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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit put out that husband has gone off on holiday alone for 6 days

229 replies

Clotheswoe · 19/02/2024 00:11

My husband's job is quite stressful. Last week, he realised that he had an easier week this week, because all his bosses were away. So a few days ago, he decided he wanted to go away and get some sun, and he took a week off to go abroad alone.

He said I was welcome to join him, but I said I couldn't because I can't take a week off at such short notice, plus I have just started a new job so it's tricky.

He has limited annual leave. It's not that I think we have to spend 100% of our annual leave together. I know I might go on a long weekend away with a friend soon. I'm happy he's having a good time in the sun and is relaxed.

I just wondered if people would think this is a little odd? Do others do this? Or would you feel a little put out?

YABU = 'it's fine, leave him to his solo holiday'

YANBU = 'this is a little odd'

OP posts:
rustlerwaiter · 19/02/2024 00:16

YABU. It sounds like it's the best time for him to take a break from work and he did invite you along.

Would alternatives be that he takes time off to sit around the house because it's good for work but not for you? Or he takes time off when it's bad for work but good for you? Maybe by the end of the year he'll have done both?

May be a little unconventional but if the timing is right for a break it's right.

ChelseeDagger · 19/02/2024 00:18

Do you have children to care for?

Original poster
Clotheswoe · 19/02/2024 00:22

ChelseeDagger · 19/02/2024 00:18

Do you have children to care for?

No, no kids yet.

OP posts:
ChelseeDagger · 19/02/2024 00:24

Clotheswoe · 19/02/2024 00:22

No, no kids yet.

Show quote history

Oh well, fair enough.

Just make sure you get away for a break too.

minipie · 19/02/2024 00:25

But you’re planning a weekend away with a friend - and he knows that I imagine? So in that case fair enough for him to think he can take a trip without you.

if it leaves him short of AL or funds for a trip with you I’d be annoyed but doesn’t sound like this is the case.

HeddaGarbled · 19/02/2024 00:31

he did invite you along

Knowing she couldn’t go. Most couples do plan stuff like this together. Do you genuinely know any married person (except completely selfish prats) who would think “ooh, work’s quiet this week, I’ll go away for a week in the sun without my wife/husband”?

Throwingpots · 19/02/2024 00:33

Not an issue really. It’s not like he didn’t invite you, you can’t go so no biggie, he has a nice week in the sun and you can enjoy a week to yourself at home. I think it’s great when couples aren’t joined at the hip but do their own thing sometimes, much healthier.
Obviously if you were being left at home looking after young kids alone it would be different, but otherwise no problem. Maybe he’ll bring you something nice back 😁

HighQueenOfTheFarRealm · 19/02/2024 00:34

I'd be annoyed that I couldn't go as well but I wouldn't mind dh doing that. He wouldn't mind me doing it either.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 19/02/2024 00:37

Maybe he just badly needed a break for his own mental health. It's unfortunate you can't join him but I think taking a break when you need one is never a bad idea.

betterangels · 19/02/2024 00:40

He's in a stressful job and needed a break. You're going away soon, and there are no children. I don't see the problem. Couples don't need to do every holiday together.

TheBeesKnee · 19/02/2024 00:42

I've taken holidays alone - once with one day's notice! - and DP wasn't even invited most of the time. We're still together and happy 13 years on with a baby and many happy memories of joint holidays.

minipie · 19/02/2024 00:44

HeddaGarbled · 19/02/2024 00:31

he did invite you along

Knowing she couldn’t go. Most couples do plan stuff like this together. Do you genuinely know any married person (except completely selfish prats) who would think “ooh, work’s quiet this week, I’ll go away for a week in the sun without my wife/husband”?

I think it really depends on whether there will be plenty of other trips as a couple, or not. If he can book a solo winter sun holiday on a whim I’m guessing funds are not tight so imagine they will be going on other holidays.

Yes ideally he would have discussed with her well in advance but clearly that wasn’t possible as it just cropped up.

