How would you feel if your DP takes cocaine?

[serexcited]

If they do, how do you feel? If they don't, how do you think you would feel if they did?

My DP takes coke when he's on a night out / drinking alcohol. I've caught him a few times taking it even when sober. I knew this when I first met him, I didn't mind. A few months into the relationship it made me uncomfortable. Years later, we have a beautiful baby. I find it disgusting. I hate it so much. He says "all of my friends do it, everyone does it nowadays" which where I live is actually true. It makes me sad to be honest. He cannot go on a night out without it. We planned a very last minute outing on Saturday, as my mum offered to watch baby for the night. As soon as I said to him about a night out there he was on his phone texting to get coke. We've had so many arguments about this. I don't want to be in a relationship with a man that takes coke. I don't want my baby's father to take coke. I cannot control him . I've told him already it's coming very soon where I'm going to give him the option of me and baby or coke. It's annoying me now.

when we come home after a night out he lays staring at the ceiling because the coke doesn't allow him to sleep. When the bag is coming to an end, he acts an animal and licks the bag inside out. I REFUSE to kiss him because he puts the coke around his gums and I can literally taste it.

I know this is partly my fault because I knew he took it when I got with him.

AIBU? should I just let him work away and pretend I don't know he has it. How would you feel?

I’m with you, OP. I left my ex five months into dating him when I found out he took coke etc. I wouldn’t have continued to see him because I find everything about it unsavoury.

I wouldn't be happy with this situation and I'm not at all against drugs but not even being able to go on a night out with his partner who doesnt do it without getting a bag in ?

Personally I won't be with someone that smokes, vapes, drinks excessively regularly, gambles regularly, uses strip clubs or takes illegal drugs.

I'm quite happy being a single parent without any of those dramas in my life. Not everyone is happy on their own though.

I wouldn't care unless it was a problem and impacting either his behaviour or our finances. Occasional use with friends wouldn't bother me anymore then him going out and having a drink would. Like wise I wouldn't be impressed if my partner tried to control what substances I put in my body when I'm with my friends asking as I wasn't behaving badly or dropping my responsibilities of rinsing out finances.

To me this is a frequency thing. Is he using frequently, like every weekend or more? Or I he using occasionally.

How often does he go out drinking? If he is going out drinking all the time and taking coke that would be a problem, but if it's just a once or at a push twice a month I think you are unreasonable, on the basis that you knew he did this when you got with him, and insisting now after the fact you don't like it isn't really fair. If recreational coke use was a big problem for you why get with someone who recreationally takes coke? It's fine to not like it, so why get with someone who does?

If however he is going out drinking all the time and therefore taking it all the time and dropping his responsibilities as a result, or you are struggling financially as a results or you having to deal with him being a sketch all the time then that would a problem that needs addressing.

So to me this an extent of the frequency of use issue. That said if it repulses you end the relationship, but I don't think it's ok to say "me or the baby" aslong as again he is an occasional user and wouldn't be ok using cocaine around the child.

Also he really shouldn't be rubbing it into his gums, he'll fuck his teeth but that's another issue.

I'd be out. No chances. It's my line, all drugs are.

Coke addiction is horrific, it will ruin your life as well as his if you stick around. Sorry OP, but you deserve better. And I say that as someone who experimented with other things when younger - although always thought coke was for knobheads after seeing its effects up close. Even more pathetic to take it if you're a parent and I would lose all respect for my DH if he did.

Excuse the pun, totally unintended 🤣

I would hate it and I wouldn’t want him looking after our child when he got home. I know lots of people have tried it when young but that should be in the past now. Regular cocaine uses hardens the arteries, so it’s a selfish choice as well, if you’re a parent.

Best of luck OP you’re doing the right thing in splitting up ❤

I really feel for you . How would I feel if it was me ?I'd probably be feeling like you do . Hating it , angry , hurt , betrayed , inadequate . You most probably also feel stuck , and hopeful that he will change his ways . I'm guessing right now that you feel deflated , exhausted with the arguments , exhausted emotionally mentally and all while looking after a little one too . You will decide what action to take when you are ready and the time is right . He may change his ways , he may not , he may even want or need your support if he wants to pack it in . He would have to reevaluate his lifestyle though , would be no good having connections and interacting socially with his friends if they are all doing the same . It was very brave of you to reach out . It's not an easy topic to be open with and comes with judgment. Don't feel down about some comments , so yeah you had a baby with him , things happen , some people grow up with the responsibility that brings some people don't and you are not responsible for his choosing . I had a friend who was in the same situation . Her partner wasn't a bad dad , he was actually awesome when he wasn't out on his weekend benders , and she loved him so so much . He did eventually grow out of it . But it used to be to be heartbreaking seeing what it was doing to her , she just wanted her and their kids to be enough . Keep your head up , you are doing great and you will know where to go with the situation at the right time . Just know that you don't have to feel like this . Maybe see if there any online support organisations for people in your situation , maybe someone to just talk too . I know 100% there will be many others in this boat going through the same as you .

I would leave them. I have no time for the users of illegal drugs - particularly ones the purchase of which directly funds knife crime and child exploitation at home, and mass murders and wars abroad.

My parter can only tolerate drinking if he does a few lines. I don't mean 2/3 drinks I mean a proper night out and that only happens 1/2 nights a year. I can deal with that, but if he was a proper addict and it was affecting mine and my family's life he'd be gone. I know people who can't function at work with out it and do it as soon as they open their eyes. That would be a no no for me and I would be out. I tried it once years ago and didn't like it. Same with weed, drugs just seem to knock me out for some reason.

Of course. And next year you'll be telling him the time is coming soon, and the year after, and the year after....

Can someone please give examples of places and social circles where cochineal use is the norm and acceptable? I've heard of bankers and aristocrats, but which others?

For me, weed is a line too far. So I'm not even going to go into what I think of cocaine.

OP, if your story is true, you have my sympathies. It's just that I'm having trouble believing that someone would knowingly date and live with a coke user. Don't you have enough troubles from life without throwing yourself into this nightmare?

well he wouldn't be my D and he wouldn't be my P.

Cocaine is a nasty drug. Zero tolerance from me

The game where someone says something and the rest have to figure out if what has been said is bs or true.

All my friends' partners are the same. How would I feel about it? I'd feel like they are going to get to about 45 then start dropping like flies.

Cocaine not Cochineal (whatever that is).

Unfortunately this 👆

I'd be single. I wouldn't be with anyone who does drugs.

Occasional use no issue as long as it doesn't impact on me
Addictive behaviour massive no no

If you're snorting red food colouring then I suspect you might have a far more serious problem.

Where do you live that they dont?
I live in a very naiiice area. Almost everyone i know takes coke from time to time

I like how they are always really great dads too. Some women have seriously low standards in life.

@Annime you're weird. Why would I make this up? Bit of a strange story to just make up