AIBU to feel a bit put out that husband has gone off on holiday alone for 6 days

[Clotheswoe]

My husband's job is quite stressful. Last week, he realised that he had an easier week this week, because all his bosses were away. So a few days ago, he decided he wanted to go away and get some sun, and he took a week off to go abroad alone.

He said I was welcome to join him, but I said I couldn't because I can't take a week off at such short notice, plus I have just started a new job so it's tricky.

He has limited annual leave. It's not that I think we have to spend 100% of our annual leave together. I know I might go on a long weekend away with a friend soon. I'm happy he's having a good time in the sun and is relaxed.

I just wondered if people would think this is a little odd? Do others do this? Or would you feel a little put out?

YABU = 'it's fine, leave him to his solo holiday'

YANBU = 'this is a little odd'

I do this. If there is a work conference in a location I’d like to spend time in, I have a holiday there before/after the conference. The flights are covered by work and I pay for the accomodation/meals in the period outside the conference. It’s just got a high convenience factor. DH doesn’t come as the timing rarely fits with what’s convenient with his work. He has no problem with it though.

I say, good on your DH. Don't blame him at all, as long as he hasn't left you alone dealing with some kind of crisis, ill children or anything like that. Just make sure you get a lovely solo trip somewhere nice too when the opportunity comes.

DH does now we are retired, usually walking/camping type trips that I wouldn't like anyway, I enjoy being home alone sometimes. He didn't though while we were working and when DS was at home as that would have been a bit selfish as holiday was limited and it would mean less holidays for us together, we always used the full allowance going away so YANBU

If you don't have kids or any shared caring responsibility like a dog? Then I don't see the issue

Not an issue for me. As pps have said he did ask, you said no and he’s done this to protect his mental health as his job is so stressful, you have no kids yet either.

I won’t lie, if I was jealous then I may not be happy. I’d also be seeing if he can make work less stressful in future or if he can deal with it better so he can plan holidays with you, his DW as this is a bit upsetting for you as a couple not to plan things like holidays together. But I think he’s being very mature to go away alone to protect his mental health.

Yes this

i don’t think with either of use would want to go alone. 6 days in a hotel by myself 🤷🏼‍♀️. Pre children noway would we have done this, after children a night or two would have been nice but not an option tbh.

so yes I think it’s very strange

When you are working though holiday time is often very limited so a week used by just one could be 25% of the holiday weeks gone as many people only get 4 weeks plus bank holidays so nothing to do with jealousy.

That’s what my stepdad did before he retired. Went all round the world as a curator or courier of ship models for a museum and as they paid for flights and accommodation he usually happily took an extra week off, holiday time allowing, and had some great holidays without DM and me and DB.

I don’t see why this should be an issue at all. He didn’t plan the week without you, he just happened to find some time he could take off at the last minute , and he needed a break. It sounds healthy to me! Plus he invited you along, so it’s not like he wouldn’t have wanted you there- just a timing issue. If you had kids then I would have voted v differently, but with no kids why not? ☺️

Just because you are joined at the hip doesn’t mean other couples need to be. Time to oneself can be really refreshing and healthy, and shows they have some independence. Nothing more boring and tiresome than codependency in a relationship.

If it’s a financial year and holidays are running this way, eg to be used by end of March, then I don’t see an issue either. I’ve sometimes been told by a company that I needed to take a week off to use up my allowance but as I recall I was very young the first time so had no idea of my rights and the second time I was unsure how toil/holiday worked and they’d just changed the general leave policy anyway! First time I was 19, my best mate was starting a job in a fortnight and had a gap between leaving her job and holiday to take so we looked on teletext found a last minute deal to Gran Canaria and had a great time! Second time, it was all a bit messy and I’d just returned from a week in Florence but again I booked a week in Seville and went with a friend who worked on and off. I was lucky I had the money and no commitments though at the time.

Depends if you have joint holidays planned. If you don’t then it’s a bit weird but if you do and this is an extra that can be afforded then fine. Make sure you do that long weekend tho.

I had ten days away from DH booked last year but had to cancel. Now going without DH in a few weeks. Just me and the dogs in a cottage. Bliss!

YABU. It's great to be able to do these things before kids complicate it all. I used to go on solo trips all the time pre-kids, often when I was with someone. I remember having a month between jobs at one point and thinking jumping on a plane to Spain immediately. It's good for mental health.

We never had any left at the end of the holiday year but we only got just over the statutory holiday amount so not much holidays. DH is going away for 2-3 weeks later in the year, that would have wiped out over half the holiday if we were at work

If you're allowed to go away with a friend for the weekend, why shouldn't it be just as acceptable for him to go away too?

I’ve done it on a number of occasions, though not to the sun, because I hate heat. And we have a child.

People must have loads of holiday to do this

We regularly do things alone so it would be a non issue here other than the short notice. And maybe the fact we need decorating doing, so I'd rather DH book time off and do that, than head off to the sun!
As parents we rarely have annual leave to use up at (financial) year end, but we do spend time away from one another. I have a few solo nights away a year, and had a 4 night mini break last year, DH is off in April for a few nights cycling with friends. We are both happy and capable to solo parent in the others absence.
Of course we have family breaks booked, too, for when the kids are off school, but I think solo trips are really important to keep us happy as individuals. When we got together we didn't become one person with shared hobbies and we still like doing our own things.

I think pre-kids then this is fine.

I think it's odd , the bosses were away so he took holiday . Do the bosses know or was he expected to hold the fort .
Yes I'd have no problem with him wanting a solo break but would be miffed if it prevented a joint holiday later on because he had no leave left .

I'd never go away without my partner neither would he. We do everything together and actually enjoy each other's company, have done for years. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

So weird to me

I have been on holiday a few times without my DH, but we discuss it in advance and I make sure he is ok about it, doesn’t want to come. I wouldn’t announce I am off next week and especially not when I know he can’t make it.

It's weird, because most people prefer to have company when they're on holiday, but it's definitely not a bad thing. I wish I could enjoy my own company enough to enjoy being alone for a week!

It would be an issue/selfish if you had kids to look after, so best to do these things while you both still can :)