DP wants more money

[Itsnotbeeneasy]

Trying to keep this as concise without losing the detail or drip feeding!!

4 kids in total - blended family. 2 each. I moved into DPs house 2.5 years ago

When I moved in I asked how much he would want in contribution each month - he was unsure so I asked for vague bill amounts (utilities and mortgage) each month and then added extra for me and my 2 kids being here, halved the total and that’s what I pay. This was half to mortgage and all utilities/bills. He was v.happy with the initial figure

Obvs as we all know bills have increased since so I have increased my payment each month slightly without him asking. Then - he let slip that I was paying more than he was per month. Bear in mind I’m paying half his mortgage.

DP is now asking for a higher contribution again but is flatly refusing to let me see bills for utilities to work out the fair figures stating that if I have any record of these then I would have a claim to his property - which as said is in his name - and instead wants me to pluck a figure out of the air that I would ‘be happy with’

I will add I own nothing - I’ve only just got myself out of debt, no property etc. If we split I’d be homeless and renting - no savings. He has told me time and time again that he has £150k+ of equity in his property and keeps throwing in that he could buy a small property and be mortgage free

I think this conversation is a knee jerk reaction to this months salary I revived which has been a lot higher than ‘normal’ - and I quote he said ‘if I was paid that salary I wouldn’t have any issues’ - I have just received £4.5k after tax this month - a lot higher than usual as I’m on commission. I earn between £2.5k-4k usually after tax each month and until now had been paying off debts - finally clear now (mortgage shortfall on my house and debts my ex husband put in my name - it’s been really shit)

Its all felt very grabby tonight - I told him when I moved in that I wanted to save enough to buy a rental property so my kids have an asset it at least have a decent savings account - at the point I can do that he is now asking for more money.

Please help. I dont want to use gaslit as a throwaway phrase but I need some opinions

Time to re-evaluate. Either he considers doing you to own a portion equivalent to the percentage of house you will have paid for or you tell him you want to see all house hold bills. You will then pay half of all household bills that are not the mortgage. Then you can decide on a sum to pay in rent if you so wish. I would tell him that paying half of everything non mortgage is fair as his the only one gaining out of the mortgage. Then say I will pay thi much towards household maintenance for repair work that may be required down the line but on a monthly basis and will not fork out again if something like the boiler goes. Else it may be time to decide if this relationship is the correct fit when his happy to take financial advantage of you.

I believe that if you contribute to the mortgage or home improvements even though you don't have your name on the deeds you have acquired a financial interest in the property and that you have relied on it to your disadvantage. I would save all receipts and when you transfer money to your partner I would add mortgage as a reference to the payment and continue updating your spreadsheet. I would not refer to the payment as rent. This means if you were to separate or if he was to suddenly die you would have a part claim on the property.

You naive muppet. You have two children to consider. You need an investment in a property. Get a buy-to-let and use the rental income to cover your monthly costs. You and your children get absolutely nothing if the relationship ends. Where is your future financial security? You could have paid your own mortgage and invested in your own financial security.

Sorry OP but I think this man is using you to subsidise his life. You will end up with nothing if you split from him. Look after yourself and your children first and foremost.

Stoop paying his mortgage just pay his utilities and depending how long you have been paying towards the mortgage I’m assuming you kept some kind of record? Then I would see if solicitor about his demands you pay more and threats to make you homeless if you don’t! I’m sure he’s breaking the law but they can clarify what laws he’s violating!

Nonsense. Utter tripe. If a man thought he'd live somewhere and let his partner pay the mortgage without contribution she'd be told by the same people on her that he's a cock lodger and she should throw him out.

You live in cloud cookoo land if you think what he's doing is illegal.

LTB
Seriously. He's shown you what kind of person he is, what he thinks of you and how he views your relationship. All negative

Also coming from a single mum here, please please listen to that quiet instinct your heart is telling you. You won't get any claim of this money back - I'm assuming you are not joint tenants or tenants in common. Ensure you keep saving for a deposit for you and your children to get a place of your own. From one mum to another please get yourself out of this situation.

@Bubbles90 Nope. all your 'beliefs' are wrong.

This may apply to a married couple but not someone living with a boyfriend.

Be very careful! I moved in with a boyfriend years ago. When we met I was temping as I’d been made redundant and was earning less than him. I did have some savings though but lived with my parents. I moved into his house, I wanted to pay my way so paid, what I thought was, a bit less than 1/2 his mortgage and then did all food shopping. He paid the rest of the mortgage and utility bills. I then got a job back with my old company (management changes and they asked me go back). I was then earning a few thousand more than him so offered to pay a bit more towards the house and paid for holidays, etc. Anyway in short, it turned it his savings were growing and my pot was getting smaller. I think I was paying 75% of his mortgage in the end. I did this for 2 years then his ex turned up and wanted him back (she’d cheated on him, then got pregnant by another man, married him and then found out he had no money so left him). Anyway, I got a text one morning asking me to move out. He said he would repay money to me but I never saw a penny. He had basically lived off me for 2 years, got back with his ex and I was nearly 30, had nothing to show for a 3 1/2 year relationship and was living back with my parents. If you’re paying half of everything, make sure you have some sort of agreement drawn up. I’d paid a lot of money into his home and had absolutely nothing to show for it and no way to get any of the money back. Lesson learnt!

Time to put yourself and your children first. He's milking you. He's had a good deal and a good run but really you need to call it a day.

When my ex lived in my house, he paid half towards bills& food. Why would he pay towards my mortgage with no security.

He is using you & doesn’t want you to have enough to be independent or get any security.

Iwould say a big no to this.

He’s being an abusive arsehole. You need to figure out what’s going to work best for you and your children.

