Going on hen do but not invited to main wedding

[SantasComingToTown]

Opinions please as I feel a bit put out….

As the title suggests I’m going on a hen do but my husband and I aren’t invited to the wedding, just the evening reception.

The hen is 3 days and has cost me £200. The Wedding was planned well before the hen do started to be arranged, but the bride (family) is very secretive so wouldn’t share the date or venue etc with anyone until the invites came out. We talk really regularly and the conversation for well over the last year has mainly been wedding based. I know she is having 80 people all day (more in the evening) so I wouldn’t say it’s a small wedding. She has also asked me to make loads of wedding signs and bits for her which I was happy to do (presuming I would be bringing them down with me to the wedding).

Now the invites have come through, we are only invited to the evening reception. We live 200 miles away and have a baby (wedding is baby free), it’s also on a weekday and both my husband and work the day of and the day after the wedding, so it’s going to be no mean feat to get there for what will be a few hours in reality.

AIBU to feel a bit put out about this? Why would you invite someone to your expensive hen do and then not even give the courtesy of a day time invite, especially when you know how far away they live. I would understand if they wedding was really small (30/40 people) but it’s not.

For context, we had the same size wedding and they were invited all day because we appreciated how long it was going to take them to get there and she also came on my hen do.

Have you even read the thread? She’s close family to the bride. Both families have about 15 people in total. So really number isn’t the issue here

@SantasComingToTown any updates?

i think it’s a cheek personally i wouldn’t go

@SantasComingToTown did you decide to decline the invitation? And did you make all the signs?!

Some
freind the bride is. How unkind of her. Unfriend her immediately !! She clearly has a pretty low opinion of you. Sorry she’s been like this x

We had about 68/69 people at our wedding, all family or close friends / family friends. Church (the one Princess Beatrice got married in), recepton (the dinner) in a hotel banquet room in Windsor & dance / band after (the did jazz classics sort of stuff). No one was invited to only one bit, wedding party & very close family had rooms in hotel, cost about 12.5k total including dress, rings & paying for the church (our parents paid about 12k or so of that) ...hen do, 2 close friends came, my mum, aunt, her 2 daughters & me & my 2 sisters, spa day with afternoon tea in day & meal at a restaurant in evening, so around 9 of us, not really a drinking / magaluff style affair. Whole thing was lovely & people talked about the people they met for years afterwards (our table planning was inspired eg a friend teacher, with engineer partner on table with my uncle (an engineer), my aunt & my cousin (a teacher). But this was 2005 & people were fairly normal then, social media wasn't really a thing.

we only had 7 at hen-do meal too, 2 of the whole 9 were younger (17/18) & didn't really want to come out with us.

I've been to at least one hen do I can think of where I was only invited to the evening do of the wedding and tbh it didn't bother me. I was happy to go to the hen do and was happy to go to the wedding evening to. Yes it would be better to be invited to the day as well but lots of people have restrictions on numbers. It's really not the end of the world.

You don't have to go to the hen do or the wedding reception if you don't want to.

Could you put up what you have made already on Etsy or EBay and when she asks about them direct her to the site and if she wants other stuff doing make sure you profit enough to cover your time and the £100 you have lost on the hen do

Personally I wouldn’t be going to any part of the wedding or hen do. She has made her feelings clear on where you stand (someone she can make a profit off)