AIBU to feel a bit put out that husband has gone off on holiday alone for 6 days

[Clotheswoe]

My husband's job is quite stressful. Last week, he realised that he had an easier week this week, because all his bosses were away. So a few days ago, he decided he wanted to go away and get some sun, and he took a week off to go abroad alone.

He said I was welcome to join him, but I said I couldn't because I can't take a week off at such short notice, plus I have just started a new job so it's tricky.

He has limited annual leave. It's not that I think we have to spend 100% of our annual leave together. I know I might go on a long weekend away with a friend soon. I'm happy he's having a good time in the sun and is relaxed.

I just wondered if people would think this is a little odd? Do others do this? Or would you feel a little put out?

YABU = 'it's fine, leave him to his solo holiday'

YANBU = 'this is a little odd'

I go away in March most years on my own.

It is planned in advance though rather than a last minute thing and I avoid dates where there might be a family get together - MIL birthday etc x

You were asked to go and didn't. So under the circumstances I think it's fine he went on his own.

Hmm tricky. I often want to take spontaneous breaks but DH is not happy for that.

I think it's fine but also you should book yourself a lone break because it could be lovely for you not to have to worry about anything

Juncat- sounds nice, whAt sort of solo holidays do you do, out of interest

I voted a bit odd, but I also think it’s fine. Even though odd. He has the money, the leave, no kids,needed a break, why not. I’m not sure I’m aligned that he shouldn’t simply as you couldn’t.

Mr Book Spines used to travel all over with work. He would say I can extend my trip to make a little holiday of three days after can you come or do you mind if I just stay. I was the same and could only go very occasionally because of work. We did this even when children were little, I remember going over to Budapest and Bruges with toddler DS.

I think it’s fine but I have travelled solo to America to see relatives many times and left him with the children a few times.

Lol that's quite immature of you OP. If no responsibilities in the form of kids or work for the days he's entitled to alone time!

I would find your set-up incredibly claustrophobic.

Being an introvert I really understand the need for time alone and what he's done sounds very appealing! I think it's fine. I'd just make sure you do something similar (if it appeals to you)

We did this all the time pre-kids and do it now the DC are grown. Obviously we don't enjoy each others company. That can be the only reason we do this, according to posters who can't possibly contemplate such a thing.

That's the thing you won't understand unless you work in this kind of environmental. He likely has a loaf of leave built up as had no time to take the odd random day that others do, and it needs using anyway or you lose it. It's really not weird at all

Isn't it great that everyone is different.

It sounds as if he is burnt out and is needing a MH break and as he has the time that’s exactly what he’s doing. It’s a good thing , his physical and mental health should be improved by taking the time out, it’s good that he’s listening to his body.

I’ve been going away on solo trips for years.

It is something I not only love but need. It is the one time I feel like I get fully recharged and a much needed break from DH and the kids where I can do what I want without catering or compromising for someone else or having to wait on others.

I put DH onto doing them and he enjoys the time away alone too.

Your DH did invite you. If he had decided to go and not invite you, you wouldn’t have likely been happy either.

Honestly it depends on the nature of your relationship. This would not be on in our household as we both love to travel and wouldn't dream of using up annual leave to go away without the other person. Plus, going away by myself would be very boring. I'd much rather have my husband there as he's my best friend.

In other relationships, this could be a perfectly fine thing to do.

I loved my late husband deeply and we enjoyed each others company very much. But we also enjoyed different types of holiday on occasion. I'd always liked the idea of backpacking and he didn't. But he encouraged me to do it because he didn't want to hold me back. And when he had to give up work due to his health, I encouraged him to take breaks in this country while I continued to work.

Having the occasional holiday alone does not indicate a lack of love or enjoyment of each others company. It is very offensive to me that you imply that it does.

I've just returned from a solo break to get some Spanish sun (thick cloud all the time, ha!) and am booked to go down to Studland on my own in June for 3 nights. We're not joined at the hip, I'm retired, he still works (and loves it) and we've always had independent interests as well as enjoying trips and outings together. He's off on a motorcycle jaunt later in the year. When one of us falls off the perch, t'other will already have quite good coping skills to get by on their own.

Seem fine to me. I am going away for three weeks shortly. Invited my other half but he is likely not going to make it due to work commitments or, at best, he will be able to join me for a few days. No bad blood between us over this. I am also going away in July for two weeks and for a week in October with my friends. My partner will be going away in August with his daughter. We haven't had a holiday together since 2022 due to disparity between workload and me not wanting to spend a fortune travelling in school holidays.
I guess we are selfish prats according to @HeddaGarbled but it works fine in our relationship.

DH and I have at least a week each of separate holidays abroad every year. DH goes on an active holiday (cycling, usually) and I have a city break. I think it’s healthy. We have family holidays too.

I think it’s fine. It sounds like a very healthy relationship where you’re not attached at the hip and don’t feel duty bound to do everything together.

I understand feeling a tiny bit – oh. See you in a week then.

But I think it’s a good reminder that you’re both individuals and the time spent together, when you do, is actively chosen rather than obligatory.

I think the question you need to ask yourself is - if you know your hubby has a stressful job - why are you not happy for him that a window has arisen in his schedule where he can replenish his energy? If you would prefer for him to miss this opportunity because you have a new job and can't go....I would wonder how things are going to work out for you both if you have children together because having children together takes things to a whole new level.

Very weird imo. It's not something we would ever do.

Honestly, I wouldn't like that my husband was having such a good time without me!

That might come from me feeling stuck at home quite a lot because of childcare and having quite needy kids and him travelling a lot for work and generally being away a lot. I would want his time off work to be spent with me primarily.

i thought that too when I read it, I work, have friends, love my husband , spend lots of time together, enjoy each others company. We have been together 30 years, but also socialise with my female friends without him, as well as colleagues, and have gone on holiday with my friends, I would not wish a situation where my life revolved doing everything with just one person, no matter how much I loved them or enjoyed their company.

@WellWhaddayaKnow I'm not spending time with my husband because I'm forced to though, it's because I choose to. It's not an obligation. He's my favourite person. I have enough of my own company working from home alone all day so it's not as if we're never apart😅