I’m literally begging you - help

[Hellllppppmmeeee]

wise Mnetters I’m literally begging you to help me decide my life.

would you take a job that paid 50k decent benefits but in the office 3 days a week. More senior position

or

one that paid 45k one day in the office, more jnr position, so a bit of a career back step.

after tax there is £150 a month in it (not factoring commuting costs)

I’ve had a bad experience with work lately and honestly I’m frozen decision wise

During the process of applying did one give you a better feeling than the other at all? Did one seem more professional/better organised/better at communicating/more supportive? What is your priority, more pay or more WFH? It's all very personal to you, remember there's no wrong answer!

No one has asked about childcare. 2 small kiddies. Do you have solid childcare in place? Does your partner do 50% of the childcare? What about when they are sick? How much time off work would you like to attend sports days, nativity plays, random assemblies, dentists appointments, extra curricular activities etc.

Like others I am leaning towards the 50k post for you, but working from home can take the pressure off many of the above, if they are important to you. If you have a nanny/grandparents/ability to use your 2 days/week from home/actively involved and flexible partner with the 50k job then they are less important

Is there a risk the one day a week in the office might turn into 3 days or more? 90 mins commute is long and you are young I’d always aspire to a more senior role!

They both seemed really nice actually, cool, funny and human which is great.

i still get wfh and I could try and talk them down to 2 days office.

fuck I don’t know, I’m terrified in the rug being pulled out from under me, my last place. Let’s just say I’m surprised there weren’t suicides

Working in an office would possibly help your confidence more than being pretty much home based.

You say you're definitely looking to develop, so that means the more senior role.

You've been burned, so I understand your fear. But it will possibly knock you more if you go for the junior role which you then find frustrating.

You might benefit from a career coach, someone to tell you to trust in yourself and your ability, to step boldly, value your skills and to help you to trust in your decisions.

If your DH works away often, this will have a huge impact on your life overall as you bear the brunt of home life responsibility. Find a way to share that with him whether it is that he takes on all remote family logistics including on line shopping, managing kids clubs, childcare, school admin etc. and if possible, that he negotiates 4 days away and one day from home. (If this is a one off and he does shoulder the burden and wfh.. ignore this bit).

If you take a step backwards, it will be more difficult to move forward in the future and pay rises will be on a lower base. The higher position and salary will increase the chances of further advancement.

Came here to say this! I have seen so many women sidelined by taking the more flexible role too early in their career because of family and then finding it hard to make the step up.

He does 2-4 days a month away the rest of the time he is wfh, company cover his expenses. I think I need to make a decision today, they are both asking me to let them know

And I think I’d be stuck for at least 18 months at that role

Not sure on your age or home commitments, or how ambitious you as these are all factors. Unfortunately I think being in the office is how people get promoted, not great but sadly is what it is. If you are able to manage the commute and want to progress, and are happy to deal with the inevitable commute from hell we have all had when the trains are cancelled or there’s a crash on the road, then fine. If your work life balance is critical and you value the non financial rewards of WFH, housework around calls, closing laptop at 5 - and you aren’t too fussed about the top jobs then I don’t think you need to go in. £5k isn’t that much of a difference in REAL TERMS, it’s about the days in office that you need to consider. Personally, I am 29 and am a senior consultant at a management consultancy, and am aiming to get to certain levels before DH and I have kids, so I’m doing the hard bit now so I can ease off later and WFH for kid care etc

This is a really good idea. Then you’ll know what, deep down, you really preferred.

I’m early 30s, making up for lost time is important to me but honestly I’m Terrified the rug is going to get pulled for me and then if I say yes to one and no to the other, the other will get pulled and I’m just unemployed

How would you feel if the 90 min each way journey became a 3 days a week in office role? Jobs do change over time. I would hate a 90 min commute. However, if its 90 mins nice driving on reasonable roads, I might prefer it over a 30 min drive turning into 90 mins each way due to traffic jams. I'd look at the journeys and travel options carefully.

Don't decide based on how many days in office because that can change. The money isn't a life changing amount and commutes can vary.

Do you want more responsibility and challenge?

