AIBU to feel a bit put out that husband has gone off on holiday alone for 6 days

[Clotheswoe]

My husband's job is quite stressful. Last week, he realised that he had an easier week this week, because all his bosses were away. So a few days ago, he decided he wanted to go away and get some sun, and he took a week off to go abroad alone.

He said I was welcome to join him, but I said I couldn't because I can't take a week off at such short notice, plus I have just started a new job so it's tricky.

He has limited annual leave. It's not that I think we have to spend 100% of our annual leave together. I know I might go on a long weekend away with a friend soon. I'm happy he's having a good time in the sun and is relaxed.

I just wondered if people would think this is a little odd? Do others do this? Or would you feel a little put out?

YABU = 'it's fine, leave him to his solo holiday'

YANBU = 'this is a little odd'

I travelled the world and lived overseas alone, before marriage, I have no issues. Making the most of my life with dh and dc feels like a priority.

Same.

I do hiking and city breaks and DH does running ones. We also do ones with the children and ones with his parents and siblings.

Our ideas of a holiday differ. He would want to run, eat, drink, watch sport, sleep and repeat which he does at home whereas that is the last thing I want to do when we’ve gone to another country. I don’t desire to do the same as I would do at home.

Me too to be fair. I’m with my DH 24/7 pretty much because I’m his career at the moment, it’s so hard to be with someone ALL the time. I love him dearly, but I’d like some space!

The issue is lack of communication and a unilateral decision at short notice. Not the holiday per se.

OP is obviously unsettled by this. Maybe she got a whiff of entitlement. Who knows?

Don't do this. I would hate if my DH was this insecure and possessive.

@Lifeinlists

The issue is lack of communication and a unilateral decision at short notice. Not the holiday per se

Yes, I think that’s the problem.

I think if he was feeling that desperate then you’d know and therefore it would be part of a bigger picture. Lots of people on here going meh, nothing to see here we do it all the time etc. but if it’s not normal in the marriage and the OP is unaware he’d reached breaking point then it’s odd. If it feels wrong, trust your gut. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing to go away without your partner, but it’s usually about an event or time with friends or family. I’d be pissed off if DH randomly decided to use a whole week of annual leave on a whim because it would affect our plans for the leave year. So YANBU. If it’s odd in your marriage, it’s odd.

My DH and I do solo holidays, he does give me a lot of notice but I am to spring a trip on him. I get such an urge to travel I sometimes book a late notice trip.
We go away a lot together too but I don’t enjoy skiing any more and my DH likes to ski. Then rather than I spend ages talking my DH into going to a country he’s not keen on I just go and book it for myself.

You're being so silly. It's not like he's leaving you to look after a sack of kids while he fucks off on a jolly.
Relax and enjoy the quiet watch some tv or go out. It's not like he's going to Antarctica for a year

Urgh. No.

I'd love that! I imagine it's good for the relationship too - to miss someone a bit otherwise you're constantly around each other. I think, totally fine to go away and get a detox from everybody.

Affair

I mean, yes. If you want your husband to think that you're paranoid then definitely do this. Otherwise, you probably shouldn't.

You’re not being unreasonable to question this. The fact that he “invited” you doesn’t mean much bc he knew you wouldn’t be able to go. If he wanted you there, he would’ve involved you in the planning. Nothing wrong with a solo trip, but the way he brought this up would bother me and I would tell him that.

Ugh.

@Abbimae hahah i feel so sorry for your partner if you have one - you must be super paranoid / controlling!!

If you're ok with it, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

As a serial lone beach goer, I can confirm it is far from boring. Activities include hiking, reading, boat trips, local art galleries, local concerts, travelling to the nearest large cities to admire architecture, water sports, diving, visiting local food markets...

I think you can still make unilateral decisions about your own leisure time when married

I agree - depends on the relationship.

I get almost 2 more weeks of AL than DH and I would be bored out of my mind if I couldn't do something by myself for some of that time. DH would never dream of going anywhere by himself as he doesn't enjoy being on his own away from home.

I spend at least few days away most years, I always discuss it with DH first, I wouldn't do it if it meant sacrificing any joint plans and I wouldn't go if DH had a legitimate objection.

I love going on holiday with DH, they are the best weeks of my year - me going away alone doesn't detract from that.

I think it’s fine pre-children and as long as he still has enough leave/money to go on holiday with you too.

I get completely “people-d out”. (I work in HR.)

I need time where nobody asks me anything but what I’d like to eat or drink and to pay the bill. It’s a proper recharge.

Why only pre-children?

Because when you have children you have to spend all your valuable holidays looking after them when they are ill, use expensive school holiday childcare, etc. we only had one and it was bad enough.

Probably depends on the age/nature of the children but I wouldn’t want to be left alone at short notice with a toddler and baby…