Performance parents

[Maryquitecontrarymary]

Am I the only one who is irritated like hell around these people?
At airport waiting to board flight. Couple infront with 2 kids who seemed to want everyone to know what fun they are and how much banter they have together as a family. "Oh look at us, look how fun we are, look how great we get on with our kids".
Try to ignore but it's impossible as they are so loud and they are constantly looking around as though to see who is watching and listening, so you have to make sure you don't look their way or make eye contact.
Oh and guess where they happen to be sitting? Yep you guessed it, right behind us. I swear the whole flight could hear them and only them. The woman had a gob like a foghorn and seemed to swing between being performance banter mum and having a go at her husband. Even ear plugs couldn't drown them out.
I'm surprised these people don't exhaust themselves with their performances

I literally give up.
The clue is in the constantly looking around, directing the jokes at "the audience", checking to see who is laughing etc.
Therefore it is clear they are trying to impress SOMEONE other than themselves

Don’t worry OP. I get you x

Got it in one. I'm glad someone around here isn't part of the extended family of dumb and dumber

Well, my point is, I don't think it's necessarily fake or performed. I have seen parents with different parenting styles or just humans with different personality styles but I have never seen anything that I'd call performance parenting and it's not like I don't get out a lot.

I just don't see why anyone would feel the need to perform. Why would they care so much about your opinion?

Maybe you are getting the strange self conscious glances because people are trying to follow what parenting books or parenting advice says (ie engage and be playful with your kids, give them choices whenever possible, keep narrating what you are doing, dtc. ) but it doesn't come natural to them so they feel a but embarrassed or self conscious.

This is why you come across as angry, because not only you find a family having fun together irritating, but you also assume it’s aimed at you somehow. It must be exhausting to be so annoyed at the world.

She doesn’t come across as angry in the slightest. She comes across as baffled as to why those parents couldn’t keep themselves to themselves instead of trying to play to the crowd.

Omg. Again MISSES THE POINT completely. Cos this is all just about a family having fun. And you thinking that i believe it was aimed exclusively at me. You are spectacularly thick aren't you?

So do I. Perhaps those who are calling you grumpy here, are the very same parents as in the OP. I have travelled all around the world with my 3 boisterous boys. We certainly 'engage', laugh a lot, talk, chat, play games, etc, etc - but we are also always respectful of those around us. Anywhere- and in restaurants too! And kids made aware they can have loads of fun, and yet respect other people's space and peace.

Again, as so often on MN, from the sublime to the ridiculous.

You are spectacularly unpleasant so I'm bowing out of this thread now. It just confirms what I believe about people who believe that performance parenting is a thing.

Ok, you’ve convinced me. Calling everyone who disagrees with you thick and dumb definitely shows you to be calm and rational. Absolutely no frothing from you.

[backs away slowly, with no sudden movements]

There was a father at the nursery my kid went to that we called ' Performance dad' ...loudly playing chasing games at the bus stop, constant loud conversations on the bus etc.

Me and partner speculated that as soon as there wasn't an audience, he would just be a normal parent, odd comment to his kid, checking his phone etc.

I’m going back under it 😂

Nope. Not calling everyone dumb who disagrees with me.
Calling them dumb when they have completely missed the point of the thread and had it explained to them over and over again, that THIS IS NOT ABOUT PEOPLE HAVING FUN WITH THEIR KIDS.
It is about PEOPLE PUTTING ON A VERY OBVIOUS PERFORMANCE
Yet they keep coming back and saying that I have issues cos I clearly don't like people having fun with their kids.
I too think it's best that I step away now as I'm getting bored of repeating myself and I'm only going to end up comingacross more and more rude.

Okay, but we cannot read other humans minds so we are making a judgement that they are 'performing' based on their observable behaviour. In this case the behaviour in question seems to be having fun, being loud, whilst looking around. (you are making a judgement that they want your attention, you don't actually know this because you can't read their mind. Perhaps they do, but perhaps they don't.). If a parent was sat quietly playing Scrabble with their child whilst looking around, would they be said to be 'performing' too?
The examples given in this thread include a family interacting loudly in a supermarket, a dad playing loudly with his child in his own garden, and a mum speaking loudly to her child in the supermarket.
Maybe they are just more extraverted than you?
I just don't understand why we have to be so mean to each-other and put each-other down. There is no manual on parenting and most people are just doing their best.

Sounds like my sister inlaw 😂😂.

Performance parenting is definitely a thing.

Our family have a child that's grown up with another child. The father is a performance parent, his wife very timid and quiet in his presence. He always bragged about his children, their intelligence, accomplishments all down to him of course.

His eldest is now a chip off the old block, middle child had a breakdown at university which disgusted his father. The youngest who's clocked all this picked a university his father didn't approve of. He's keeping a very low profile.

I wasnt there so cant really tell but I am not sure about the performing element of this. Some people are incredibly loud and they drive me mad. I have told people on trains and such to please be quiter as the noise is unbearable.

We’ve got one where we live. I call him Daddy Daycare. Doesn’t live with the kid but if he visits and he’s got a small audience he runs round with the kid doing some sort of fake laugh. Once no one is there to see the hilarity him and the kid go in and shut the door. That is performance parenting

Haha, I'm not going to lie, I feel like my husband does this performance parenting a little bit as he's always looking around for reactions when we're out. He's a very shy individual and really cares about what other people think, so I wonder if it's a thing he doesn't realise he does for validation, or if he just thinks our son is so cute, that he wants everyone else to see too.

I think there's a difference between this and being loud and obnoxious though, which is perhaps the irritating part? Yes, some of us are extraverted, and some of us are introverted...but it's pretty natural to be annoyed be loud, irritating shows that we didn't sign up for, especially when there is nowhere to escape to!

Edit: I'll add too that my husband doesn't play up for an audience, if anything, the games are more boisterous at home!

She sounds annoying... But less annoying than you OP. Sorry.

Also known as zoo mums/dads in our house

And I’ll go under mine.😂🪨

I seen it usually on trains when trapped - not always parents sometime DGP - also once in a Library. It's very OTT in no-way age appropriate for the kids and in cases I saw often seem in result in upsetting the kids.

I do remember one train journey other kids got overwhelmed after an hour and cried and were very loud like adults my kids similar ages sat reading their books and comics quiet and well behaved still.

However did have it hurled at me as an insult my crime was talking to my kids on walk into school - there were plenty of other days we'd had a mare getting out on time and were silently fuming at each other walking in but that was a good day. So I know it gets thrown as an insult a parents just doing normal interactions.

No. She really doesn’t. But you might want to take a look at how you come across yourself.