OR

Are you happier being part of the machine, less challenge and less on you?

Do you want a new career step up or are you still building up to that?

That's how I would decide.

so the 50k said 2 days in the office is fine.

i don’t know what I want, I feel like I want to make up for lost time career wise and feel successful and be fairly remunerated

Go for this job. It sounds flexible which with children is a priority. Office days are important for getting to know your team and how the organisation works, and the commute isn't impossible.

so the 50k said 2 days in the office is fine.

Great. So take that. It meets your needs and the co sounds good. Look at this way, if you take that, you can always take a step down in future if you need to. If you take the junior role, you may not be able to take a step up so easily.

Honestly, I enjoy working from home, have two young kids, want to progress my career and got badly burned in an old workplace. I think I'd be more tempted by the 50k one, bearing in mind the cultures appear to be similar (as this is the key deciding factor for me alongside opportunities for progression).

I also see the shorter commute, albeit it more times a week, as a benefit because it means you're closer to home if you need to get back in an emergency/sick kid etc. It might turn out you could do two days one week, three the next, or work a couple of hours from home, go in after school drop off, work until school pick up then do a couple more hours from home. You wouldn't have that flexibility with a longer commute.

I totally get where you're coming from with the being badly burned, but I think you need to back yourself. Put yourself in a position where you can succeed, not where you might end up looking down on yourself and feeling smaller than you are (by taking a more junior role). Also there is nothing worse than feeling bored and under-stretched at work. It is soooo soul destroying. Chin up, tits out, take the more senior role, be proud of yourself.

when i spoke to HR they said that the first few weeks are in the office FT, no one mentioned this before. She seemed surprised, could it perhaps not be a thing for my role?

You need to think more long term. What are your aspirations? Which job sets you up better for career progression? Personally I would take the more senior role and look to get promoted, progress further.

Ah ok. So I recently changed companies so I have been through this. You don’t have to hand in your notice until after you have signed your new contract. So as of right now all you need to do is verbally accept and they will send over your contact with T&Cs. Normally this includes generic statements like this is subject to references being provided etc. only after you sign the contact do you hand in your notice. Both parties are legally obligated to continue at that point / sure there is a scenario where companies have acted unethically and provided poor references but it is illegal to do so and you would explain their bad behaviour as your motivation to leave (most HR employees are sympathetic to this)

so really you are at no risk of being unemployed, but what I think you are saying is you are scared of saying yes to company a, and no to company b, and in a few days company a pulls out of the verbal contract before you sign. I think that’s unlikely as it costs companies money recruit and there is clearly a need for your role, so for them to stop recruitment after a few days is highly unlikely. Again, IF this happened, probs not likely you are going to be able to get company b’s offer back, but given you have 2 offers on the table, demonstrates your skills add in demand in a tough job market where most firms have a recruitment freeze so I would back you to find another job. Should you need it

I’m already out of work,left Friday gone I had to walk from my last place as it was just emotionally abusive and I’d got another role, the 50k one and now the 45k one has just come about too

Probably the more senior role

Personally with young kids, commute & only £150 a month extra, I would take the 45k job. An extra £150 a month simply wouldn’t be worth it for me to have to commute 3 days a week plus the costs that are associated with that would quickly eat up that £150, juggle kids timings etc.

This might sound weird, but take the actual job offers out of the mix for a moment.

What do you most enjoy in daily life? Do you love tranquillity, do you prize being able to pick up DC from school? Or do you love feeling connected to the wider world, people watching on the commute, the buzz of interacting with colleagues?

How much energy do you have? Would the more frequent commute drain it, or would being stuck at home day in day out drain it more?

What defines you as a person? Are you career driven and do you have dreams of progressing in your field once your children are older or do you want to earn enough to get by and enjoy a gentler pace and balance? Do you feel personal shame or frustration at the thought of taking the more junior role or is that just concern about what others might think? Are you concerned that financially you will need more money in the future and a higher level role is necessary to achieve that?

I think answering those will help you decide.

Factor in commuter costs! I don't know where you live, but where I am, commuting 3 days a week instead of 1 would wipe out that £150 extra, and then some. Let alone childcare costs.