I lent a man money, now he's treating me like crap

[villainorigin]

I'm not concerned he won't pay me back. That part isn't an issue. I know him well and I know all his friends and family,

However, he was all sweetness and light up and keeping in touch many times a day up to the point where he asked to borrow it. I said yes. Since then he's treated me like an after thought. Barely in touch, business-only when we do talk, etc.

I need to do/say SOMETHING about this behaviour as it's outrageous and I don't want to tolerate being treated so badly.

I didn't actually give him money, I bought something on his behalf that I could still cancel, and extreme end of the scale is to cancel it and tell him to go F himself, but we know a lot of the same people and it would be complicated.

I need a more reasonable way to not look like a complete walkover here. I don't want to just let it lie.

If anyone has any advice on what I could say to him to make him know I've clocked into his game, I'd be really grateful.

(Please please don't use the thread to berate me for lending him money etc, that part I have now worked out for myself! Getting it back isn't my worry. My self respect and having him think I haven't noticed, is my worry!)

A user ! Cancel it and block him .

@villainorigin I’m amazed you’re even asking. It’s obvious. He’s used you and is taking the piss. Don’t let him. Cancel it immediately and then block the cheeky CF.

What a cheeky little shit bag he is. Nothing else for it CANCEL! And tell him to go fuck himself, the using arsehole. I’m furious just reading that 😂

This is £300. Look at it as sunk funds. Do not spend anymore on this ponce. Hopefully you'll get it back 🤞🏼

Some of these men are professional takers !

I’m one of those who couldn’t care less what people think - more so the older I get. It’s a great place to be. 🤣

OP, I’ve not read the whole thread yet, so might just repeat what others pointed out already, but anyone who’d buy that narrative you’re worried about him spinning isn’t your friend, either, sadly.

He won’t pay you back.
I'm in the same position with someone I’ve been dating, I bought something for him that he needed badly for work, he’s now treating me like shit. I since found out that he’s always owing money to people and that his last partner was paying his phone bill for him (probably other things too). I’m not sure why I thought dating someone who’s completely skint all the time would be a good idea.

As others have said, cancel the service even if you only get 30% back, it’s better than nothing and it might teach him a lesson. If you are friends with his friend just tell them the truth, he’s treating you like shit so you stoped the service and dumped him. Don’t let him treat you like crap.

Definitely. Then break off the relationship and block him. He's a CF.

Definitely cancel

You could ask him to sign a Promissory note. You can download a template for free from various sites. This formalises the arrangement and can be used in a legal claim if necessary. It’s better to do it before making the loan really but if he is reluctant to sign it, it may give you a clue as to his intention and then you could decide to cancel and get the third back now rather than lose the lot.

Cancel. Horrible man

I bought something on his behalf that I could still cancel, and extreme end of the scale is to cancel it and tell him to go F himself, but we know a lot of the same people and it would be complicated

It's not complicated. He's rude and ungrateful. Cancel your purchase and stop worrying about what 'people' will think its a ridiculous way to live

If you're normally this passive he'll be very aware of it hence why he approached you to buy him something and is now openly showing you that he doesn't respect you.

Cancel it immediately! If he asks, your card was declined. Do not give him anything. Presuming you've got kids. Any man who takes from a single parent is a scum bag. Get rid, you're being used. Sorry hun x

Tell him to go F himself. No one needs 'friends' like this.. cancel anything you may have bought him and block him on everything. Why you are even asking this is beyond me. If anyone asks its private not their business. Unless of course he says anything out of order. Wondering if you were expecting something more from this, romantically? Just dump this relationship he is obviously using your good nature.

Is it something you can transfer to your own name instead? Would you be able to get any use from it?

This, 100%.
Goodbye to bad rubbish OP xx

Don't block him as suggested. We are not children. Ask him straight out why he avoiding giving you the money back. He might not have it and be embarrassed. Or his overheads might be out his expense. I am going to say if you are not communicating these things together. You take Ur self have a long chill and make a choice to fine a man that will concentrate all his truth on u. X

If your not bothered about the money and your casually dating I don't get the issue. Are you just upset he's become more distant? I mean did you discuss him paying you back. I understand it's a new thing with lots of friend etc but if you can't even talk to him about it. I cancelling it seems a bit petty maybe he's struggling himself and embarrassed while he feels he owes you. Best to discuss first before cancelling

What was the present ? A car ?

Cancel it. Make him think he still has it. Suck up the loss. Hope whatever the 'insurance' is for happens.

Cancel it and dump him.

He already knows what he’s done and how he’s treated you , no explanation needed. You don’t need to discuss it with him , it’s obvious. Cancel and distance yourself , you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

With the greatest of respect he knows exactly how he is treatibg you. People like this have an agenda. Cancel whatever itvis you paid for and move on. He certainly isnt worth using your energy to get him have a conversation that he admits the errors of his ways, because he never will. I am not perfect and had issues with men when I was younger, but let it go, and move on,. I have a chronic neurological disease now which I am deteriorating, and this isn't about me, but I know how life changes in a minute, and enjoy life whilst healthy . I certainly did travel and enjoy life, and did experience many memories, but I never thought this would happen to me. I do not want to sound preachy but life is short and many people dont have the chance to life a long life into retirement. Hope this helps

Why are you paying for something on his behalf?

And why do you care what anyone else thinks of you?

If they feel bad for him, then they can pay for it for him instead.

What was the plan about him paying you back?

I am assuming he is an adult. You are not his mother ! Ditch him.

I dont know the details of your purchase
.but Ive been in a similar situation TWICE.
The First time: a friend (with a lot of money problems) came to my house and persuaded me to order her a expensive video camera from my home shopping catalogue.
After she left I was worried that Id made a mistake. Anyway I decided to ' keep the item for myself' and paid the invoice . Job Done! and I had many happy hours filming our family for years.
The second time I was persuaded to pay TWO PEOPLES ( I and friend) holiday deposit with the promise of quick reimbursement. .BIG mistake.!!
I waited one month then CANCELLED the package but used the money refunded for a round the world trip for one.
I hope this gives you some Ideas.
I should try some tricks=
Like: THEY DUDDENLY INCREASED THE PRICE AND WANT MORE MONEY.
Or:
Noticed THERE WAS A FLAW, SO RETURNED THE ITEM.
Or: I WAS UNABLE TO GET INSURANCE Cover SO I RETURNED ITEM