Hmmm.
My experience could be described as that. And one read is it worked out. But another read I feel is closer to the truth is I got labelled as ‘not relationship material’ in my social group which repelled some relationships that could have been for me without that.
i was single my whole life, bar two short relationships until i met my now husband in my early 30s
(literally max 3-4 months active stage, though one had an following unhealthy friendship for longer afterwards until I woke up and cut him off).
certainly at the outset I was after the whole package.
what the movies tell you to hold out for, chemistry, friendship, intellectual equal, partner, supporter.
while I did have some issues of self worth as a teen and 20 something they were by no means out of kilter with friends who did more successfully get into relationships.
i was unlucky I think not to meet someone who ticked my boxes and me theirs to have the standard late teens / university starter relationship.
but I found overtime that my singleness became a source of both stigma and fascination in my social circle.
literally ‘what is wrong with Ferns’ was a legitimate topic, as was grilling me about my dating life for the vicarious thrills.
On paper I have a lot going for me and I never lacked for male attention.
i became seen as some radioactive combination of damaged goods and unattainable for no particular reason.
of course the cycle took its toll and eventually I took myself off to therapy and rebuilt my self esteem and drew some better boundaries.
the changes I made with friends were as impactful as how I dealt with men.
i stopped discussing my dating life with anyone to keep my centre but also to change the narrative ‘friends’ were by now projecting onto me.
15 years past that several male friends in the social circle seem
both surprised I have a successful marriage and family and regretful they didn’t see that potential in me.
ive learned that men are pack animals. They seek the approval of their peers subconsciously. They often get interested in the girls that are in relationships because it’s safe, and there is the social confirmation that they are ‘girlfriend material’ or maybe just attainable. They can go ‘well she’s with him but I’m better in this way so maybe she’d consider me’
friendship groups dynamics and social status matter a lot until at least your mid 20s. If I had my time over I’d play the game differently