DP wants more money

[Itsnotbeeneasy]

Trying to keep this as concise without losing the detail or drip feeding!!

4 kids in total - blended family. 2 each. I moved into DPs house 2.5 years ago

When I moved in I asked how much he would want in contribution each month - he was unsure so I asked for vague bill amounts (utilities and mortgage) each month and then added extra for me and my 2 kids being here, halved the total and that’s what I pay. This was half to mortgage and all utilities/bills. He was v.happy with the initial figure

Obvs as we all know bills have increased since so I have increased my payment each month slightly without him asking. Then - he let slip that I was paying more than he was per month. Bear in mind I’m paying half his mortgage.

DP is now asking for a higher contribution again but is flatly refusing to let me see bills for utilities to work out the fair figures stating that if I have any record of these then I would have a claim to his property - which as said is in his name - and instead wants me to pluck a figure out of the air that I would ‘be happy with’

I will add I own nothing - I’ve only just got myself out of debt, no property etc. If we split I’d be homeless and renting - no savings. He has told me time and time again that he has £150k+ of equity in his property and keeps throwing in that he could buy a small property and be mortgage free

I think this conversation is a knee jerk reaction to this months salary I revived which has been a lot higher than ‘normal’ - and I quote he said ‘if I was paid that salary I wouldn’t have any issues’ - I have just received £4.5k after tax this month - a lot higher than usual as I’m on commission. I earn between £2.5k-4k usually after tax each month and until now had been paying off debts - finally clear now (mortgage shortfall on my house and debts my ex husband put in my name - it’s been really shit)

Its all felt very grabby tonight - I told him when I moved in that I wanted to save enough to buy a rental property so my kids have an asset it at least have a decent savings account - at the point I can do that he is now asking for more money.

Please help. I dont want to use gaslit as a throwaway phrase but I need some opinions

For the benefit of the op or anyone else in a similar situation. It is possible to establish a beneficial interest in a property without being married.

It's complicated and something you'd need to speak to a solicitor about.

You can tell @LetusandLoveit doesn't know what she's talking about, because real lawyers and experts don't give out legal advice on Internet forums.

This isn’t good OP.

1. lack of transparency to show/share bills
2. you are paying half the mortgage but have no entitlement to the property

I would seek independent financial advice.

Duplicate

As much as I agree that op is right there was a thread the other day were the man had moved in with the woman and didn’t want to pay half mortgage and everyone said that it’s a red flag that he has no assets and of course he should pay towards mortgage and some people said don’t let him pay as he’d have a claim, totally different standards depending on gender

Get those ducks attention now. This should be your first warning. Enjoy your last few memories together but now be clever. We still live in a man’s world. It makes no difference what you pay where you pay it. You are not legally on any documents and have no financial gain in anything not even in DEATH it will go to his co dependants who “as if” would give you a cut. Even after years of being raised by you and having step siblings. You have nothing. Appreciate that you are now debt free ready to start again. Stash away your money and ensure you plead poverty. Build that run away fund up. Go to an estate agent and enquire about property rentals costs ect. Ask how much deposit you may need or even mortgage advisor. No longer pay him anything until he shows you a utility bill. Explain you still aren’t out of debt and need to get it cleared so can only pay what HAS to be paid. It may get nasty as in I’m buying my kids and mine food go buy your own type but alarm bells will ring at least. Then on to your next chapter.

I think I and many others said he should pay because why should he profit from the sacrifices she made before she even met him, which is consistent with what I’m saying here.

But a lot of people did also feel he shouldn’t be paying and even said it was unethical and immoral if he did.

So it was a mix of opinions on that thread and this one too.

Why are you paying half a mortgage when your name isn’t on it.

Is he asking for the market rate for rentals in the area? I rent my home for a lot more than the mortgage. However, as your partner, you would think he would care about your financial health as well as his own. And, he should not increase your rent arbitrarily. You should have a 12 month lease agreement or something.

@Collaborate Absolutely. 50% of the open market rent plus utilities and zero maintenance is what I'd be paying as a maximum because it isn't my property !

The fact is, this guy is an arse. he's boozing his money away and wants his new partner to subsidise his lifestyle.

New needs to take her decent salary and move out into a place she owns.

I’m sorry to hear your situation. As you’re not married and he has no Will you won’t be entitled to anything. The fact you live in his house and pay towards bills etc could have weight (if you split up) but that would involve a costly court process, lot of evidence and no guarantees. Seek legal advice on that. However the issue is more do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man?

@Itsnotbeeneasy you have no legal entitlement to the house or any of his assets should he die as you are just cohabiting and not married. Everything will go to his kids in the absence of a will stating otherwise.