TeenLifeMum · 19/02/2024 00:45

I’d find that really weird but then dh wouldn’t want to go away on his own so I guess we’re all different.

blueshoes · 19/02/2024 00:47

It is fine for him to go off to take advantage of a sudden lull in his work. He may be burnt out and really needing the break so he takes it when he can at the least disruptive time for work.

That is what I have seen some of the really busy partners in commercial law firms do. They work late nights on back-to-back transactions and the minute there is any down time between deals, they take off.

You don't have kids so it is not like he left you to carry the baby. It is not odd. Unless you work in such a stressful job it can be difficult to understand that not everything can be planned especially if the job is client facing. Hopefully he is getting paid the big bucks (or the potential to).

MrsLeavemealone · 19/02/2024 00:47

I think it's OK. It sounds like a gap opened where he could go away and he needed a break.

Dh and I love going on holiday, we go on many as a family but also do separate ones. When the children were young, this wouldn't have happened . Now they have grown up, we have returned to it.

Dh does iron-man comps so will travel to those, with a few days chilling afterwards. I on the other hand will meet up with friends on a girls trip a couple of times a year.

ilovesooty · 19/02/2024 00:49

If he hasn't left you dealing with a difficult situation at home and you can go away without him too I don't see why it should be a problem.

PaulAnkaTheDoggo · 19/02/2024 00:55

Has he taken a week off, or is he working from abroad? My company allow us to do this. Only asking as it seems an odd time to take annual leave, purely based on others being off. Would make more sense to me if he’s decided to go enjoy some nice weather and relax into his work with superiors off. If he’s literally just taken AL then I’d actually be a bit concerned about his workloads, stress levels and how he’s feeling.

hihi5 · 19/02/2024 00:58

My husband does this and we have 4 young DC at home.

Doesn't bother me, he comes back less stressed and they're not the holiday destinations I'd choose for myself anyway. If he was taking himself off to the Maldives every year without me I'd definitely be annoyed.

thebestinterest · 19/02/2024 02:25

Op, kindly, it’s not an issue. He did invite you. I encourage my DP to go on solo trips Al the time. He (DP) was once an avid camper and cyclist before marriage and dcs tied him down. … if he’s met his responsibilities at home, I don’t see an issue.

JustTalkToThem · 19/02/2024 02:37

if you're happy that he's away and having a good time, what's the problem?

I go away regularly alone, but it is something we discuss in advance, and I have more vacation than him. It's all about communication. He should talk to you about his plans, and vice verse.

BumbleShyBee · 19/02/2024 02:45

I'd be a bit miffed to be honest. I can't really imagine DH heading off on holidays without me. If either of us have had TOIL days (ie a few down days after a massive intense time at work), we would spend them at home.

JustTalkToThem · 19/02/2024 03:01

BumbleShyBee · 19/02/2024 02:45

I'd be a bit miffed to be honest. I can't really imagine DH heading off on holidays without me. If either of us have had TOIL days (ie a few down days after a massive intense time at work), we would spend them at home.

But why? If you can afford it why not do something different if you want - which clearly this guy did?

Unless there's a reason for a staycation (money, time, childcare, etc.), I wouldn't want to do this, and if DH or I or anyone felt the same, I don't know why you'd begrudge them doing something fun.

amylou8 · 19/02/2024 04:20

This would be strange in our relationship. We do lots of stuff independently, but something big like a holiday would be together. Nothing inherently wrong with it of course, and as many PPs have said they'd be quite happy, but I'd be somewhat put out.

asdunno · 19/02/2024 04:34

I suppose technically it doesn't matter that he went. It's not like he has left you with a screaming child or anything. But personally I find it a bit strange that he would choose to go alone rather than pick a time with you. I'd also be concerned that he may want to do stuff like that when you do have kids. If you intend to have children have you spoke about what that will look like?

garlictwist · 19/02/2024 04:37

I don't see the issue at all. I've holidayed on my own a few times and my husband always has a holiday with mates every year without me. You shouldn't be joined at the hip.