I’m literally begging you - help

[Hellllppppmmeeee]

wise Mnetters I’m literally begging you to help me decide my life.

would you take a job that paid 50k decent benefits but in the office 3 days a week. More senior position

or

one that paid 45k one day in the office, more jnr position, so a bit of a career back step.

after tax there is £150 a month in it (not factoring commuting costs)

I’ve had a bad experience with work lately and honestly I’m frozen decision wise

I wish I could but ultimately that’s cost prohibitive but you’re right I am utterly panic stricken

I think you should look at other factors, such as the culture, career progression, industry and what the company does - its purpose, and the market it's in.

Speaking from experience, I took a more senior role/more money, but on reflection should have worked for the company/industry that I was most interested in.

What field are you in?

Is it the £50k job saying ft in the office to start? How long is the "to start" for? If 1-2 weeks can you and dh juggle, call in favours, ask for the odd extra wrap around day? Will they accommodate some early/late start/finishes?
If they're saying ft in the office for a month or more I would be saying that doesn't work for you...

Take the job you would enjoy more

I am sorry to hear that. It is very difficult to make good decisions when you are so stressed. Do you have a trusted colleague that you can discuss this with? It is very difficult for strangers to give any informed advice and someone in your field might be able to comment better. Unless you want to divulge your career here and see if anybody can give more specific advice to you.

They aren’t even saying it formally which irritates me, that was just hr and she was unfamiliar with the process or the fact my line manager hasn’t reached out

for a week we could cover it, longer we’d struggle I think

OP I would take the 45k work from home role, on the grounds that you have young kids and are still only early 30s, so have plenty of time to restart climbing the ladder later on. With young kids, I find that you are largely treading water and placeholding your career so that you can put your foot on the gas again once they are older.

It would be frustrating to take a step up that you are otherwise capable of, only to find that you underperform because of the short term difficulties balancing commuting and the demands of small kids.

I have personally taken a sideways move into an almost 100% WFH role rather than move up while my son is nursery age. It's actually worked out well, as the sideways move has meant that I am now working in a related area that's more interesting to me, but I get a few years with no commuting or additional stresses that would come with the step up (e.g. by going sideways I have avoided having to take on line management and business generation).

Once my son is a little older and not being sent home for nursery illnesses at the drop of a hat during winter, I will probably look to move on to something more senior, and all the additional responsibilities that entails. However, for now, I feel far happier performing well in my placeholder sideways move role than I would be trying to step up at a time when the family demands on my time are really high.

I’d go for the first option. If it doesn’t work out then I’d look for something more like the second option.

More time at home for me!

You haven't even accepted the job, why would your (not yet) line manager have 'reached out'?

50k job is easily the best job by the sounds of it, but I'm not sure you're the right candidate for that job from what you're saying. In a professional salaried job you need to be flexible, FT in the office until you learn the processes/meet your colleagues doesn't seem unreasonable, but if you can't/won't make that work, you can't take that job.

You say you are ambitious so definitely take the more senior role.

Unless your budget is very tight I wouldn't worry too much about the salary difference. Which job do you think you would enjoy. Too difficult for a stranger to decide. Depends if you like wfh. Depends if you would dread the long commute.

Imagine they both work out brilliantly. That there is no downside to either job. Then ask yourself which you would take from that place.

Absolutely no question, you should go for the more senior, better paid role.

I think you need to go for the 45k job at this point as it sounds like your home life won't yet facilitate the other.

I’d take the 50k one.

All you need to do is glance at the divorce board to see all the women who decided to take a step back in their career, facilitate the higher earning husband's career etc. to realise that you need to progress and work on your career and it sounds like the more senior role is the one to go for.

What type of role do you do and which industry are you in? The economy is in a worse state than probably a lot of people realise so I would consider who the 2 companies are, how profitable they are and the likelihood that either will have to cut costs or wind up. If you genuinely have no clue or there's no obvious difference then I'd consider the culture of both places and where I'd best fit. I'd still struggling then I'd take the higher paid, career enhancing role.

The 90min commute each way even 1 day a week would rule out the 45 job for me. Even with wrap around childcare can you fit in a full day in the office and 3 hours of travel, plus contingency for the traffic being bad if DH is away?
If you applied for the 50job first then you were clearly willing / wanting to do it before the other option came up so I'd take that one.

Because I did accept and apparently it’s common practice. The request for the first week or whatever in the office isn’t unreasonable at all, it’s just that this is the first I’ve heard of it, it wasn’t mentioned at offer stage and if it was I might not have accepted

50k one. Less of a commute. Step up too.
45k is wrong because:
You're not great at working from home and as its more junior you'll have less incentive to get on with it.
That commute - albeit one day a week- is long. You can't rely on car pooling - what if they're ill/leave/there's an emergency etc etc

There's no way a bloke would take.a back step. Be more bloke.
(*in terms of job confidence only!)

I am curious. Does everyone saying go for the 50k role with the long commute have a nanny or a stay at home partner? I wouldn't be able to manage a long commute at the moment even with a partner who does 50 % of our son's out of nursery childcare.

I am ambitious, but I also recognise when I would be biting off more than I can chew, which is why I have passed on my own potential step up for now.

I want to make up for lost time career wise, feel successful and be fairly remunerated.

Remind yourself of that, tell your DH and find a solution to any roadblocks. Don't look for reasons not to take the 50K job.. it is better and it fits with your wants and needs.

Your career has already taken the childbearing hit. Let your DH find some solutions to .. I won't be here from 11th to 22nd March... just like you have to when he works away.. plus you will only be a half hour commute away.

Use this time off to process the issues you had in your last job, get your body out of fight or flight / shock / trauma mode and back into rest and recover before building yourself back up to 'I am worth it' mode.

As for 2 or 4 days wfh.. start positive.. DH will take the slack at home while I get established in this new role.. it is important to me and important to our long term finacial and emotional stability. I will negotiate in advance for flexibility for the 2 to 4 days per week when DH is away, but outside of that, I commit to being fully present for the first 6 months. When I am sure of myself in the new role, then I can decide what flexibility is right for the role and for me.

If you are supervising staff who are office based it will take you at least twice as long to get the hamg of things working from home 3 days per week. If you also find it hard to concentrate and have suffered a knock to your confidence with your last job, being in the office will leave you less time and space to procrastinate and doubt yourself.

Put yourself first and step bravely into this new opportunity. Do not listen to the doubting voices in your head.

This...

First time I saw this suggestion years ago... I thought waa mad idea... But have used it several times... And it does get your gut reaction.

(Personally I'd take the more senior role. I'd be worried how would be perceived overall... Taking a more junior role without good reason!)... But has to be your decision obvs!

@CreativeNameChange the 50k one is the half hour commute and 1/3 of the distance of the 45k one. But the long commute is only once a week and the short commute is 2 days a week.