I lent a man money, now he's treating me like crap

[villainorigin]

I'm not concerned he won't pay me back. That part isn't an issue. I know him well and I know all his friends and family,

However, he was all sweetness and light up and keeping in touch many times a day up to the point where he asked to borrow it. I said yes. Since then he's treated me like an after thought. Barely in touch, business-only when we do talk, etc.

I need to do/say SOMETHING about this behaviour as it's outrageous and I don't want to tolerate being treated so badly.

I didn't actually give him money, I bought something on his behalf that I could still cancel, and extreme end of the scale is to cancel it and tell him to go F himself, but we know a lot of the same people and it would be complicated.

I need a more reasonable way to not look like a complete walkover here. I don't want to just let it lie.

If anyone has any advice on what I could say to him to make him know I've clocked into his game, I'd be really grateful.

(Please please don't use the thread to berate me for lending him money etc, that part I have now worked out for myself! Getting it back isn't my worry. My self respect and having him think I haven't noticed, is my worry!)

If it isn’t something you can cancel without losing money, is it possible to move it to some other service or pause it? I’d tell him via written message, if it means something isn’t going to be covered ie insured. If he’s going to pay you back mid-March that sounds bit vague and I’d also be concerned that he’d not be in touch around paying up time and blank you even further into not paying up easily in which case you start chasing him he bad mouths you anyway. Cut your losses both financially if necessary and definitely with someone who treats you like this. Lesson learnt and hoped not repeated.

Cancel it, get that 30% back, dump him, and chalk the rest of it up as the price you paid to find out he was a dick relatively quickly. A lot of people sink a LOT more emotional and financial cost into a man before finding this out.

If he talks shit about you, you can politely tell any the mutual friends who ask, the facts: He went from loving and in regular contact to cold and transactional the moment you bought the thing for him.

That's manipulative behaviour. Cancel it because you're worth so much more xxx

This.

Its not worth being treated like a doormat to appease him and to save face with aquaintances.

A good friend will understand why you cancelled.

Carry on as you are, be nice so you get the money back and then so the same to him. Bin him off after the money is repaid.

Cancel it.

Please.

Cancel it, tell him why and move on. No going back after that

Or she says fuck that for a game of soldiers noone treats me like shit.

Cancel it. He’s just checking if you’re the kind of woman he can abuse. Show him you’re not!

My point is literally that she’s already been treated like shit though either way.
If she cancels now she’ll only get about £100 back.

The option I suggested is at least more likely to get her £300 back though.

She says she can cancel so she should

So then you tell these people - not that it’s any of their business - ‘he went frosty as soon as he got what he wanted and I’m not a mug so I made the choice to not to continue funding him.’

As I said the issue is she’ll only get 30% back if she cancels now. So she will lose most of the money she lent out.

Up to Op obviously, but that was what my reasoning behind waiting it out - so she gets all her money back.

"but we know a lot of the same people and it would be complicated." complicated for him not for you. I would say he was kissing my ass and then asked me to buy something - once I agreed he went silent and I thought what a cheeky rude fucker and cancelled it. I imagine he asked someone he has only been casually dating because people who know him better already know to say fuck off. Doubt it is the first time he has asked for help

Edit - hadn't read your update about the 30% - I would just fingers crossed for the money now . He has shown what he is like. Others probably already know

I would cancel it and chase him for the money.

I've spent years putting up with shit from men and I refuse to do so any longer.

Even if you never see the money again after a certain amount of time, ignore him.

In that case, providing you can still get the 30% back in March, I'd wait until then in the hope he pays you the lot

Come March, when if he starts creating excuses you've then got an even better reason to cancel it (not that you need a better reason of course, but why risk him refusing to pay at all if you cancel now?)

This. You are never, ever going to get that money back

It might be worth the loss of money to cancel, say nothing & block?

Why would you lose sleep or care what he may say?

I'd cut all ties with him.

And if people 'talk' rise above it and change your friends.

Cancel it.

If you can write off the money I would cancel and just ghost him.

Why are you so worried about what other people think of you?

He's testing you to see what you will tolerate, to see how easy it is to play you etc.

Cancel it and bin him.

The bigger question here is why on earth you'd lend money to a man you're dating in the first place?

Why is the woman he's dating his first port of call for accessing money rather than his credit card, his family or his friends? The answer to that question will tell you he's not a keeper straight away.

Treat it as a life lesson and raise your bar next time. There is never a good reason for someone you're just dating to ask you to lend them money.

I would wait until mid March, then if nothing remind him of the arrangement; and if nothing again warn and then do a small claims court application which costs around £30 and will likely frighten the life out of him and get you repaid. But as others have said, do not continue dating! That way you have honoured the agreement and if he doesn't you've got a mechanism for repayment. It's really easy, you just do it online. Good luck :)

He is a scammer! A good man will NEVER borrow money from a lady he dates casually! BLOCK!!!