AIBU to feel a bit put out that husband has gone off on holiday alone for 6 days

[Clotheswoe]

My husband's job is quite stressful. Last week, he realised that he had an easier week this week, because all his bosses were away. So a few days ago, he decided he wanted to go away and get some sun, and he took a week off to go abroad alone.

He said I was welcome to join him, but I said I couldn't because I can't take a week off at such short notice, plus I have just started a new job so it's tricky.

He has limited annual leave. It's not that I think we have to spend 100% of our annual leave together. I know I might go on a long weekend away with a friend soon. I'm happy he's having a good time in the sun and is relaxed.

I just wondered if people would think this is a little odd? Do others do this? Or would you feel a little put out?

YABU = 'it's fine, leave him to his solo holiday'

YANBU = 'this is a little odd'

OP doesn’t have kids. It’s be weird for DP to offer to paint some random kids room.

Let them go have fun rather than doing “work” at home.

Lol

In your position I’d be a bit put out too. And jealous! However do you have plans to holiday later in the year? If that’s the case then it’s not so bad. Are you happy as a couple otherwise? It’s unusual for him to flit off on his own but if he needs a break then it should do him good.

I do this and have kids etc, I run my own company so see an opportunity to go and zoom off for a few days. My DH is very used to this as I've done it for 20+ years. It's just what I need is a recharge, reset and it makes me a better person to be around. He just need the time, and he's comfortable with you to take it, I think it's healthy.

How very mumsnet 😂

I go away on Monday for four nights with my mum and sister. DH being left at home with youngest DD (21). If she were younger I probably wouldnt go away.

Wow.

Sometimes you’re constrained by when the cheap flights are – I noticed recently short haul flights seem to be more expensive during the week (sure it used to be the other way round).

The pillars of a temple stand apart.

She says he has limited annual leave. She could try and join him by seeing if she could take a day or two days vs a whole week instead. If she doesn’t work weekends, she could ask if she could take either the Monday or Friday off or if it’s shift work, see if she can swap one of those days.

While he's having fun as a solo adult, where does that leave his still-working wife?

She's not having fun, sp no compromise there.

Presumably she is still working, able to feed and clothe herself and if she so desires she can arrange social events with friends in the evening?

you can't have any fun without your other half?...... @Lplatecook thats a bit sad !

Without knowing the exact circumstances of each partner, there does seen to be little room for compromise in this response.

It's not only a question of having fun or not. There appears to be a level of selfishness/lack of awareness on the husband's part.

Unless his week's holiday was by mutual agreement, his wife's needs appear to have been overlooked.

This suggestion would be fine if it was reached by the couple's mutual agreement.

@Lplatecook no idea why being married to someone makes it like you are a child who has to ask a parent if you are allowed do things though!!

before kids i never would have thought to ask husband if it was ok for me to go away somewhere without him - just do what i want !

now it's a bit more planning to make sure I have childcare arranged - but thats it!

I’d be getting the bunting out 😂😂

Doing what one wants is fine as long as the other partner is aware and in agreement with the actions taken.

Without this mutuality there would be an imbalance in the couple's relationship.

It is hoped that, as far as possible, partnerships are established with equality in mind.

When this is overlooked, it is likely that one partner will feel aggrieved. Unless this situation is recognised and addressed by the couple, the result could be further discord.

So what? If she can’t have fun he isn’t allowed to either? Nah, I don’t subscribe to that at all. They don’t have any kids to consider so there’s absolutely no reason why either of them can’t make spur of the moment decisions.

Totally normal in my world. My partner and I have different jobs in that mine can be done completely remotely and his can’t. I can travel while working, and I do - sometimes I do spring it on him at a few days notice if I fancy it. We travel together in summer. I also enjoy being alone - have done solo beach trips before and they’re bliss! I need time apart from him to keep things fresh - doesn’t mean I love him less, I just really value solo recharging time. I don’t see why having a partner means I have to curtail my independence when it doesn’t impact him in any way, we don’t have kids so nothing changes for him when I’m gone apart from my physical presence. He’s an added bonus to my life, not a millstone. If people would feel rejected and unloved by a partner pursuing independent solo interests they need to get a grip.

As was stated earlier, if the actions are by mutual agreement, that's fine.

It is hoped that couples establish an agreed way of living and behaving within a loving relationship.

Back in the day, I would be angry and think he was being selfish, now I would be glad to see the back of him! LOL

Definitely weird! Not out of order… but very weird!

lol 😂 Me, too. My DH is going away for a weekend with son and friends later this year. I can’t wait. Peace and quiet.
But OP feels a bit neglected I think and I am on her side.

Because the invitation wasn’t genuine.

You cannot compare - they are not the same.