Use some of your income to get legal advice to work out where you currently stand and how you can protect yourself for as long as you’re still in the house. If you’re contributing to the mortgage that does give you a claim but it would be expensive to go to court over and you probably don’t have enough evidence. I’m not a solicitor. However I would have thought that you’re way overpaying on bills etc and that a solicitor would advise that every bill is seen and split 50/50 going forward. If that means you’re paying less than you have been he won’t like it and that might well precipitate him chucking you out, so make sure to get your ducks in a row and save like mad in the meantime. Stop telling him what you earn, it’s irrelevant on the financial basis that you’re both set up. You don’t get anything if he dies unless he has a will saying so (I wouldn’t trust his word on that). There is probably a death ins service payment through his work - wouldn’t trust that he has left that to you either. Don’t spend one penny on his house or extra stuff until this is sorted. (Take the sofa with you when you go).

See a solicitor, before you get in any deeper and if it all goes tits up and you have to leave with little/nothing then just take the getting out of debt and getting rid of this dead weight of a man as a massive win and move on.

Don’t tell him what you are earning! In my opinion you should be paying half to everything as you are living there including his mortgage, no more no less. You would be paying half rent if you were renting together.
it sounds like he is trying to get more out of you, not nice. Start playing down what you are earning, tell him you are having a few rough months and save some money to get out of there.

You don't pay rent to a partner. That is not a partner but a landlord with benefits.

It honestly seems to me that it's mainly women who are being muppets and paying towards a mortgage on a property that isn't their own. You never hear of men doing that. I really wish women who do that would just wise up and not let themselves get taken advantage of so easily.

I don’t get his comment about not showing you the utility bills, because then you’d have a claim……..You are paying half his mortgage, therefore you already have a claim on his house! Cheek sod he is!!

No she shouldn't be paying his mortgage. They are not renting together, he is the homeowner and she isn't. If they split up without her having any claim to the house then he will get to keep all of her money that she has paid into the house towards the mortgage and she will be left with nothing. She may as well just be throwing her money down the drain if there isn't any legal protection for it.

What planet is everyone on? 🤦‍♀️ you don’t have a claim to his house.

Proving beneficial interest is very hard, your word against his, no evidence. And in any case it’s a lie because OP does NOT have an agreement with the prat that she is investing in the property, quite the opposite - he has been clear that it’s just his. Beneficial interest cases are where the couple had an agreement that was then reneged on. There is no agreement. Paying him money for a few years is so very unlikely to mean anything at all in court. I don’t know if any of you people saying “oh she has a claim” have had any experience of the courts? They are sexist af. Not fair. Not even fit for purpose. Just because you think it would be moral for the op to have a claim doesn’t mean that’s how it is out there in the actual world. Some old fart of a judge or magistrate will dismiss it as nonsense, a silly woman being irrational.

Imagine if anyone could go to the land registry and be like oh, I have some bank statements showing I gave this person money every month, therefore I also own this property. It would be carnage.

Also to everyone saying it’s crazy to pay towards someone else’s mortgage, my partner paid half mine when he lived in my flat. Then we bought a house together. I would have found it much weirder for him not to pay any rent, and so would he.

It sounds like it’s all on his terms and you could be out on your ear tomorrow and have nothing. I would be so upset and just outright disappointed. He sounds really dishonest. I would worry what else he isn’t telling the trust about. I would set yourself up with some savings that you don’t tell anyone about so you have a back up fund if you need it.

You shouldn’t be paying half his mortgage. He would still have to pay that regardless if you lived there or not. You’re giving him the equity that you wouldn’t see any of if you split. He’d be better off after a split you’d be worse off. There is no way you should be paying more than him for ‘his’ house. Absolutely not. Half the utilities is fair. You could argue the 3 of you use more gas/electric than just 1 person. But realistically the heating would be on a similar amount if it was just him living there, he’d still do things like cook an evening meal and watch tv so you’re talking extra showers and extra tv watching/phone charging etc which wouldn’t double it. A lot of a monthly gas/electric bill is the standing charge. So the extra usage doesn’t automatically double it. Then regarding council tax. He’d still have to pay the council tax but with single persons allowance, so realistically you living there only increases it by about 25%. Not double. Water, If you’re unmetered it’s basically a set cost no matter how much you use so the extra people wouldn’t make a difference and if you’re metered it includes a standing charge so again doesn’t automatically double with extra use. He would still pay essentially the same in home insurance without you. he'd still have the same tv/internet. But without being nit picky over which utilities increase or not as it does swing both ways then splitting that in half is the simple option. Assuming your 2 dcs live with you majority of the time and his don’t. Food shopping should cost you more. Roughly a 65/35 split (on the basis of assuming your dcs go to their dads a couple of weekends and his come to stay a couple of weekends for example). I’m sure you wouldn’t be expecting to take any of ‘his’ stuff if you split so if he’s not gonna contribute to the sofa that’s yours when if you go!

You're wrong here. This person doesn't have it exactly right but proprietary estoppel and constructive trusts do exist when it comes to cohabitation. Not easy to sort though.

Come on, don't be disingenuous. Unless she happens to have megabucks in the Bank then the more difficult to prove your case = the more legal expense. That's how it works. She's not married to the man and as he seems a good contender for the Outright Biggest Tightwad and Deceitful Bar Steward of the Year Award it's extremely unlikely that he'll part with anything willingly (probably helped by legal advice to drag his heels), thus making the legal proceedings drag on...and on...and on while her bank account haemorrhages money, because you bet your life he knows the score. The OP has been taken for a mug here.

He's a CF and is financially abusive

Get legal advice and plan an exit strategy.