To be upset that my "friend" has told me off for getting a disabled person's railcard

[cottonwoolbrain]

... because I'm not in a wheelchair and don't have trouble walking so I don't need one. Oh and apparently I've got a well paid job and she doesn't see why people should have to pay extra to subsidise me.

We went on a trip at the weekend and she saw me using the card and took the opportunity to lecture me - lots of other people on the train were clearly listening and taking it all in.

In fact as she very well knows I have epilepsy with grand mal seizures and absence seizures (effectively brief blackouts) and dyspraxia. Driving is simply not an option as there is a high chance of me killing myself or someone else. Taking the train, taxis, buses all the time is expensive and time consuming. After a seizure I'm usually quite disorientated and confused...

But according to her I should get off my arse and learn to drive

I didn't enjoy the trip and came home and cried... I thought about giving up the card but I've decided to give her up instead.. wish I could give up the epilepsy too

God, has she ever seen you having a grand mal seizure? Because if she had, she would never dare to talk such a load of crap.
Excellent decision to give her up, OP, and I'm sorry for what you go through.

Oh what a rubbish friend, make the most of your railcard you are entitled to it!I'd also like to say no one should drive if they don't want to. No one else's business!

Some friend 🙄
Is she jealous of you that you have a mostly invisible Disability?
I have M.S. 20 years but can still walk thankfully.
I have had mostly older people challenge me about parking in a disabled spot.

I have a blue parking badge as I have M.S. I’ve been challenged several times and once shouted at that I wasn’t limping. There are so many ignorant people out there, one being my sister in law, I no longer speak to her.

You didn’t ask to be disabled and would rather you weren’t, just like I’d prefer to be normal, well normal ish 🤪

I believe in karma, one day she’ll get her comeuppance, my sister in law did, serves her right 🤗

She's an idiot.
Does she know how difficult it is to get pip and these cards?
My daughter is never going to be allowed to drive, her travel card has the plus carer sign on it because she needs someone with her
People get arsy with her for sitting in priority seating and get pissed off when she's having motor tics or absences....... Can't bloody win with idiots like your so called friend

Keep using your rail card and hold your head up high

Wow what a bitch. I also have a disabled person’s railcard for an invisible disability and I do worry about being judged for it so the last thing you need is a “friend” doing just that, and in public. Most people are lovely though, and the ticket inspectors often ask if I need any extra help. Well done for ditching the “friend”, that’s easier said than done.

I've been in a car with someone having a seizure whilst driving. Please please don't drive. Find a new friend and enjoy your Railcard. Did you know you can use it to get a discounted Oyster too?

For those asking she didn't get the 1/3 off because she'd already bought her ticket before I arrived at the station (she drove and didn't need to wait for a bus). She didn't realise I had the card until the tickets were checked on the train and I was asked for it. If I'd got tickets at the same time I'd have let her the the discount.

I just couldn't believe it when she started berating me and she just seemed to get louder and louder Thank you to those of you who've shared your experiences, I think all of us would rather have a normally functioning brain / body than a rail card

However in an astonishing development I've just received the following whatsapp "Hi Cottonwoolbrain I'm so sorry about the way I spoke to you on the train, I was mortified when I thought about it later and realised how much I must have upset you. Can I buy you lunch? I can pick you up and drive you home afterwards. I was wrong especially about telling you to drive I know it would be dangerous. I'm so sorry I don't want to lose our friendship over this Love X"

We've been friends for nearly 10 years I don't really want to lose her as until now it's always been a good friendship... I think I'll give her another chance but I'm not sure if it will ever be the same

It’s an olive branch
I’d take it, move on with a bit of caution

Has she seen the thread??

Have the lunch, stay friends.

And thank you for posting this.

I read it and made me decide to finally apply for a blue badge so I can park my car in a disabled bay, I have really needed one for over a decade because of hidden disabilities but I always talk myself out of it.

Last time I filled it all in but did not submit and cancelled it two weeks later but this time I have filled in the forms, paid and have a 3month wait to see if I’m allowed one. Will make my life so much better.

it’s the thought of someone treating me like I’m a fraud that has stopped me all these years.

She must be on Mumsnet and will have seen the thread.

She sounds horrible!
I had free travel when I lost my licence because of epilepsy. I would rather not have epilepsy and be able to drive!
Some people think they should get to decide who is disabled and who is not. Fortunately the law doesn't work like that.

It was blatant jealousy that she was paying full price and you got the discount, people are like that sometimes. Silly cow 🤣 it’s not an attractive trait at all.

I bet she will be hanging about with you now every time she needs to take a train somewhere. I’d not accept the apology personally. Friends don’t berate their friends like that. She’s probably seen the thread.

Her having that point of view is crackpot but talking loudly about it in front of strangers is quite unacceptable. I wouldn't consider this person a friend at all.

@cottonwoolbrain
If somebody berated me in public because of my Epilepsy then they would be gone. If somebody tried shaming me in private (which has happened) they're gone as well. She made you feel upset and worse because you have something you can't control. Don't forget that. Friends don't make you cry or upset AT ALL.

I think that good friends are allowed one fuck up. (Within reason of course).

Nobody’s perfect and if she’s been a good friend and has sincerely apologised, I’d move on.

For sure, use your railcard. My dad has one because his hearing was very poor and he needed to take someone with him who could hear the announcements.
Good job it's not just for people with wheelchairs, so many stations do not have step free access.

Good friends keep their ableist opinions to themselves.

This is the most stupid post ever. If you're a danger on the roads don't drive. There's something missing from this story. Beacause how do two normal people spend the day together, or have a public conversation on a train, without understanding the basic parameters of what is or is not possible.

@TigerRag Good friends would also hopefully understand. I agree that if they have ableist opinions they keep them to themselves. If they want/need to ask anything that would be in private and a conversation or chat. Not shouting and belittling in public or anywhere else for that matter.

can see what her problem is; the card’s not free. It’s not a benefit you had to pay for the card.

@OldPerson I can't see how anything could be missing from these posts myself. OP knew exactly what she could and couldn't do. She can't drive a car and she can get a train. Her "friend" found out about the Disabled Persons Railcard which she then went on to shame OP for having in public. Epilepsy is an invisible illness and "friend" was saying because there was no wheelchair that she should not be allowed one. She also mentioned OP's job etc. Epilepsy is a very serious illness which definitely makes her entitled to Disabled Persons Railcard.

@OldPerson How is this a stupid thread? Nobody with Epilepsy drives. It’s not possible until a year free from seizures. OP did state that she doesn’t and can’t drive. It’s the “friend” that was getting all facts wrong and upsetting OP.

What an absolute bitch!

I'm so sorry, @cottonwoolbrain cobditions like uours are exactly what these rail cards are for.

Completely agree, keep the card ditch the frenemy.

My friend was challenged with (not kidding)
"You don't look disabled"

She replied "and you don't look like a doctor..."

I've been waiting to be challenged so I can use that line!