How would you feel if your DP takes cocaine?

[serexcited]

If they do, how do you feel? If they don't, how do you think you would feel if they did?

My DP takes coke when he's on a night out / drinking alcohol. I've caught him a few times taking it even when sober. I knew this when I first met him, I didn't mind. A few months into the relationship it made me uncomfortable. Years later, we have a beautiful baby. I find it disgusting. I hate it so much. He says "all of my friends do it, everyone does it nowadays" which where I live is actually true. It makes me sad to be honest. He cannot go on a night out without it. We planned a very last minute outing on Saturday, as my mum offered to watch baby for the night. As soon as I said to him about a night out there he was on his phone texting to get coke. We've had so many arguments about this. I don't want to be in a relationship with a man that takes coke. I don't want my baby's father to take coke. I cannot control him . I've told him already it's coming very soon where I'm going to give him the option of me and baby or coke. It's annoying me now.

when we come home after a night out he lays staring at the ceiling because the coke doesn't allow him to sleep. When the bag is coming to an end, he acts an animal and licks the bag inside out. I REFUSE to kiss him because he puts the coke around his gums and I can literally taste it.

I know this is partly my fault because I knew he took it when I got with him.

AIBU? should I just let him work away and pretend I don't know he has it. How would you feel?

I wouldn't ever be with someone who takes drugs

He clearly is dependent on it to have a drink/ night out, or maybe even he could be doing it more often on his own, like you said, when sober.
I used to use coke on weekends when in my 20s, purely to stay awake and have a laugh while being able to drink. It can lead to serious issues. Even psychosis. it is not physically addictive, so he won't withdraw in a graphic physical way like you can with other things. Can you ask him if he feels like he can quit, for the sake of you and him and the child? If he at least attempts to then that's positive. The problem is often he/people sees it as recreational. It's a deal breaker for you clearly so you need to have a serious chat. Would he consider NA? It could be linked to his alcohol use a lot of the time too so AA/NA may be positive. You don't have to use every single day to be an addict. It's free and it's a start.

I dumped an ex who I really loved because of his coke habit.

Aside from anything else, it just made him so BORING! No regrets

Nah...he would be out. Coke makes people act like dicks.

I would accept it and frankly think less of anyone staying with someone who did it.

The whole thing is sordid, disgusting and exploitative. It also involves contact with some seriously dangerous people. Like hell would I ever have someone in my life who does this. No child of mine will grow up in a house with a drug user.

Please get your standards off the floor and protect your child.

I recently found out whilst she was helping me decorate that my sister (26f) and mother of 2 has tried it recently. I was completely mortified and told her my opinion. If you do it it's gross but that's your choice, but if you do it and have children that's not ok, at all!

He would be an Ex...

For me it’s a tough No. I think it’s a little harder because you’ve moved the goalposts, but I don’t think you are at all unreasonable for requiring that he sorts himself out or fucks off

I live in a nice area (apparently the fourth least deprived district in England). I don't know a single person who takes drugs or would tolerate it at all. Just like I don't know a single person who shoplifts, or defrauds elderly people, or steals cars. Clearly some people do however, as there are occasional reports in the local paper of county lines activities or arrests. Even in areas where the majority of people are decent, law-abiding folk, there will always be criminals.

Preferring to stay home if he couldn't get hold of any indicates addiction OP.

No ultimatum will work either, I fear the coke would win everytime, sadly.

It would have been a no from me when I first found out about it pre marriage and children.

Awful to continue when you have DC.

Single.

(and while everyone is moralising on drug use, most of you drink alcohol & that causes more problems at a societal level than anything else - bar none. So get off your high horses) and this!!!

I've dabbled with party drugs and cannabis through my teens up until I was early 30s when I had dc1. And, then a couple times more on girls weekends away.

I would never need a drug or substance to have a good time. I rarely ever drink either. I can go months and months without one. It's just not needed.

I don't have an issue with drugs. And yes there are loads of ethical issues around drugs. But there's also issues around sugar, chocolate, diamonds, Bananas, fashion, animal products/leather etc

You went into the relationship knowing what he was like. Unfortunately, he's unlikely to change and most likely will get worse. Time to cut and run. Save your sanity

I do not know, and never have done, a single person who takes cocaine. Perhaps I'm old, or don't move in those circles.

It would be an absolute deal breaker for me. It's sordid, seedy and I cannot understand why anyone would touch the stuff.

It's the kind of thing that didn't bother me in my early twenties, I was no angel myself, but none of those were men I would've lived with let alone had a child with or got married to. DH quit smoking before we got married using 0 nicotine vapes which he quit before TTC. So it's not something I'm interested in having as part of family life.

Hard no. Its too big a risk of spiralling into worse.

Not everyone does coke where you live. How would you know unless you moved in those circles ? I'm not aware of anyone i know being a coke head. I detest dtugs.

Ooo yes, I bet there are a lot of typing fingers wearing diamonds & gold here without a second thought to the conditions miners have to endure

You don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy that takes coke, yet you knew he did it when you met him🧐🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

No seriously, where I live coke is extremely common. I don't know one of dp friends who don't take it. All of my friends take it when they drink. Funny enough , that's actually what my dp said to me, "why do you care if I take it but not your friends" none of my business when my friends take it, they know I don't like it and they respect it. the 14 year olds in my area take it. My work colleagues take it. I seem to be the only person that's like this is just disgusting , why is it so common ?????

Obviously not everyone. Majority people I know do

The chain of misery and exploitation that connects the production and supply is execrable. Just so he can be like some sewer-dwelling lab rat in search of the next feel-good button to push.

I couldn't be with someone that stupid, shallow and oblivious.

When people's DC do it don't they begrudgingly accept it as part of being young and "you can't stop them"?

One of the reasons I divorced my XH is because he used much less serious drugs than cocaine when he was enjoying a night out.

i would have do whatever you can to minimize the amount of time your child spends with the father. I’m the child of an addict and I wouldn’t trust him at all.