How would you feel if your DP takes cocaine?

[serexcited]

If they do, how do you feel? If they don't, how do you think you would feel if they did?

My DP takes coke when he's on a night out / drinking alcohol. I've caught him a few times taking it even when sober. I knew this when I first met him, I didn't mind. A few months into the relationship it made me uncomfortable. Years later, we have a beautiful baby. I find it disgusting. I hate it so much. He says "all of my friends do it, everyone does it nowadays" which where I live is actually true. It makes me sad to be honest. He cannot go on a night out without it. We planned a very last minute outing on Saturday, as my mum offered to watch baby for the night. As soon as I said to him about a night out there he was on his phone texting to get coke. We've had so many arguments about this. I don't want to be in a relationship with a man that takes coke. I don't want my baby's father to take coke. I cannot control him . I've told him already it's coming very soon where I'm going to give him the option of me and baby or coke. It's annoying me now.

when we come home after a night out he lays staring at the ceiling because the coke doesn't allow him to sleep. When the bag is coming to an end, he acts an animal and licks the bag inside out. I REFUSE to kiss him because he puts the coke around his gums and I can literally taste it.

I know this is partly my fault because I knew he took it when I got with him.

AIBU? should I just let him work away and pretend I don't know he has it. How would you feel?

Reading comprehension not your strong suit huh? I clearly said illegal substances, I suspect I've hit a nerve with you.

And FYI, growing a cannabis plant in your living room is still illegal..

I work in a job where I see first hand the effect on victims of the drugs trade, children exploited and abused because the neighbour down the road wants to smoke "a bit of weed"........so I stand by my statement on the moral compass being lacking in every single person who uses an ILLEGAL substance.

Why are you limiting your outrage and judgement at illegal substances? What about the multitude of legal substances and legal trades which cause pain, suffering, death in some cases? Animals skinned alive for fur? Miners working to the bone and searched in and out when mining for diamonds to get a pittance, injuries, to die down the mines for you to have your pretty wedding ring? Do you eat chocolate? Do you make SURE it's fair trade? The clothes you wear, I presume you are absolutely certain they weren't made in a factory by a child under the age of 10? And you certainly don't buy anything made in china do you, where there are kidnapped actual slaves being racially segregated and forced to work to build or make whatever little trinkets you fancy? If you're going to tar entire groups with extreme variables that really deserve individual assessment, with the same brush, then why do legal but morally bankrupt things such as the above escape your judgement? I mean, I'm assuming they do.. because you have emphasised the word illegal more than once as if that is your baseline for determining who has morals and who doesn't.

I live in the real world so I actually see the things you tout to know so much about first hand, and weed often comes from someone's house, or grown in a defunct warehouse, with a couple lines in the supply chain before reaching a customer. But yes correct, it's ILLEGAL!! The supply chain there is a lot less moral bankrupt than what is probably sitting on your fingers whilst you type that message. The county lines are usually used for selling crack heroin and other harder drugs, sometimes weed. But you conflate substances of varying harm and varying suffering in the supply chain as all entirely as immoral as each other. It's called nuance. I'm also going to assume the second weed is legalised or decriminalised which it likely will be in the next decade, that it immediately becomes ok to you - because it's LEGAL. Even if just decriminalised and the supply chain stays roughly the same?

Like I said, I'd love to root around your house and see what you have laying around. Wardrobe, cupboards, fingers, the lot. I'm sure you have absolutely nothing laying around of questionable descent. All the best!

Please take this on board OP.
My STBXH developed a dependancy on cocaine and I had to make him leave, because he was making my life unbearable and was cheating on me. He had become a pathological liar and all the trust was destroyed. His moral compass is now completely broken as he has apparently become involved in other crime as well.
Your P says he won't go on a night out if he can't get any coke, which indicates he's developed a dependency on it, so you cannot trust any promises he makes to stop now. My STBX said he was giving it up too, even went to the GP but it was an empty promise, just addicts cant! You need to put your child and yourself first, as he will put cocaine before the 2 of you now. He may well cheat too, as cocaine makes users impatient for sex and increases risk-taking behaviour, especially if combined with alcohol.
I'm so sorry OP, it's a horrible drug and it makes monsters of selfishness, deceit and treachery out of those who become fond of it!

You are making yourself sound more ridiculous by the second.

I'll talk slowly though, so you can try to comprehend. This...post...is....about ILLEGAL....substances.....not.....about.....legal.....substances........thereby.....your......argument.....is.......absurd!

They do....
Some.of them

Unless you only have a tiny circle

It's illegal and fuels organised crime gangs and child exploitation. Get rid before he ruins your life and that of your child.

