To be upset that my "friend" has told me off for getting a disabled person's railcard

328 replies

cottonwoolbrain · 19/02/2024 17:39

... because I'm not in a wheelchair and don't have trouble walking so I don't need one. Oh and apparently I've got a well paid job and she doesn't see why people should have to pay extra to subsidise me.

We went on a trip at the weekend and she saw me using the card and took the opportunity to lecture me - lots of other people on the train were clearly listening and taking it all in.

In fact as she very well knows I have epilepsy with grand mal seizures and absence seizures (effectively brief blackouts) and dyspraxia. Driving is simply not an option as there is a high chance of me killing myself or someone else. Taking the train, taxis, buses all the time is expensive and time consuming. After a seizure I'm usually quite disorientated and confused...

But according to her I should get off my arse and learn to drive

I didn't enjoy the trip and came home and cried... I thought about giving up the card but I've decided to give her up instead.. wish I could give up the epilepsy too

OP posts:

pam290358 · 23/02/2024 07:43

threatmatrix · 21/02/2024 13:59

My mother’s epilepsy has not cost her anything more, I’ve just asked her. I’m not nice for thinking people on good money shouldn’t be claiming anything. Oh dear. Ok you’re right if it will shut you up.

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Is her epilepsy being treated ? If so, that statement isn’t true is it ? Because there will be prescription charges. Oh, wait…………. No, they’re free for people with epilepsy aren’t they ? Or is that another area where you’re so altruistic that you pay for those too ?

TomeTome · 23/02/2024 08:32

Rosscameasdoody · 23/02/2024 07:37

You clearly have no idea what disability benefits or concessions for the disabled are for, because you are obviously in a much better financial position than the vast majority of disabled people if you can afford private schooling and private medical insurance. You have a cushion from the harsh reality most disabled people face on a daily basis. And you are not enabling more money for anything - those benefits are there to mitigate some of the difficulties disabled people face, and the disadvantages at which their disabilities put them. If they are not claimed by those who are entitled, the budgets get reduced and there is actually less funding available as a result.

And the OP is a tax payer herself, as are the thousands of disabled people who use these benefits to fund transport and other necessities so that they can work and pay tax. The benefits they receive back are no different from things like NHS treatment, education, or any other public services.

A disabled persons railcard and other similar concessions have to be purchased. They provide discounted fares and the ability to take a companion such as a carer or someone to keep them safe, which would otherwise be prohibitively expensive. I’m glad your mother hasn’t been too inconvenienced by her condition. But you should keep in mind that that isn’t the case for very many disabled people. And if you haven’t experienced the issues involved then you should consider yourself privileged and not in a position to berate disabled people for taking advantage of benefits and concessions actually meant for them.

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The idea that using private Drs and schools means you aren’t costing the country money is fairly ludicrous. Who on earth do you think trained the medical professionals and teachers you are using? Where will your mother go in an emergency and where does the ambulance that takes her there come from? Who provides the huge exemptions for the “charity status” your schools enjoy? Who bought the mri machines and cat scanners your Drs rent time on or trained the people using them? Where do you fill your prescriptions and why don’t they cost as much as they do in say the US?

Added to this your mother will have made countless accommodations to the limits epilepsy has put on her life. It will have impacted how she exercises, where she lives, and what she does for a living. It will have impacted her choice of partner, how many children she has, and her plans for old age. I think you lack a huge amount of clarity and insight on this subject @threatmatrix . It’s absolutely fine to decide not to receive help but to deny you’ve received any is dishonest and you need to think about the life your mother leads and why she feels pressured to present herself this way.

toomuchfaff · 23/02/2024 15:39

You mislabelled this connection as a friend. Listen to what they are telling you - if it were me, that message would be that this person isn't my friend and i don't really want to associate with them.

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