For the benefit of the op or anyone else in a similar situation. It ispossible to establish a beneficial interest in a property without being married.

It's complicated and something you'd need to speak to a solicitor about.

You can tell@LetusandLoveit doesn't know what she's talking about, because real lawyers and experts don't give out legal advice on Internet forums.

@GabriellaMontez So presumably you are a 'real lawyer' because you're correcting what I said? 😂And giving advice!

There are several posts here by people who say they are qualified to advise.

And, as a by the way, any claim on a property to establish a beneficial interest is indeed very complicated. It would cost a huge amount of money for court fees (that's the only way to try to win anything) and hardly a route the OP wants to go down or could afford. A solicitor would need to prepare a case for the courts.

I'd love to know how old the children are here and if this man has sole responsibility for his ( the blended family the OP mentions.)

It's unusual for a father to get custody especially when he is likely to work shifts (fire, police, ambulance) .

The reason I'm mentioning this is the OP implies there are 6 of them in his house (her 2 kids and his 2) and she's paying towards this.

It sounds more as if she's paying for his lifestyle choices- the drinking.

@Itsnotbeeneasy He's pulling the wool over your eyes. Surely you are savvy enough to know that his promise you would get everything if he died is nonsense.

It would go to his next of kin and if his children are under 18 they would need a named guardian to support them - either their mother (or his parents if they are alive.) Unless of course, he had a will and named you are their guardian.

He's full of bullshit and I think you know this, deep down.

Stop sharing your finances with him, keep separate accounts. You’re not married but paying half of everything you’re a tenant but with less rights. He sees you at a cash machine. This won’t work out well for you I personally would start looking for a shared ownership your kids deserve stability.

Well it's good to see you've finally done a quick Google and discovered there is a route to claiming a beneficial interest.

Perhaps you should ask for your earlier posts where you declare this is 'misinformation' be deleted.

Its a shame you're still arrogant enough to presume to know what legal route the OP should be going down.

By the way, I don't offer any legal advice on any of my posts other than 'speak to a solicitor'.

@GabriellaMontez At least I'm not wasting my time being insulting and calling other posters names. How childish.

And as a matter of fact I was aware of the legal side before I posted.
The odds of the OP getting a share in the property based on what she has said are incredibly low. So low it's probably not even worth considering.

Maybe take issue with all the dozens of other posters who've said the same thing? You'll find it takes up a lot of your day!

What? You knew you were repeatedly posting incorrect legal advice?

I hope there are no consequences of this for anyone.

Whether OP could or would go to the stress and expense of a court case to argue beneficial interest after 2.5 years is completely beside the point. The fact is her DP is concerned about any payments that could create just such a circumstance - which is an excellent reason to stop making them.

Better still - leave.

It is possible to establish a beneficial interest in a property without being married.

It's complicated and something you'd need to speak to a solicitor about.

Firstly making sure you have a million or so in your bank account - you'd need this for the lawyers' bills. All very well saying ' you can do this, that or whatever' - and saying 'but it's complicated' is the under-estimation of the year. It's not just 'complicated', it's unusually completely unviable. Where's the money coming from to pay for the legal representation needed to actually do it? It's hardly a walk in the park to do yourself, it requires solid proof, and as I've said on here before, Tightwad partner will hang it out as long as he possibly can (he'll probably take advice and be advised to do so), knowing that she hasn't got the money to pursue it. Let's come into the real world here.

I read your latest and literally laughed out loud.

Have a good day (but don't read all the other posts saying the same as mine or you ight get very worked up.)

And, as a by the way, any claim on a property to establish a beneficial interest is indeed very complicated. It would cost a huge amount of money for court fees (that's the only way to try to win anything) and hardly a route the OP wants to go down or could afford. A solicitor would need to prepare a case for the courts.

Yes, and some posters rather 'gloss over' these aspects, or don't mention them at all in their earlier posts - don't they?

Because as I said above whether she would actually make a claim is not the point, the point is that her DP is keen to do nothing that could form the basis of a claim, but is doing so all the same. So he and OP needs to know that.

What actually is the point in this bickering about beneficial interest? Yes it's theoretically possible, no it's not actually something that the OP can do. End of, surely?

My 2 above posts explain why it’s of relevance even if OP wouldn’t pursue it.

Moreover, Op continued with this status quo for 10-15 years say, put her payments on DD labelled “mortgage” and contributed to renovations, then she’d have a reasonable claim.

So depressing that you intend to stay with this loser who has already shown you who he is. Why contemplate a lifetime with a lying problem drinker who is bad with money and shows you no respect. 😟