Performance parents

[Maryquitecontrarymary]

Am I the only one who is irritated like hell around these people?
At airport waiting to board flight. Couple infront with 2 kids who seemed to want everyone to know what fun they are and how much banter they have together as a family. "Oh look at us, look how fun we are, look how great we get on with our kids".
Try to ignore but it's impossible as they are so loud and they are constantly looking around as though to see who is watching and listening, so you have to make sure you don't look their way or make eye contact.
Oh and guess where they happen to be sitting? Yep you guessed it, right behind us. I swear the whole flight could hear them and only them. The woman had a gob like a foghorn and seemed to swing between being performance banter mum and having a go at her husband. Even ear plugs couldn't drown them out.
I'm surprised these people don't exhaust themselves with their performances

My OH can be a bit PP'ty if he has an audience.

He definitely dials up the volume and interaction if there are other people about.Love him to bits but it is a bit cringe!

I think you know exactly what I mean here @MrsSunshine2b, but thank you anyway for your helpful input.

Were you going to Tenerife? Was it the Ladbaby family? 😅

I get what you mean. I know a family like this. They are actually quite nice people but by god are they hard work to be around.
And it does all seem to be about performance and look at us and how wonderful we are. I mean its great they are happy and all but no one else really needs to know ALL the time.

And yes they performance parent also. It can sometimes get a bit embarrassing when its so obvious and loud.
And if I meet the mum for coffee discussion always centres solely around her DC and her DH and who has done what and achieved what and managed to get what. I mean its one thing being proud of your kids but quite another to constantly ram it down peoples throats. I rarely meet up now to be honest because I always leave exhausted and having not uttered a single thing about myself or my family because she doesn't shut up from start to finish.

I just think each to their own, and they are totally harmless and nice people, but I find it all a bit much after about 10 minutes in their company. So I sympathise if a similar family were behind you during a flight!

Engaging with their 'kids' is fine but there's no need to engage with the rest of humanity.

Maybe those that don’t get it don’t live in or go to prime performance parenting type locations (dare I say it worthy child friendly places in locations like parts of north London / Oxford / Bath) - I definitely do and know exactly what op means!

It’s the fathers who treat every public appearance as an ‘education opportunity’ that bore me. Covid exacerbated this by 1000% as I always seemed to be next to them in queues.

There are a couple in my street. One lives closeby. She has 3 kids - 10, 5, and 3. She is all like boo boo boo iccle boy, iccle girl, mama wubz you, aren't you a clever boy, wah wah wah.

This is on the driveway and in the garden.

Inside the house, she screams blue fucking murder at them. Literally screeching like a banshee. The stuff outside is definitely 'performance parenting.'

Yes exactly. Engaging with your children is wonderful, and it's lovely to see people doing it.

Performance parenting is another thing!

There IS a difference, but I can't articulate what it is.

Or abuse.

Reminds me of this bit in the brilliant Afterlife 😂

when you do it for the benefit of other people who could not care less.

There is definitely a fine line between engaging with your family and having fun, and performance parenting like the video above. However my DH is suuuuuper aware of not being annoying to other people around us when we are out and that is mot ideal either. It’s good to find a balance I think.

This explains it quite well I think: Nobody likes a show-off

empty vessels make the loudest noise

i see a lot of parents like that which is invariably "peddling a fake narrative" as the kardashians would say

Yeah I do this too. I think it’s normal. Pretty sure it’s good to engage with toddlers, I’ve chatted away to my twins wherever we are since they were babies… good for their language development and I’d just find it odd to not communicate with them and chat/narrate stuff. Like it say, it keeps them entertained slightly and prevents meltdown. It’s the only social interaction I get some days anyway 😂 they are little chatterboxes now they are two and I love it!

🤣🤣🤣 this perfectly sums up how I feel about the situation. I think social media and WhatsApp have both contributed to the rise of ‘performance parenting’.

I did find it a bit difficult during the pandemic when I would have weekly Zoom quizzes with my family. The quizzes would often become a chance for a couple of family members to share updates about their child, their houses and their lives. It felt annoying because it felt very one-sided, as if everyone else on the Zoom call was just being talked at by the family members.

Unlike in face-to-face situations, Zoom doesn’t let you break off into small groups to have separate conversations. Therefore, the weekly Zoom often just became these two family members telling everyone else about the new house they had bought, how well their child was doing and how good their life was.

I love these family members and their child, but it definitely all got a bit much at times!

A ton of the people on here complaining about performance parents also complain when kids are given iPads or are left to entertain themselves in public any way that emits sounds above shallow breathing.

Don't give them iPads, make sure you constantly entertain them but also don't because that's performance parenting. Give them activities but keep them deathly silent at the same time. Engage with them but anything louder than half a decibel and we will come on MN to complain about you performing like a YouTube family.

Some people should never have come out of lockdown if normal parents going about life normally bothers them so much 😂

Feel for you, this really grinds my gears and I know exactly the type you mean. I travel a lot for work and there is one family every single time that do this.

Nobody ever seems to be able to pin down what exactly is so wrong though, besides the vague "showing off" and "you know it when you see it."

Take parenting out of it and put a similar behaviour into another context.

Most people when taking a phone call in public - have conversation at an appropriate volume for the situation, have no need to shout, end call. Nobody particularly notices or cares because it's just a phone call.

A certain type of (usually male) person who wants the world to know just how important they are - answers phone, speaks at fog horn volume, checks everyone is paying attention to him telling Dave that stuff needs mailing for the accounts, continues big important man work chat at full volume whilst everyone else wishes he'd stfu.

It's similar with parenting:

Most parents - talk to their children, engage with their children, have fun with their children, have educational conversations, use an appropriate volume for the situation. Children engage back in conversation. Good fun is had by all.

Performance parents - talk at normal volume until they feel something is noteworthy and then they switch to loud/annoying/over the top tone of voice for the very part they want people to notice, often end up doing some sort of cringe worthy narrative whilst the child looks at them like wtf/replies awkwardly or parent keep pushing the child to be a performing monkey. The people around couldn't care less and just want to enjoy their coffee, do their grocery shopping, or enjoy the museum with their own children and wish Annoying Mum/Dad would stfu.

The performance parent will see or hear people discussing this annoying pattern of behaviour and decide that everyone is hating on people just talking to their children, or that those finding the behaviour annoying are insecure, or jealous of more advanced children.

Also, to second this, there has been a huge increase in speech and language issues in kids who were born in and around the pandemic.

But no, don't interact with them in any way to help because it will bother some MNer that children are out in public with loving and attentive parents.

@Maryquitecontrarymary OP I admire your patience in trying to explain what is such a simple concept, but evidently baffling certain people.

Perhaps a link to the definition of "performance"...

(Although, seriously don't bother, a bowl of trifle would have grasped the concept by now, no amount of repeated explanation will get through to some people)

Similar to the mother who loudly sang 'The Wheels On The Bus' all round Asda last week. She looked very pleased with herself. Just give the toddler a chunk of crusty bread to chew on and get your shopping done. FGS.

I hadn't seen this before. Absolute genius.

One is engaging normally with your children.

The other is deliberately performing for an audience that is not your children.

Both will be speaking directly to the child. The latter will be either doing so, deliberately loudly specifically so they attract attention (to what they think is their impressive action/speech at the time) or trying to draw in/catch the eye/interaction of those nearby (to what they think is their impressive action/speech at the time).

There's a massive difference.