I’m literally begging you - help

[Hellllppppmmeeee]

wise Mnetters I’m literally begging you to help me decide my life.

would you take a job that paid 50k decent benefits but in the office 3 days a week. More senior position

or

one that paid 45k one day in the office, more jnr position, so a bit of a career back step.

after tax there is £150 a month in it (not factoring commuting costs)

I’ve had a bad experience with work lately and honestly I’m frozen decision wise

A colleague said to me years ago, ‘whichever choice you make, that becomes the right choice.’ I have always tried to frame big decisions in that way. Rarely regretted any decision since that!

The one decision that was wrong, I knew with all my gut feeling it was wrong wrong wrong. I ignored all the red flags. I think unless something is obviously bad, you can make a success out of anything.

( personally think you should take the more senior role, with headroom in the pay grade.)

All depends where you are in life.

I took a step back in responsibility and pay for a job I really enjoy, and wfh (in the office once a month). I was in my late 40s at the time, and it was what I wanted and could do at the time.

I'd been in a senior position, worked in London, New York etc, climbed the corp ladder but then thought I didn't want the stress and hassle any longer.

My wage now is enough for me to live on, and save for my retirement, my work/ life balance is great and when I leave work, I leave work. But if someone had suggested it to me in my 20s or 30s, I'd have laughed and said 'not a chance' as I was far more career driven at the time and wanted the responsibility, money and status

Yes, very dramatic and annoying post title. It's not life and death when there are people who need genuine help on here. also a humble brag I hope you'll not be this dramatic in a senior role

OP have you ever had a long commute? There's a knock on effect to a 90 minute commute that might not be apparent till you've done it for a while, squeezing everything in around it gets more difficult than you might think. Also, if you plan to car share, is it the sort of job where you and your carshare are likely to be able to get off regularly at the same time? Because if you're facing a 90 minute commute you won't want to be waiting another 20 minutes for their emergency.

I took a backstep into a more junior role once.

It was a huge mistake. I was so bored and frustrated. I also ended up working well above my pay grade.....

£45k because I’m no longer ambitious, that’d do me fine, and being at home benefits me/family life/prevents me being exhausted and frees up my time. But that’s me! You do you: the salaries and hybrid amounts aren’t so wildly different that it matters, really, unless three days would mean a seismic change in how you run your life. Look at the roles themselves, and the company culture: what do you want to do all day?

its not life or death but it is a big decision but yes title was dramatic.

it’s not a humble brag to say i left a more snr role over circumstances that nearly broke me, and now I can’t make a decision because I’m so fucking terrified. Nothing to brag about there my friend

I used to do it everyday and it was horrendous but once a week might be better?

car share is just a potential, might work, might not?

My last role, as soon as I got there I got this knot in my stomach I knew sometbing wasn’t right but on paper it made sense, now my confidence is shot to shit

Ah ok. So different situation then - and sure does add to your dilemma and fear of rejecting an offer when you need certainty.

not that is a great practice but can you accept one and ask the other for more time to consider - maybe use an excuse of family emergency ?. Once you have signed your contract, then you can let the other company know you are going with another offer. Not best practice but given you need to secure a job asap I would think it’s ok.

From your responses OP it sounds like you'd prefer the senior role. Is that right?

Three ways to help make a decision:

-Someone puts a gun to your head and said you need to decide in 3-2-1 seconds. Which job do you instinctively think of?

-Which option are you most likely to regret going for?

-Choose heads or tails, flip a coin. Take it seriously. Do you feel disappointed/excited at the result? Use that to help you decide.

I'd go with the more senior role. More development opportunity. Provided 3 days in the office is doable for now, I'd go for it. There may be the potential to adjust number of office days in the future?

I’ve already done it, with the higher paid one, didn’t expect anything else to come on the table tbh so surprised it did

It's standard onboarding procedure to have new starts in for their full working pattern at the beginning.

I’ve never had it before even in my more snr role and that I don’t think I can do due to childcare and dh working away

How do you propose to work in any role without childcare?

Pretend that you picked one of the options.
"I am choosing job A. It is decided."

Does it make you feel good or bad? Happy or anxious?
The feeling you get can guide you.

(Edited post for spelling mistakes).

The first one. You need to make up for lost time and develop you career. Let’s face it, men don’t chose jobs on the basis of how many days in the office, do they ?

They choose on promotion prospects, job content , renumeration package. Even if this 50k job isn’t right for you in the long term, you can use it as a stepping stone to a £60k job that does.

So why are you fussed about giving an answer. Just say yes to one of them and ask for more time on the other as a back up. Contracts normally take a few days to be issued so you if you accept today, you could have a signed contact by end of week but it does mean you picking a job.

honesty, in your situation a job is a job and your bills won’t care who you work for. I’d make a choice this afternoon, personally I’d go for the better paying one even if it’s in the office. Plus you aren’t committing yourself to being there forever. If it’s awful, you can always leave in 12-18 months with little negative prejudice for your next role.

I really really understand why you're struggling.

My last job absolutely wrecked me, my confidence, my motivation, my joy, all gone.

It wasn't me. They were despicable people who had me considering driving into a wall on the way home.

Take the senior job. You are capable of it. Don't thwart your own future by taking a backwards step. Don't let them win. Find yourself again. Trust me.

Perhaps write a list of all the factors that might influence your decision, for example -

Salary
Benefits
Travel time/ease of journey
Travel costs
Impact on family
Job satisfaction
Progression prospects
Culture/people in each (if known)

• then score each out of maybe 3 and see which comes out on top?

OP you sound really stressed and panicky. Are you even in the right state of mind to make a decision? Maybe you need some therapy in order to process what happened in the last job. Perhaps you even have to let these two jobs go and apply again when you are more settled. Because it sounds like you are not able to make a reasoned decision in this mental state.

She didn’t say she was without childcare? Just that full time in the office is impossible due to childcare – which would be reasonable to assume means the commute and hours don’t match up with pickup and drop off times and availability, rather than that there’s no childcare at all.

Toss a coin.

Heads the 50k, tails the 45k

When I am completely unable to make a decision I always flip a coin.

Almost always I immediately know whether I want the coin to be heads or tails.

I have childcare, they are in school with full day wrap twice a week for office days. One of us picks them up and they have quite time at home with us for the rest of the work day which is about an hr