Performance parents

[Maryquitecontrarymary]

Am I the only one who is irritated like hell around these people?
At airport waiting to board flight. Couple infront with 2 kids who seemed to want everyone to know what fun they are and how much banter they have together as a family. "Oh look at us, look how fun we are, look how great we get on with our kids".
Try to ignore but it's impossible as they are so loud and they are constantly looking around as though to see who is watching and listening, so you have to make sure you don't look their way or make eye contact.
Oh and guess where they happen to be sitting? Yep you guessed it, right behind us. I swear the whole flight could hear them and only them. The woman had a gob like a foghorn and seemed to swing between being performance banter mum and having a go at her husband. Even ear plugs couldn't drown them out.
I'm surprised these people don't exhaust themselves with their performances

This is called sharenting I think.

I only put happy things on my SM, difficult things I talk about IRL, but sharing good things isn't the same as showing off.

You clearly haven’t seen it. It’s not the normal engaging with kids in public that most of us do.

Yep. It’s endemic in N London. Thankfully when the kids become teens, the dads dial it down and train for triathlons instead.

This is not performance parenting.

Anyone talking really loudly in an environment you can't get away from is annoying. . . so I sympathise. My husband was a huge performance parenter when the DC were young and I would find it cripplingly cringe-worthy. However, he worked long hours in a job he didn't really like to provide well for us (I was briefly a SAHM). And he missed the DC. And he genuinely did think they were the most beautiful, clever, athletic, funny little beings ever . . . and he couldn't help but demand other people acknowledged that. I spent all day every day with DC so while I took thought (knew!) that they were indeed magical DC and the best examples of DC in the world I also knew how irritating that was to other parents and had the self control to not PP. So I guess if we wanted to be kind we could say that yes, that family you met were fiendishly annoying, but we don't know their circumstances, maybe one of them had been very sick and they felt celebratory to be better and all together, maybe they hadn't seen each other for ages because mum had been working away, maybe they'd had a traumatic event and we're pretending all was hunky dory when it wasn't etc etc

I don’t think these performances can just be restricted to parenting. I know of people that love to over-perform to convince others and themselves that everything is fab.

I was stuck behind a ‘performance couple’ once, a slightly older couple. We were in the queue in a shop and the man kept loudly going on about how much she was costing him, always costing him so much with her shopping, wasn’t she lucky he didn’t mind how much she was costing him. The woman was giggling away looking around to everyone rolling her eyes ‘what’s he like’ etc.

So yeah not just parents, just arseholes and they are everywhere.

It is the volume, that is the thing.

Eurostar, France to England, sitting 4 rows away, could hear every word of the father going through some maths relating to real life in a very, very loud voice with their young DC. Engaging with DC - top marks. Doing it at a volume which means the entire carriage hears - performance.

I laughed and commented on the performance parenting to (older) DC and I wonder if they heard as they installed their 4 year old in the row in front of us, with another adult and child, with a laptop on which they watched various disney films at top volume without ear plugs, while also talking in loud voices about how they were 4 but they were as tall as 6 year olds.

DC and I laughed and watched Frozen and various other bits of films through the gap in the chairs. Better that than performance parenting.

The French around us were not amused because it is de rigeur for French children to be quiet and still in public. And we laughed but it wasn't great really. We were travelling because we were going to a funeral. We just don't know what other passengers are up to or going through. I think the performance parents should hone their skills of getting their young DC to be quiet and considerate in public to be honest.

I don't know if this comes under performance parenting but I have noticed a lot of people like to brag loudly at restaurants. 'James you got 9 9s in your GCSE's we will all go to Barbados to celebrate.'
'My DD has just been accepted at Oxford, she is in the top 1% of A Level results' I just find it to be in poor taste to do this out in public and mildly ridiculous, considering you have no idea who you are sat next to or whether they would be impressed by it.

Honestly, it isn't parents like you. Seeing parents engage with their dc is lovely, and I am assuming you are talking to them at the same pitch you would always talk to them, at home or out. Re performance parents, it is very, very loud. So loud you really have no choice but to listen. Not normal talking.

Yep. Twats

Yesssss, this is it. Constant trumpet-blowing in exaggerated, loud tones just in case someone hasn’t heard. I think the rise of social media, especially Instagram has a lot to answer for. I worked with one who was the best at everything. Her kid was the best. Shouted out how much everything cost etc etc etc. Can’t be seen to be shitting out. I think the reality behind the scenes was quite different. The performative parenting isn’t about talking normally to your kids, it’s overdoing the “look how AMAZING we are; much better than you. Aren’t you impressed?”

Ha ha, this has turned into a bit of a bunfight! I know what you mean, OP, and I've come across such people who are particularly annoying (to me) in a confined space. Not sure it's just parenting but general look at me/us stuff and sometimes trying to get people involved with their 'show'. I'm not talking about the oblivious loud ones but the knowing looking for a reaction /audience/fellow performers.
My neighbour does some performance pet 'parenting' sometimes when she knows I'm in my garden and can hear her. Gotta smile.

This.

🤣

🤣🤣🤣

You should hear me talking to DDog op! 🤣

I was trying to be a good parent on a rare train trip with dd1 years ago she was pretty young think pre school. Doing all that “look a sheep”. She turned and said gently “can you be quiet please mummy” - that told me 😀😀

I know exactly what what you mean op. It's like in the supermarket and you hear parents say very loudly things like 'yes that's a butternut squash Ernest, well done !' Once I was behind a Dad and the toddler pointed and said 'postman' - the dad said extremely loudly 'No that's a post person Henry! '

Long before social media and so on we knew a couple whose life seemed very split, when she told us something it was all rose-coloured and perfect, when he described the same thing it sounded totally different. A journey was described by her as having no traffic jams, the children were perfectly behaved and they were off the ferry first. He told us that the traffic had been so awful that they almost missed the ferry, the children had been so badly behaved that he considered leaving them on the side of the road and they couldn't get off the ferry for ages because the driver of the car in front had lost his keys!

>sharenting

Love this!

Ever considered this isn't a performance but exactly that....they do get on and this us them even behind closes doors.

I eye roll at people like you...bitter

Yet another way to beat parents (read: mothers) around the head.

Talk to your kids. Don't be on the phone. Engage with them. Expand their vocabulary. Stop using big words with your child, we all know that they don't understand them and you're showing off.

Introduce them to new things. Giving them fast food is appalling. Oh, giving him homecooked food is so pretentious, get over yourself.

Be fun. No, not like that! Do it quietly! Don't make eye contact fgs. No, don't just focus at your child, be considerate and aware of your surroundings, but don't look at anyone.

Don't raise your voice or be bossy. NO stop being so gentle, kids need discipline! Look at that Mum dragging her screaming toddler to the car, how awful. Now look at that one sitting beside her screaming toddler trying to help them regulate, how pathetic.

All we expect from you is to be the perfect Mum at all times, but if we see you being a good Mum we'll judge you for performing good motherhood. Got it?

Oh, giving him homecooked food is so pretentious, get over yourself.

Who says this?