him if he understood that he's giving me mixed messages by saying one thing and doing another? He said "I have no explanation for that other than I prefer sex without a condom because it feels better". I said OK but you surely then accept the risk that comes with? He just shrugged, repeating he was reassured by the point I was at in my cycle.

OK, he may have a point, in that we've had unprotected sex at "safer" points in my cycle 18 times over the past 12 months and I'm not pregnant. But, there is some risk still, and if he's so adamant he's against having another baby, why would he take that risk even if it was a tiny one?? He can't answer this.

He then deflected onto me and said "you're happy to take that risk too". Well yes, because I'm not horrified at the thought of another baby or massively opposed to it, as you say you are? If I were, I'd not be letting you anywhere near me without a condom.

My head is a mess, and I feel he's confused and upset me a lot with this.

AIBU?

You can disagree with someone without being a complete arse about it. Fair enough you think the op is wrong (though it is still not her responsibility to stop a pregnancy her partner doesn’t want, a concern for a potential child is not invalid). But you’ve completely crossed the line of badgering the op on this thread and now being rude and quite frankly aggressive in your replies. The time to step away was when you were clearly getting incredibly aggravated by a child who doesn’t exist and is very unlikely to considering the circumstances.

To be clear, I'm not invested in you. You are a faceless internet stranger.

Yup, a faceless internet stranger on who's thread you seem to go on.... and on..... and on.... and on......

Nope I see your point, you're not remotely invested are you? 😂

@SpeedyDrama
Thank you! Thought it was just me for a second there, but Jesus. No need at all for those replies was there.

But she is complicit and will no doubt feign shock and surprise when she falls pregnant.

To be fair, tbis is such an odd comment.

Why would the OP ‘feign shock and surprise’ when they have both been knowingly and willingly having unprotected sex……?

@SlumberDearMaid
Exactly. Such a bizarre statement because we are both adults having unprotected sex, so for whom would I be "feigning shock and surprise"??

OP is not his fucking mother, fgs. He's a grown adult. He can make his own choices about what to do with his own penis, and work out what the consequences might be
Absolutely. I have the often unpopular opinion that the man ALWAYS has the final say about pregnancy. If they do not use protection, they can't complain

Jesus, why is the bar for men always so damn low?
But it is not always about the bar being low. It's more about how someone would actually choose this FOR their child. That THIS man is what the child deserves as a parent with a lifelong connection for both mother and child. We can't throw that line out but not ask about women who choose for their child to have a father that did not want them. Yes, he may not prevent it and he cannot moan about it later, but that doesn't change FOR THE CHILD that they were not wanted and had a twat chosen FOR them because someone was actually NOT thinking about the child 🤷‍♀️

I don't think there is any 'mixed' messages.
He's honestly told you that he doesn't want another child. Again, it's also true that condoms feel rubbish.
Just because you've told him the risk (of getting pregnant) is there, doesn't mean he wants to alter his behaviour.
You're over thinking this, pretty sure he isn't.

Well, clearly there very much were mixed messages on his part, since it’s emerged he’s not as against another child as he originally thought - demonstrated by the fact that he wasn’t that bothered about using contraception. 🤷🏻‍♀️