AIBU to feel a bit put out that husband has gone off on holiday alone for 6 days

[Clotheswoe]

My husband's job is quite stressful. Last week, he realised that he had an easier week this week, because all his bosses were away. So a few days ago, he decided he wanted to go away and get some sun, and he took a week off to go abroad alone.

He said I was welcome to join him, but I said I couldn't because I can't take a week off at such short notice, plus I have just started a new job so it's tricky.

He has limited annual leave. It's not that I think we have to spend 100% of our annual leave together. I know I might go on a long weekend away with a friend soon. I'm happy he's having a good time in the sun and is relaxed.

I just wondered if people would think this is a little odd? Do others do this? Or would you feel a little put out?

YABU = 'it's fine, leave him to his solo holiday'

YANBU = 'this is a little odd'

Definitely is!

I’m a bit jealous of him.

I always wonder - in relationships where you're always together and never spend time by yourself or with friends - what happens if your partner dies or leaves and you have nothing?

Yes - DP’s quietest time at work is in Jan/Feb & he is very much encouraged / sometimes pushed to take AL at this time. (Jan can be very busy for me.) sometimes we go away together, if I can’t go he takes himself off for a few days to the canaries to play golf & get a bit of sun or off somewhere to watch rugby. I often have a city break in the summer with a friend. It’s better than him being stuck at home in the winter with nothing to do (getting on my nerves when I try and get work done)

If you've not got kids or other daily responsibilities then it's fine. A bit last minute but I'd enjoy having the tv to myself, see friends and being able to chill for a week.

Same 😂

I think it's quite odd. Not so much that you can't holiday together the two of you, but more that he is going to some beach destination (by the sounds of it) for a week all by himself. Surely that will be boring for him? What will he even do - just lay on the beach by himself and not talk to anyone for a whole week?

We have shared friends who we spend time with. I imagine they'd still be my friends if, god forbid, something happened to my husband.

I also have my children and family.

I would definitely find it a bit odd, unless it was a long planned deal. My DH has been a fan of a certain American team and two of his mates support different teams, all of whom were playing each other a few years back, so they planned a week away together. That was fine, but going solo is not something I’d expect.

Sometimes having a break from work won't wait.

This is it, exactly - it sounds like this is quite unusual for him, so I'd hazard a guess that he was pretty desperate to get away from it.

It's probably reasonable to feel a bit upset that you can't go, but in your position I'd be upset at the circumstances rather than him, and just happy that he's getting an opportunity to reset.

It's often just lack of time, now we are retired we do loads of stuff separately but still manage several holidays together. When we worked we had just 1 x 2 week holiday and 2 x 1 week holiday because of the annual leave constraints so no time to go off separately.

hmmm we have kids and we still go away separately at least once a year with friends or something!

We do at least 1 holiday with our kids and then if possible a long weekend or 2 away by ourselves without the kids

And then definitely some time alone!!

Husband off to a liverpool game in a few weeks with his mates and staying 4 nights! Then he's going on a cycling weekend with work another weekend

And a stag in Spain for a week

I'm going away with my mum and sister to Paris for a few days soon

I've a week in Berlin visiting friends coming up

& 2 birthday weekends away with friends coming up too

Couldn't be dealing with having to do all annual leave with my partner tbh

we are also going on a Butlins tots break in a few weeks as a family - we mix it up!

Grief and loneliness is always going to be an issue after losing a partner. But what my solo backpacking trips did for me was make me realise that I could cope on my own. That I could enjoy my own company and that I could manage an independent life.

My husband's terminal illness was discovered a fortnight after I'd completed a trip. Among my first thoughts was "I can deal with this. I know I'm strong enough to be alone".

It's like his suggestion and encouragement that I did those trips was a kind of legacy. And I'm enormously grateful to him.

It completely depends on your relationship to be honest. If my DP said / did this then yes it would be weird (mainly because he can't book anything at all without my help 😂). It wouldn't bother me but it would be out of character for him. But I know lots of relationships where they holiday / socialise individually. I guess it just all comes down to what's "normal" in your relationship and what isn't??

Neither DH nor I would do this but it doesn’t matter - we all are different.
How did he communicate this to you? Was it in the same way you do this for your beaks or somehow differently?

This wouldn’t be for me, no.

Annual leave is limited and we always love spending time together. It depends on the relationship. You need to iron this out before children, if you plan to have them. The last thing you want is a selfish flake that suddenly decides he needs me time at the most important moments. If he has your back, wants to spend his leave with you 98% of the time - it’s probably okay.

You can't really go around thinking like that though?? I love spending time with my DP, he's my best friend and we have the best time together. We do see our friends separately, it's just more common for us to socialise in a couple and a lot of our friends and family are the same. I still enjoy going for coffee / lunch on my own and he has his own hobbies. As for what happens if one of us dies, well I guess you'd be heartbroken the same as anyone would be! I don't think if I went on holidays with my friends once a year I'd be any less heartbroken!!! Also, I wouldn't be left with "nothing" just because we socialise a lot together!

YABU. It's good to enjoy things separately.

My DH goes one one, sometimes two, adventure holidays with his best friend every year. 10 days at a time.

I have zero interest in his choice of adventure and he loves it so crack on I say.

How moving and lovely.

Everybody is different, but I find the undue emphasis on how much posters who wouldn't do this love their husbands rather superior and unnecessary. Like the rest of us don't. It's like those WOHM/SAHM debates. "I love my DC too much to ever send them to nursery".

I'm doing this and we have young dc. I have had a very stressful few months at work and I am finally coming to the end of that so I have booked a week off. To be fair I'm taking my two DCs away for one night so dh will get a night and day without dc but will be at home and working. The rest of the time I have booked solo trips and things. It won't leave dh with the dc on his own much as they will be in school and childcare but he is happy that I'm taking time for myself and he has the opportunity to do the same if he wishes. I think it's healthy even when you do have dc. Without dc it's no problem.

Find out who else went on that holiday. In the meantime, when he returns, ensure your contraception is rock solid.

Thank you for this! I love my partner to absolute bits, (our life will of course change now we have DC on the way.) Before that I didn’t love him any less because I went to Barcelona for a girls weekend or he went abroad for the football. We stay in touch when away & look forward to seeing each other when we get back. Every couple is different, live however you want but you aren’t automatically “more in love” because you’re forever joined at the hip.

With no kids, I don't see the issue of a last minute holiday so long as he makes time for another with you sometime this year