Performance parents

[Maryquitecontrarymary]

Am I the only one who is irritated like hell around these people?
At airport waiting to board flight. Couple infront with 2 kids who seemed to want everyone to know what fun they are and how much banter they have together as a family. "Oh look at us, look how fun we are, look how great we get on with our kids".
Try to ignore but it's impossible as they are so loud and they are constantly looking around as though to see who is watching and listening, so you have to make sure you don't look their way or make eye contact.
Oh and guess where they happen to be sitting? Yep you guessed it, right behind us. I swear the whole flight could hear them and only them. The woman had a gob like a foghorn and seemed to swing between being performance banter mum and having a go at her husband. Even ear plugs couldn't drown them out.
I'm surprised these people don't exhaust themselves with their performances

Nine times out of ten when people talk about "performance parenting" it's just a cover story for an onslaught of thinly-veiled envy. And I usually dislike it when people accuse others of being jealous but this is a classic case study.

It's always highly subjective, there's never any hard evidence for it other than it made the OP feel a bit uncomfortable because it made them feel like their parenting wasn't up to scratch. The OP can't actually prove this family was looking around at other people's reactions, its her own entirely subjective interpretation. And to give her the benefit of the doubt you do sometimes get irritating people with loud voices but most of the time this is just people with a chip on their shoulder about people who talk to their kids.

Oh, and there's always, without fail, a predictable Middle Class trope in the "performance parenting" threads. The kids are always called Tristram and Tacita and they are always eating carrot and hummus sandwiches. Apparently when less well-heeled parents shout at their kids on the bus while they eat sausage rolls and Hula Hoops it's less problematic.

I'm sorry I'm as judgy as the next person about smug parents but this is so nakedly about the OP's insecurities and not about this particular family.

If you're that upset by observing other people having fun it says far more about you than this "performance" family. Jog on.

Aw, aren't they lovely. Would they like some sweets for the plane? Hand parents two large bags of Tangfastics in sight of the kids.

On the flight, use eye mask and noise cancelling headphones and relax. 😈

Please see numerous responses on this thread complaining about parents not being discreet enough about having a child who eats butternut squash or quinoa.

Please see numerous responses on this thread complaining about parents not being discreet enough about having a child who eats butternut squash or quinoa.
Nobody has to be discreet though!

Just eat your food. It doesn't matter if it's a sausage roll from Gregg's or some artisan home cooked butternut squash and organics quinoa meal. Nobody is going to be paying that much attention.

They might start paying attention though if they're subject to "oh darling, eat your quinoa... You like quinoa don't you sweetie. Can you say quinoa? Can you? Say quinoa for Mummy/daddy. Say Keeen.... Wa. Keeen... Wa. Quinoa. Look! Squash. Tasty tasty butternut squash. So much nicer than those pouches we tried isn't it darling. You're going to be big and strong eating all your wonderful wholesome foods that we got at the farm shop. You like the farm shop don't you? Yes we love our trips to the farm shop!" whilst they're having a coffee or enjoying a snack with their own family.
It's not the eating of butternut squash that's the problem. It's the incessant commentary at a stupid volume that's annoying.

Most people don't notice parents talking to their children, just like they don't notice parents having educational conversations with their children, and they don't notice what parents are feeding their children because most parents don't make a bloody scene or production of it!

If you happen to encounter me talking to my child about food at any volume, please be assured I'm not in the slightest bit interested in whether you approve of it or not. It's a very self-centred assumption that anyone is performing anything to impress you- they are just living their lives.

What the op describes isn't performance parenting

It's just loud adults

If you happen to encounter me talking to my child about food at any volume, please be assured I'm not in the slightest bit interested in whether you approve of it or not. It's a very self-centred assumption that anyone is performing anything to impress you- they are just living their lives.
I'm afraid I think any parent that's using a fog horn volume to do basic parenting is most likely being quite self-centred, rude and inconsiderate. The whole world doesn't need to hear a running commentary of your parenting, just like whole train carriages don't need to hear someone shouting down the phone on a work call. Very few people are impressed by parents who offer loud commentaries, just like almost nobody is impressed by the annoying man loudly showing off how hilarious he thinks he is in public places.