I've dated two cokeheads. One was unstable and the other use to steal from me
Never date someone who takes any drugs again

Gosh, I didn't know you knew my friends better than I know my friends!

How do you know them?

@EdgeOfACoin isn't it frustrating when posters like @Maddy70 insists that everyone uses cocaine?

It says more about her and her circle of friends IMO.
Nearly all of our friends are retired (old gimmer here), and we have had conversations about drugs, and I can honestly say that none of my close friends use cocaine. I know people who do or have done, but they aren't my friends

I ‘m pretty easy going but there’s no chance that I could stand that and I wouldn’t want my baby growing up in that sort of environment. Absolutely no way.

I once dated someone, text him from work and he told me he was doing coke, I never text him or saw him again!
I’d never date someone knowing they were a coke head… even more irresponsible now he has a child.

I'd hate it, I find recreational drug users to be a bit weak minded and I don't like how personalities change when someone is on drugs. I wouldn't have continued a relationship with DH if he'd been using drugs before we got married, and definitely not had dc with him.

Your dh takes it, your friends take it , your work colleagues take it?

why do you hang out with so many drug users, people who condone and keep afloat the misery of the illegal drug supply chain ? I would have binned the lot of them years ago, certainly before having dc with them.

To him, cocaine and is more important than you, it is more important than your child.

it is not normal unless you choose to hang out in those circles. It is something that rarely come up in my life because no one I know does illegal drugs. If they do they are at least ashamed enough that they don’t talk about it as if it is ok.

bring your child up in that environment, where they know you condone it by mixing with people who do it, or don’t and stop hanging out with drug users, your choice.

That is what happens when somebody loses the argument - they ignore every point and question directed to them. The post can be about whatever it is about, but the comment I was replying said any person who takes any illegal substance has zero morals whatsoever. What I'm doing is, questioning YOUR morals, and if they end at "well in the laws eyes it's ok so it's ok" - which is quite naive and lacks logic. Plenty of pain, suffering, death, etc go alongside things you likely use that are perfectly legal. But I thought you said you don't associate with anybody with bankrupt morals? I'm sure you do darling (if bankrupt morals means enjoying things that involve some level of suffering somewhere in their supply chain - your definition above). I'm actually certain you use things which come from questionable sources. Enjoy hypocracy. If anybody needs things slowed down for them, it's definitely you - thinking, debating, and chaining together a discussion directly related to your own comment doesn't seem within your scope of ability.

I would hate it and consider him a participant in modern slavery, apart from the obvious concerns.

There is a bench mark about alcohol... If you can't have a good time or relax without it you have an alcohol problem.

I would say it's the same for drug use.

The lamest reason is "all my friends do it". Is he 11? Clearly he needs to find new friends then or get an identity that isn't enmeshed with others.

Your inability to comprehend the purpose of the OP post is not my problem, and I don't have to justify to you why I am focusing on the ACTUAL point of the OP dilemma rather than trying to derail it.

Post on a forum on the internet - question asked - answer it. It's pretty simple. You're evading very easy to answer questions which would illustrate where your morals lay. So I will giggle to myself at your statement that you don't "associate" with "morally bankrupt" people. (Ps. By your definition of human trafficking, slavery etc, you definitely do). Tata now

Giggle?

That explains it, you're 12.

I said some of them....

They clearly aren't going to tell you as they know your views. But i doubt you are their only friends

You honestly think you never mix with someone who uses coke at least occasionally?

Ive tried it a few times . Not a fan. Dont touch it now but I bet my friends have no idea

You honestly think you never mix with someone who uses coke at least occasionally?

I'm sure I do, but I am talking about close friends and family - ie people I know well enough to have had this kind of conversation with, not general aquaintances or people I don't know well (sigh).

I won't see 60 again, and most of my friends are retired. They just don't lead this kind of lifestyle, and when we were in our 20s cocaine was too expensive.

None of my close friends or colleagues do. My colleagues would lose their jobs if they were found to be using it, which I personally think is as it should be. I don't think anyone should be normalising using drugs like cocaine.

None of my family and friends do. It's just not our scene. Can't speak for my wider circle like colleagues but nobody I spend time with socially uses coke.

Yes, we have a small circle.
And you need better friends @Maddy70.

We are all way beyond wanting to stay up all night. Our lifestyle is clearly very different to that of your friends. For us an evening out is an early evening meal or the very occasional birthday party. The last few have been 65th and 70th birthday parties.

We live the high life at our age .

Thinking about it I reckon it is an age/generation thing as well.

Most of the people I know who use it are professionals who would lose their jobs if they were found. One actually did lose their job .