How would you feel if your DP takes cocaine?

[serexcited]

If they do, how do you feel? If they don't, how do you think you would feel if they did?

My DP takes coke when he's on a night out / drinking alcohol. I've caught him a few times taking it even when sober. I knew this when I first met him, I didn't mind. A few months into the relationship it made me uncomfortable. Years later, we have a beautiful baby. I find it disgusting. I hate it so much. He says "all of my friends do it, everyone does it nowadays" which where I live is actually true. It makes me sad to be honest. He cannot go on a night out without it. We planned a very last minute outing on Saturday, as my mum offered to watch baby for the night. As soon as I said to him about a night out there he was on his phone texting to get coke. We've had so many arguments about this. I don't want to be in a relationship with a man that takes coke. I don't want my baby's father to take coke. I cannot control him . I've told him already it's coming very soon where I'm going to give him the option of me and baby or coke. It's annoying me now.

when we come home after a night out he lays staring at the ceiling because the coke doesn't allow him to sleep. When the bag is coming to an end, he acts an animal and licks the bag inside out. I REFUSE to kiss him because he puts the coke around his gums and I can literally taste it.

I know this is partly my fault because I knew he took it when I got with him.

AIBU? should I just let him work away and pretend I don't know he has it. How would you feel?

How much does it cost? Can he afford it? Faced with the choice of the drug or you you know which he wI'll choose.

Please don’t stay my daughters dad had a cocaine addiction as do many of my friends( I myself have done it before children) and it honestly destroys people I have had to grief my best friend who has two kids (she’s not dead but she’s not the same) and my daughters dad due to this drug. It can be fun at first but it ruins people and it’s not just the night out it’s come downs it’s the impulsivity on it as well means cheating is way more likely it’s generally not worth it. Also it’s so expensive £60 - £80 a gram most people on it are in debts and it makes men horny so cheating is like almost will happen. I did it if litreally makes you feel more awear of your surroundings but unfortunately you normally act impulsively spend money texts and see people you wouldn’t

All of whom would prob lose their job if tested and were positive. It's a Class A drug

A little harsh. The op was younger when she met her DP and didn't have a child. Now she has a child, her perspective will understandably be totally different. I am not naive and understand that cocaine use is sadly commonplace but I am surprised it is so ubiquitous where the op lives.

This completely. Ignoring the issues doesnt mean there are no issues.

The thing here is that op’s partner cannot go out without it. He was prepared to let op down if he couldn't get any. He has a problem which is causing problems.

so no matter what your opinion of drug use is, op’s partner is addicted to the behaviour that adds other problems for her and her child.

I'm glad you writing out the longer post that you deleted has helped you see what you need to see.

The guy I'm seeing uses coke 3-4 times a year when he's with one friend. In their social circle, it's the done thing and what everyone does on a particular type of night out. His choice. I don't have a child with him nor live with him.

The fact your STBXP needed to get some coke for a night out with you is the part you need to focus on when you leave him. He isn't going to change. He knows how you feel about it. And yet he still did this. He's an addict and he isn't going to change.

Sending you strength.

In London it’s pretty much the norm amongst young people.

There’s a big difference between taking Coke on a rare, special occasion vs taking it every time you go out.

Do you think he’s becoming addicted?

Its also ok to grow and change your opinion on things.

I’m sure many of us used to get very drunk when we went out but as we get older that becomes an ick if a partner was going out and getting wasted regularly.
This is no different.

I have many friends who take Coke in a similar way to your DP.
I’ve also been in relationships with men who take it, even though I’ve never done it myself.

But I wouldn’t be in a relationship now with someone who did coke, especially regularly.
I don’t think it’s even the drug, it’s the fact that they have a vice that they depend on to have a good time which gives me the ick.

Really? It's the norm for young people in London to do coke? How very depressing, if that's true. Thank god I live somewhere more civilised!

It may be the norm but it shouldn't be I agree.

No, it’s gross. I’d find it a total turn off. He needs to grow up.

It made me feel depressed too. And glad my kids decided not to live there after university. But among their friends who live there it’s pretty standard.

He doesn't need an ultimatum @serexcited , you need to just leave him/kick him out. He's a DRUG ADDICT. You have a responsibility to your child to protect them from harm, failing to do that could have serious consequences for you.

Personally, I'd have never started a relationship with a drug user in the first place. I detest the drug taking culture. I've never even taken an E, nothing. I don't drink alcohol either, although did when I was a teenager.

Taking drugs is repugnant.

He would immediately become ex dh

I’m not sure I would have got involved at the start as I feel that heavy drugs are outside of my boundaries. Having said that when DP and I got together he smoked weed and would get wasted with his mates, which I wasn’t a fan of. He’s matured with our relationship though and it gradually became less and less to the point he no longer smokes.

Your DP needs to grow up and accept that he has dependents, a partner and DC that need him to be around. If he can’t separate himself from the drug scene then I’d suggest you separate from him.

Have you thought about the money he must be wasting on it, money that should be for family, that would really hurt me.

You probably do.

It's just your friends/acquaintances/family/ colleagues haven't told you they take a line or two, as you'll have made it clear through the years just how sordid and seedy you find it.

My eyes became opened to just how many people around me took coke when I began moving in a different social circle in my mid 40s. Coke use was suddenly common parlance in discussions and my eyes were opened to how many occasional users there were my age.

Well if that is true it certainly puts a different spin on the too many coffees and avocado toast etc that young people are often criticised for!

I wouldn't accept it in a partner from the beginning.

However, if I picked it knowingly, I wouldn't break up my child's home over it. Holier than thou to make it a deal-breaker now, and you either deprive your child of a father or you send him to a coke-taker without supervision.

Horse and door and bolted indeed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-63470991.amp

Probably best to get on with your life without him. Unlikely he will stop tbh.

What a catch!

I'd be sad to lose my partner, because I like him an awful lot. But I wouldn't touch a cokehead with a ten foot pole, so he'd be an ex within a day.

I hate to say it but you are in for a long hard road. I have known so many women with your same situation. Unfortunately you can't expect him to change because you've had a baby. For some reason women do but men just don't. He is an addict, it may not feel like it because he doesn't do it every day but he is. It will get worse. Unless he sees the problem and wants to give up there is no changing him. I'd get an exit plan together if I was you.