I’m literally begging you - help

[Hellllppppmmeeee]

wise Mnetters I’m literally begging you to help me decide my life.

would you take a job that paid 50k decent benefits but in the office 3 days a week. More senior position

or

one that paid 45k one day in the office, more jnr position, so a bit of a career back step.

after tax there is £150 a month in it (not factoring commuting costs)

I’ve had a bad experience with work lately and honestly I’m frozen decision wise

Take the 50k job it's 5k less you have to negotiate next time you move roles .

I'd go with the less stressful role.

I didn't have 2 offers "on the table" but I have taken a small step back in my career for the min. Although the role I took has evolved with my manager giving me a lot more responsibility than was advertised once she could see I was more than capable for it.

I am mid 30s 1 DC 1 on the way. I WFH and they are really flexible if DS is sent home from nursery sick it's no issue to take AL or just work around him. My job before hand absolutely did terrible things to my MH and I needed something less senior. I think that this will do me for a few years. I might go for more senior roles when DC are well into primary school.

I suppose you need to weigh up what is/ isn't your priority right now. I worked really hard to get a professional qualification and I could be on a lot lot more money than I am. But I think that would make me really unhappy atm.

Your sense of panic is not from having to choose between two great options, it's fear of ending up in another toxic environment based on your recent experience, which is understandable, but you have to put that to one side.

In your situation I would absolutely take the more senior role. If the other one hadn't come along you would have gone for it without question. Clearly your skills are in demand, so if it doesn't work out, you will find something else. Take a breath and make the decision with confidence.

1 day in office would win for me! If you can afford it why not?!

Try this to help you make a decision. It's February 2029 and you've had five years in the lower paid job. If nothing else in your life has changed, what shape are your finances likely to be in? What gains in time or leisure will you have enjoyed? What are your work prospects for the next five years in terms not just of money but work and life choices?

Do the same with the higher paid job. Does having an £8k in savings or your pension fund, or having enjoyed a slightly higher monthly standard of living, or having knocked an extra £8k off your mortgage seem like a worthwhile payoff? What about your prospects for the next five years? What are your work prospects for the next five years: will working at a slightly higher level offer opportunities for advancement, training and moves into other areas?

In your position I'd go for the more senior one. The shorter commute is a bonus.

I think that you're leaning towards the 45k. You mention a number of reasons why the 50k will be difficult.
If your heart was in it, you'd have snapped it up.
I think you want this thread to give you good reasons to turn down the higher offer.

And all of that is OK. It sounds as though you've just come out if an awful situation and it's unsurprising you want a less stressful role for a while so that you can rebuild your confidence. You can step up in a year or two when another senior role becomes available.

The pay off is the slightly lower income and the longer commute.

Hi OP I've read yr updates but niot all replies.

Hope ive undrstood it right, that one of the roles is not formalising. the WFH arrangements?

Cd u ring them and say you need to let yr childcare provider know which days they would need to have yr kids? I.e blame it on fictitious childminder hassling you for details.

What’s your ultimate career goals? Are you wanting to move up the career ladder or sit where you are? Personally I’d take the senior role but I’m quite career driven, I have friends who would likely take the lower position as they’re quite happy to just coast as long as the bills are paid.

There's no way I'd do a 90 mins commute even once a week if I had another option.

Are your childcare options rock solid to allow for the big delays possible with a commute like that?

The commute costs plus any snacks/drinks/lunches you buy will eat up the £150 difference every month most likely.

I'd probably go for the slightly lesser role tbh. My family is my focus, I don't need more work stress frankly.

OP@Hellllppppmmeeee sorry edited as I hadn’t read op properly! If I was faced with moving into higher rate tax band and losing child benefit I would want a senior role that paid more than 50k . What are your career aspirations longer term? The majority of my friends started to drop hours as they went into their later 30’s for a better work -life balance.

That’s exactly what I did, I said to hr that there isn’t space in the wrap around one extra day a week so can I do two office days not 3, it was yeah nbd, so they must say 3 to try and get people in but not hold them to it.

hr did mention the first few weeks in the office when I asked about kit and if anyone had spoken to me about getting a start date agreed. Heard nothing, which the person found odd. I asked if the role had been pulled and they said no

Okay I can't really understand that, in my line of work accepting then pulling out would be viewing very poorly. It would be a black mark against you ever working there in future, so I'd factor that in depending on industry/if you'd be looking to work for that company in future.

Sounds like you need to speak to the line manager to discuss whether there's flexibility in that, e.g. working from the office for the first two weeks but doing shorter days so you can make it home for pickup. At this stage of recruitment it's probably worth their while to agree.

Because it’s just 50 I’m not hit by any more tax, we already don’t get CB so that doesn’t really matter.

i don’t know, I can’t chose, dh has flip flopped he said higher now is saying more flex so that’s confusing me. I will say i always felt a bit ashamed of myself being in a more jnr role, that I was capable of more but never could make it

Hr said theyd get the LM to make contact asap but so far nothing.

yeah pulling out wouldn’t be a good look, but then neither is agreeing terms of employment and then changing them as this was never mentioned before

I would take the 45k job, saving on the commute time and reducing risk of burnout would be priority. When kids are bigger or dh back home I would make a change again.

So who's hassling you for an answer? If it's HR, tell them you can't make the decision until you have terms confirmed. It can't be the line manager, or you'd have been able to ask the question. Are the company/office details available online? Could you be proactive and contact them?

HR but mainly the lower paid one. I’ve tried reaching out and I’ve been able to get through to HR and pass a message but I’ve no contact details for anyone else, basically reached a dead end

Personally , having been in the situation where my husband worked away and where the pressure of time off for kids illness fell on me, I would take the less stressful role…unless your husband can step up equally with taking time off.

He works away 2/4 days a month so majority of the time he’s home

@Hellllppppmmeeee does he do equal childcare to you? The 2 couples I know where the woman has been able to meet her career goals have both had husbands who do this or a greater proportion of child care.

I'd take the 3 days in the office job regardless of salary etc, because 1 day in the office is too little for me. I do like working from home, but 4 days would be too isolating for me, particularly when starting a new role.

I prefer WFH so now the more senior and higher paid job with the shorter commute has said 2 days is ok (will that be contracted or just verbal?) I'd grab it. Don't take a step back while your husband carries on his career unhindered. Plus this one is much closer to home so more practical in that respect in case you need to get back quickly.

It's pretty standard to need to be in FT to learn the ropes for a couple of weeks