Most parents manage just fine to get on with day to day parenting (including educational conversations and feeding their children) without subjecting everyone around them to a loud, repetitive commentary about mundane things.

There's a reason obnoxious phone call people stand out on public transport - it's because most people don't behave in that way and are capable of taking a call without annoying others.

There's a reason a certain type of parenting behaviour stands out - it's because most parents don't behave that way

Well that’s bollocks. You must have poor observational skills. No one is jealous of a show boating cringe fest put on for the benefit of others

@DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats

Well that’s bollocks. You must have poor observational skills. No one is jealous of a show boating cringe fest put on for the benefit of others

But why do people find them so triggering then? And also how can you prove it's' done for the benefit of others? How can you possibly know that?

Because it’s bloody obvious?!?! That’s the whole point!

Exactly. The whole point of it is it’s a performance. I’m not talking about parents chatting to kids; fuck me we’ve all done that. No, it’s the need to draw attention from others around by creating a show. I don’t know why they do it. To look better than others? Who knows but what I DO know is that it’s definitely a thing.

Hmm. I just don't buy this. I find it very noticeable that these threads are without fail always directed at middle class people. You never ever find "performance parenting" posts directed at Trev and Sue shouting at their kids.

The vast majority of this is just class envy.

And I speak as someone who force feeds their kid Wotsits in public.

It’s not envy it’s a cringe.

If you see it you know it. I have been accused of being posh myself 😀 it’s NOT envy it’s just utter cringe.

Thank you. If you know, you know

I am surprised that more people have not experienced it. I think certain areas are more prone to it, particularly London.
It does tend to be middle class parents who do it, but people talking about it are not envious of them. The perfect example is the Quinoa one given above.
I had been out with my family. We were walking up a road when suddenly aother, father and child appeared. The parents started shouting about " What is your favourite food darling? Is it Thai or Japanese". " Oh you love eating in China town, don't you darling?". Afterwards, I mentioned to my husband about the loud conversation in the street. He said " Yes and do you know what started it off?". He had quietly mentioned to me as we passed the Thai restaurant that we had not eaten there for a long time.
That was performance parenting. The conversation was for our benefit about how refined their child's palate is. There was no need to have it at ear splitting volume. It was not a real conversation with their child.

Precisely. What a Knobhead x

Hmm. I just don't buy this. I find it very noticeable that these threads are without fail always directed at middle class people. You never ever find "performance parenting" posts directed at Trev and Sue shouting at their kids.
Not directed at middle class people.
Just that some middle class parents are more prone to it.

There's a lot of middle class parents who get on with life without providing annoying commentaries for the world to hear.

Trev and Sue shouting at their kids or the parents who allow their children to run wild in cafes/restaurants are equally considered to be inconsiderate, but It's not performance parenting.

Loving the idea of "Trev and Sue" letting their kids run riot!
Based on the average age of Trevs and Sues that I know, their kids are about my age (mid-40s) and ought to know better

In my experience performance parenting manifests in two ways, in social gatherings when 'that' parent is constantly steering the conversation to their children's achievements despite nobody actually asking about them and the loud public displays which is basically seem less about positive engagement with children and more a case of 'look at me and how amazing I am'.

Did you say something to them Op seeing as how it bothered you that much?

I was boarding a flight yesterday and was behind a couple and their child and immediately thought of this thread. They proceeded to loudly excite their child about their upcoming birthday plans together and return to kindergarden today which seemed a strange thing to do before you'd be wanting them to sit nicely for 2hrs. What made it more amusing to me was the fact their conversations before and after weren't in English but they switched especially for the benefit of the crowd it seemed 😂

Thankfully they were sat an acceptable amount of rows behind me so can't report if it continued for the whole flight or not

Trev and Sue! Arf. In the 80s maybe!