Bit of relevant background: ExH and I have been separated for 18 months, hopefully soon to be divorced. We have 3 children (7, 9 & 11) and we get along/co-parent fairly well most of the time. I am the resident parent, our children stay over at his 1-2 nights per week depending on his schedule.
He's been with his new partner for about a year and they’ve recently moved in together. I’ve not met her, but the children like her a lot, so I’ve no problem with her generally. She has children of her own who live with them full time, they don’t see their father due to previous abuse (according to ExH).
Tonight I started running a bath, and DD (7) told me she didn’t need a bath, because she’d already had one with ”partner’s name” before I picked her up (at tea time).
So I said “Oh ok, daddy didn’t tell me you had a bath today.” And then she said daddy didn’t know because he was out at football practice with DS (which was 2pm ish so middle of the day?), and ”partner” gave her a bath, she helped her wash her hair and dried her off, dried her hair etc when she got out.
I feel a bit weird about this. Firstly I don’t think it’s at all appropriate for this woman to be bathing my young child, it’s her dad’s responsibility. Secondly, why do it while he’s out, and to put her in the bath in the middle of the day is odd anyway? I did ask DD if she had been doing some kind of messy play to need a bath but she said no.
I don’t want to accuse this woman of anything because as far as I can tell from the conversation with DD, nothing else happened besides the bath. DD wasn’t upset and told me conversationally, but I’m not comfortable with it at all and wouldn’t want it to happen again.
I know ExH will likely say I’m overreacting so I thought I’d ask mumsnet before I raise it with him, I’m sure I can rely on honest opinions here!
So AIBU to be upset by this?